I want to light you like a cigarette
Burn the back of my throat
Scratch your way to my lungs
Tear them apart
I want to breathe you in
Breath after breath
Take it away and replace it with smoke
Dance in the haze
Kiss my teeth, leave stains as a signature
Declaring your presence
Burn my lips when you finish
Poison my body with this cancer
Watch the horizon flow up
And I press this cigarette bud down
Do not forget to leave the lighter with me
So I can ignite this fantasy, once more

You have colored my skies dark and snatched away my sun I try to tell myself that I can paint back over this but mixing anything with black is just more black
I am out of white paint
My shelves are going dry, because you refuse to stop making art in the hollowness of my chest
Drawing borders that I wish you would cross
But you never do
Even when I am intoxicated
Drunk out of my right mind
On the very brink of alcohol poisoning
I feel your name start to boil in my mouth
And all I want to do is swallow you whole
Forget you ever signed your name on my tongue
But my gag reflex forces me to spit you out all over the bar
I will do my best to wipe it up
Apologizing to all of those who had to see such humiliation
I've come to realize however
That alcohol will always be much easier to swallow than the possibility that you once or still love me
Nothing else quite compares to the claws that slide down my throat when I try to drink a shot of your sweet toxin
There is nothing that quite correlates to that amount of agony
So if tonight, I end up calling you, know that I am sorry
I apologize in advance to the mumbled words and empty laughter
Know that I only did it, to ask for the white paint
That you stole from me

You were the sudden thought and craving that had been running through my mind for weeks
And finally I became the ghost of a night that was supposed to happen with someone else
I was scared and frigid and you broke me like a number two pencil
You tore away just pieces of my innocence that felt like tearing down brick walls that were built for a reason
Why did I give in so easily
And now I think of you and wonder if I was more than a one night "pretend love"
I wonder if it meant maybe just a little more
Now you only look at me like a gift you wish came with a receipt
But now I think we have both learned that there are no refunds for regrets
You sewed a string of excuses why it was okay because you were just being a man
I gave you a little of what you wanted
And now I am trying to convince myself that I do not need it back

I often wonder if sleeping with the lights on will somehow curtail the darkness in this room
There's something about nightfall
Because when the sun is out, everything is fine and
I feel as if I can do anything
But once the sun sets and flaming orange fades to dark blue,
I lose myself
My pride slips out of my chest and shatters on the floor and
I am too fatigued to reach down and sweep it up
There is no antidote to sundown
There is only waiting for dawn

Throughout your life you will experience love in some form
Maybe in a one night stand, maybe in a relationship, maybe in an unrequited form
Whatever way it may be, you will experience it
Some people think that a significant other is all there is to life
Thinking that you need someone to complete you is the easiest way to get broken
You will experience heart ache and somber
There will be days where you feel as if staying in bed is the same thing as staying alive
You will learn to never take a risk and never look down
You will learn to succumb to your pillow instead of going out with friends
You will learn that love is not a road easily traveled
You will forget that there is actually some light in this seemingly dark room
Yes, love is burdensome and tiring and it will only wear out your legs causing your knees to weaken at the sound of their name
But do not make that the reason you give up because strained legs that have shuffled over a burning bridge are so much better than those who have never experienced running

They say I drink too much
Alcohol may burn the throat but it numbs a heart's bruise
Drinking to flood my sober blues
Lips and memories soaking in *****
They say I smoke too much
The burning in my throat begins to flame
Doing all I can to smoke away your name
Although my lips recite it all the same
They say I should slow down
Speeding past every caution light
Drowning in these drunken nights
Squeezing memories in the palm of my hand tight
They say I will get over him
But I have learned that every story sounds the same once you stop listening
Every memory sits in shot glass, glistening
Calling my name as if I were its revival
Patiently waiting for your arrival
And they keep telling me you are not coming  
But you must be
**I know that you must be

Laying with my body pressed against yours
Hearing your breathing sing in my ears
Like a choir in an empty church
An echo that keeps me awake
Holding onto every last piece of you
Memorizing how your chest elevates
How your brow curls when you're angry
How your lips form the half crescent moon when you smile
How you walk with such confidence and stand in such a way that makes people wonder why you would ever sit down
Your body is a sculpture that I stand in wonder at
The detail astounds me, I am in admiration of such artistry
You are so exquisite, I hope I can show you one day
To see yourself as I do