There once was a girl
Who travelled the world
And never stayed in one place long
But always seemed to drag a boy along
A different boy for each place
And all had the same fate
They'd go on for a while
And she'd leave with a smile
But it always ended in heart break
She knew she needed change
History had repeated itself again
But this time she said would be different
I would like to say this story has a different end
But alas, they too, will remain just as "friends "

Louder and louder the music pounds
Trying to drown it all out
That she doesn't care at all
I tried and she blew it off
The voices saying do it do it
Drag that blade across your skin
The pain that makes me yearn for numbness
The voice in the back of my head that still calls me your Highness

Over and over again I push the plus
The volume is already all the way up
I can still hear the demons shouting through
Telling me all things that I wish weren't true
I'm a hopeless disaster in the making
In a glass world and everything's breaking
Trying to place blame and then I see
It was really all because of me

I try and talk to my friends
But I can't bring myself to tell them
That I'm getting bad again

Please excuse the hole in the wall
With exposed drywall and 2x4s
And my bleeding bruised hand
The ****** bandages in the trash
I was angry and couldn't hold it in

Please excuse the blood on the floor
As it drips from my fingertips
From the lines I carved
Deep into my writsts
I just wanted to feel again

Please excuse the difference of appearance
I cut off my hair and colored it again
Threw out all my clothes
Tried out a new look
I didn't want to be me anymore

Please excuse the absense of me
I don't laugh at your jokes
The smiles not in my eyes
Barely able to say a word
I lost myself to the pain

Please excuse me
I can't take it anymore

Footsteps stop
Two dark spots
Beneath the door

Concerned pause
Listening close
But a second long

A whatever shrug
Move along
Walk away

No time to stop
Not important enough
For a simple knock

I find myself in this position yet again
Writing a letter I'll never send
It'll sit on my desk then in my drawer
And eventually end up in the trash

I scrawl it out in informal pencil
Because my tears would bleed the pen
And would make barely readable chicken scratch
Become smeared, smudged and completely illegible

I pour out my heart and soul to you
And then I lose my nerve
I want you to know all these things
But I wish you could without being told

So I find myself in this position again
Sealing an envelope and writing an address
Wanting you to know and losing my nerve
And writing a letter that I will never send

I try and imagine you here with me
Within you embrace like I used to
So close I could feel you breathe
But my imagination isn't so strong
To create something that isn't here
And its not because you aren't
You never were really
But I can't decided if its because
The thing that is missing
Is your heart or if its mine
Perhaps its both
Or maybe its neither
And that's just what I tell myself
That our hearts aren't in it anymore
Just to make it easier