I had never envied
the water from the shower-head
that gets to cascade down
and touch every piece
of your frame

I didn't long to be
the sheets that get to
feel your breath slow
as you drift to sleep

I never saw the use
for a photographic memory
until I watched you
from the kitchen table

the sun shining through
my oversized t-shirt
your silhouette
perfectly outlined
as you sipped your tea

I swore that I wanted
to be that teacup
nestled softly in your hands
and against your lips

Castle
Your mind and heart
your soul
is a fortress

sprawling walls
towers ad infinitum
built by every
tear
heart-flutter
and rage
you’ve ever had

You pile secrets into
the foundation
the crushing weight
sending pieces of the redoubt
and you
plummeting

one day
years from now
you will claw and sift
with bleeding hands
through the rubble

you once thought
were strong as stone

I’m scared
to be like my father
The way he fought his own seas
And drowned in them

Afraid to subconsciously
numb myself
because my thoughts don’t soften
to a dull roar

I don’t remember last night
But I know
for the first time in months
I didn’t think of her
As I fell asleep