Thinking about love is like throwing thoughts into vast emptiness
I used to be a hopeless romantic but now all that remains is the glimmer of love that has fallen out of my chest like a dot of glitter on the ground that catches your eye, you may look at it for a second but eventually you will find yourself stepping on it

I used to believe in love
But I do not anymore
Because of you
I do not believe in love, at all

My arms are wide
Capturing fire as the wind blows
When I am with you I feel as if I can take flight at any moment
And I am still unsure if it is because you lift me up
to where I can smell the clouds
Or if you are about to push me
Over the edge

There are the worst days
There are days when you want to fall to the floor, melt into it, feel each floorboard sink into your bones, feel your skin succumb to nails and creak when someone steps on your hip bone, feel it break just a little as the pain raises up your veins
There are days when you mind will disintegrate in the flames that are burning up your eyes, light a match just to watch it burn do not let go of it when it reaches the tips of your fingers, let the heat fold into your flesh
There are days when getting out of bed is a survival tactic because if you just lay here you will feel your lungs collapse on themselves, feel your breathing slow, let the ceiling fan spin in your head until you are too dizzy to remember why the day was so bad in the first place, feel your
There are days when you will want to give it all up, watch the smoke rise from your body, see the translucent form of yourself leave your room leaving the door open, hoping you will follow it but you do not, you never do
There are the worst days
But do not fear them
Because thought there are the worst ones
There are the best ones as well

There is no way to train your heart to realize when someone means it
when they tell you that they love you
No way to teach your mind to pick our small details in their posture or
the way their left brow twitches right as the word 'love' slips off of their tongue and out of their mouth
Though it would be easier if we could just know when someone is actually in love with the structure of your soul
Who really understands the meanings behind all of your fears and passions
Someone who does not succumb to pressure and says it to make you feel safer but instead only saying it when it is true because though not hearing it back is hard, hearing it fall and shatter on the ground beneath you is a lot more painful because you have to pretend that you believe it, have to pretend that this is real and the only this falling on the ground is his pride
And in most cases, you do believe this, because you will convince yourself that your love is enough for the both of you to share
Though you know you feel more, it is okay because your overflowing cup will fill up the empty space of his
Do not fool yourself
You will want to do everything is your whole being to make this work but love only held on one side is not love at all
Regrettably, there is no way to train your heart to realize when someone means it when they tell you that they love you
But there is a way to know
Do not believe them when they tell you
Believe them when they show you
That is how you will know

Every painting starts with a white canvas
Threaded blank pages layed out and begging for color
A tool dipped in dark blue
Brushing on a dark sky, yellow making stars
Swirling constellations into words for astronomers to write about one day
Adding in flaming orange to represent the sunset that has now faded
But never washing the brush clean and they call it fresh
There are some paintings that never are seen
Imagine the most beautiful piece of art
And realize that there may be one out there you have yet to discover
Think of your love life this way, as I have been trying to do
Though you have seen the outline of their body
And the way their hair burns in the sunlight that leaks through the window, open blinds letting in flaming gold
It reminds you of their hands
How they drip chrome raindrops all over the canvas of your body
You will feel beautiful and as if no one has ever truly been such an immaculate artists in sketching escape plans on your back that you thought were future paths you two would walk together
Realize that there are other artists out there
You have not seen the most beautiful piece of yourself yet
Because a true artist never hides his work
Every painting starts as a white canvas
So wipe yourself clean
And wait for someone who does not use old brushes on new paintings

It is hard to explain to someone that you only fall for ******* guys who treat you like **** and tend to look at other girls while standing next to you not that you mean anything to them anyways
It is harder to explain to someone when the someone you are trying to explain it to is the someone that you are talking about