there was this guy
who inspired me
once upon a time
he was the reason
i even wrote
my first ever
love poem
and at first
it was serious
and then it all
turned into dust
but i was stunned
infatuated for a long time
now he's no longer in my life
and i'm over the thought
of ever needing his embrace
or his face to kiss
met him 4 years ago
september 2009
fell in love
but turned him away
because love was a no-go

cold English day
same as any other
no sun in the sky
today
the days
just get
colder

i read old messages for endless hours
why? because i miss what was ours
you were my very best friend
you were my soulmate
i hate how we let it all
simply go to waste
haven't met you
in the flesh
but i want to
next year
i want to see your face
and hope feelings re-appear
i want to feel your warmth
and just see you smile
it would make me glad
even for just a while
you are the one i see
when i look at the stars
you are the one i seek
every single night
i always wrap up
in a blanket
wishing it was you
holding me
instead of it
every night
same old thing
i miss your texts
i miss your everything
i miss you and i miss your love
you still fit me like a glove

reading messages from January
how great we were
in all our young glory

now look at us
we're like an old book
which has been
collecting dust

a fairytale
which ended
with a twist
when a
tragedy
struck
and the lover
was killed off

open relationships are pointless
like since when do you date
your friends?
i know i was one of them
but come on
since when
did you like her?
seeing your
relationship status
is quite bizarre
out of all the ones
you could choose
you chose her?

i mean, she's nice
like, i'm even friends
with her on facebook
and some place else
but still i'm
not sure
how to feel

writing happy poems isn't my thing
i'm better at typing a poem
which is saddening

some songs are unbearable to hear
they remind me of you
when you loved me
the previous year

some movies are hard to watch
they remind of the romance
we once used to have

some poems are hard to read
they remind me
of the one
i used to call mine
the one
who ultimately
left me to grieve
the loss of us

the few things that used to bring me happiness
they now seem to bring me pain
all i do is cry tears
again and again

people say your name
and it's like a bullet
through my brain

people call you my 'lover'
and it makes me want
to dig myself a grave
6ft under

it hurts thinking of you
it hurts dreaming of you
it kills me thinking of you
loving someone else
because that girl
or that guy
has no idea
just how blessed
their heart is
to be loved
by the one
i love the most
the one
who left me
hanging on
like a ghost
too afraid
to enter
the afterlife
because of the one
they didn't want to leave behind