If pennies could buy us time I wonder how many wasted presidents I would spend throwing into fountains wishing for a revisable proverb
Fold love letters into paper airplanes and send them your way
Walking backwards into something beautiful and try it just one more time
We could fall in love all over again, the sun is the same but we can see things differently now, take a little more time
I have come to realize that pictures cannot hold a memory as well as a heart can and storage on some cell phones run dry
And despite the undermining feeling that maybe we were meant to separate, I cannot help but wonder what would have happened
If things never ended
If I didn't have to waste so much money on fighting for something I know in the end
I won't win

She's going to be drunk and stupid
She's going to let her hair down, falling over her shoulders, smiling at the slight tickled feeling of it
She's going to dance with boys whom she will not remember the names or faces of but she will remember exactly what they were wearing
She's going to trip over herself, her knees will battle earthquakes breaking day fall of more drink or one more cigarette
She is going to smoke until she can only see a transparent outline of herself in the mirror
And she will smile, freely and oblivious to reality
She's going to be drunk and stupid
And it's going to be the most beautiful tragedy he has ever laid his eyes on

You are a bittersweet memory at best
A face in a photograph, a stranger with a story
Your ghost does not follow me around anymore
And speaking your name outloud is similar to saying a name of someone whom I've never met
It is foreign and forgotten, it's empty now
And of course I will remember the things we did
I will probably remember them forever but they will always be far away in my mind
You are not something I will lose myself over, talking about the things we did will not effect me
It may cause a slight smile and sigh, reminiscing on things that just aren't so spectacular as they used to be
You are a bittersweet memory at best
Which is the best thing you could be

In a shady garage that lays down a long driveway, an old man sits, hands on his knees, and smile as big as ever. He smiled as if it was the only thing keeping him alive
He told stories of when he was in high school, the dumb things he and his friends did and how each dumb thing had a later lesson that impacted who he became
He looks down at his hands and smiles once more, lighter this time and more gentle. Like someone when the bottled up anxiousness starts boiling over in a quiet room. He says, "I used to think that life was about conquering the world but now that I'm older I learned it wasn't worth conquering, it was more about enjoying it, appreciating it."
He paused for a moment. I imagine he was thinking of times when he didn't. When he wasted away his integrity and watch his pride shatter on the floor. When his hands trembled with fear over something he wasn't sure he really regretted.
As the tension evaporated, slipped through wet footsteps from wet feet getting out of the pool, he smiled again
He smiled like it was he only thing keeping it alive
And now looking back, perhaps it was

I will be with you when the downfall of your ceiling fan makes you head spin, I will catch you when you are too dizzy to stand on your own. I will dance with you when your knees can't keep still, I will remind you that everyone has days when their strength fails them. I will hold you hand even when it is sweaty, I will cradle your thoughts in my arms and listen to you when you feel like rambling on about the way clouds are taken by the wind or you wish you could fly. I will help you do the dishes and fold blankets, I will help you make our bed, I will help you when you are in need. I will let you rest when work is getting to heavy, I will play your favorite song on piano. I will be with you when the curtains open and the sunlight twists patterns across your skin. I will make you laugh with my corny jokes, I will wrap you in my arms when you body feels vacant. I will love you with all that I have. Whoever you are, I will wait for you. Whoever you are, I will love you.

I struggle to have a good life and by this I do not mean a happy one, I am happy, I simply mean I want to live a life I can be proud of and lately my mind has been caught in a fishing net with every corner having loose truths and conned dispositions, I dream of a life with nirvana, with such a profound amount overwhelming peace you can hardly stand it.
I have a special skill of feeling a lot when I probably shouldn't and feeling nothing when I should.
I still mix up left from right and often forget where I am going while trying to figure out where to turn next
I still mix up my rights from my wrongs
But I am writing my wrongs and hoping that doing so will help in the process of correcting them, forgiving myself for them
I am a hopeless romantic with the absolute potential to be alone the rest of my life
When love finds me, I am terrified
Staring in the face of commitment is beautiful but a risk I am often not willing to take
It thrills me when people say they do not love me anymore, it burns like a fire in my stomach and I sometimes confuse the likely possibility that other people are not thrilled by this
I think a breeze could feel like a hurricane if it hits you at the right time
I am learning to control myself and taking only what I need from the world
I am still baffled by the fact and also completely terrified at how when I look him in the eyes I never fail to be reminded of you
I will sometimes lay out to watch the stars at night but regretfully I do not even do this for my own enjoyment anymore I do it to think of you, I ask myself if you look at the sky for the same reasons
I have been told I am an open book, running through pages as if a strong breeze was rolling by, emptying all of the things carved into my skin, from by passers, best friends, ex lovers, strangers, blowing each syllable off the page
My mother has always been right and I always knew she was
I am stubborn and have a hard time moving my opinions or motives
I am slowly learning why natural disasters are given human names
I find myself wanting to catch your thoughts like raindrops on my hands and watch them dissolve, your words are a hurricane in themselves
I like flushed red cheeks and cold fingers warned by a fire
I enjoy watching attempted sweet talk however I am never sure how to respond to it
And no I do not drink to forget about other people's mistakes, I drink to forget about my own
I sometimes scream at the mirror, it is one of the safest ways I could think of to take out anger on myself
There is a pen connected to my mind and I often wish the people in books were real
And I love this world with all of my heart and I love life, I want to crawl under every tree, dance on every mountain, swim in waterfalls, drown myself in this world's excellence
Paint my body with it's colors, wash my skin in it's prayers, listen to it's music and let is resonate in my mind until it reigns in my brain when silence is too loud
I like opening doors more than closing them, I open too many and twist my mind into patterns I am alice trying to find her wonderland but there are no maps for the unknown
We have no yet crafted directions in desolate places because no one visits but I do
I need adventure to grow
And I am growing