being held under
was a
gift
experience
test
game

i took it seriously
i created
endlessly
mercilessly
without realizing

because that's what you do
when you get held under
you find a way to breathe

but mine was temporary
and the water is rising
and there is no way to breathe
i wasted it
my resources

now my cries for air
are not seen as
a cry for help
they are for
attention
the spotlight

because drowning
is the same
as bursting forth
from the water

i let you in
so completely
it was sickening

your hands inside
the darker parts
of my forever tripping brain

you came out
knuckles black
****** and bruised by
the great fight my soul
put up

i tried to do the same
to reach within
your all encompassing blackness
to grab the single bit of life

i came back
heartbroken and with
my nose running ******

you beat my own game
even 900 miles
from where it began

i came back bloodied and
empty
you came back beaten
but *victorious

there are many
human beings on
the planet
who
draw
sing
love
think
write

they create beauty
they live with
a purpose
with something to wake up for

what do i have?
i think
and the answer is nothing

i am nothing
i am a pair of feet
a tired mind
heavy limbs
and closed eyes

i sleep
i wake
i grind
through
school
friends
family
i eat
and don't care
and i repeat

my record is broken

my disc is scratched

i am no longer valueable
to anyone

i am routine
i am boring

i am nothing