It is easy to worry
About almost everything
Clothes, appearance, love
We tend to find a problem
In all things
But I have discovered that worrying
Is like a treadmill
You are tiring yourself out
But you're also staying in one place

Loving carefully
As if the world was holding
Both of your ankles
Ready to pull you down
From underneath
As soon as you mess up

I know some things seem stronger than your own will
I know that in dim light
It doesn’t seem wrong
In dim light
You are told that you can stay here
Forever but you cant
Today it seems like this addiction
Is stronger than my own will
It seems like the window to this cold compacted bed room
will never close
Letting go is one of the hardest things to learn
and one of the least taught
I have learned that the work is never pretty
But it is the only way to build the house
I am letting go today
And I hope that as I let this go for you
That you hold on to me

What I've learned is you can never be too careful
You think that everything is fine
You think that no one will ever know
How many walls have been built and
Knocked down inside of your head
You can never keep something hidden forever
No matter how careful
All secrets will step into the light
Eventually

I am young
I haven't met my worst days yet
Nor my best
I haven't done much
I'm only a young girl
I lie to myself often
I cry a lot
I cry about things that people
Should never cry about
Like spilled milk
I laugh in uncomfortable silence
I laugh at things that most people
May not find funny
I laugh when I try not to cry
To remind myself that there is still room
For a smile at all times
I do not worry about my past
I tend to worry a lot more about my future
No one can calm me down
Better than my little brother
His innocence and light-hearted attitude
Makes me realize how sweet life is
I don’t think life is a box of chocolates
Not everything in life is sweet
Sometimes you lose people
Sometimes you lose yourself
Sometimes you just lose
And sometimes you don’t have other people
Who are going to be able to help you up
My advice for you is
Learn to zip up your own dresses
And put on your own bracelets and necklaces
You will not always have someone to do it for you
I'm only a young girl
I don’t know much
But I learn something new everyday
I have learned to live life as it comes to you
Don’t take anything for granted
Because you will miss the small things
You will realize
The small things were the big things after all

I have been trying to love you slowly
Like painting a picture
Exercising each color
Mixing different ones
Covering over mistakes
Learning from them
Loving you slowly
Like learning to ride a bike
Starting with training wheels
Until I can balance myself
On my own
Loving you slowly
Like writing a book
Using metaphors
Fixing the grammatical errors
Learning that each and every word
Has a deeper purpose
Loving you slowly
Like using a needle to dig through
A granite wall
Like emptying the ocean
Using only a teaspoon
Like putting out a forest fire
By spitting on it
Loving you is a slow process
I want to realize the significance
I want to focus on every detail
I want to keep this love alive
For as long as I can bear
I know that we are not to the point
Of calling this love

But slowly, oh, so slowly
I know we will get there

Lately, I have been discovering how to be happy
I am experiencing tiny moments of blissful peace
I am learning to stand without anyone else's help
I am looking beyond the ruins of my old habits
And heading straight towards the reconstruction
Making new blue prints now and using brighter colors
This process is slow, it's true
It will not be a quick recovery
Being in the dark so long, too much light can be blinding
But I am not turning around
In fact, I regret those times where I have chosen darkness
I have wasted too much time not being happy
But I have found that once you find real joy
It is hard to walk away from
I am getting better at smiling when people expect me to
And not wanting to cry as often as I did
My reflection is looking more beautiful than it has in a long time
I have discovered that the greatest beauty secret
Beyond make up and fitness and money
Is being happy
When you truly have something to marvel about
Your complexion clears, your eyes reflect light
Your smile is like the eastern sunrise that occurs after a long night of rain
So thank you to everyone who has helped me here
For picking me up despite my heaviness
Despite my occasional refusal to stand
Despite my sporadic mood swings where I am upset beyond real reasoning
Thank you
For not letting go of my hand as I swore I was fine
You will never truly realize all that you have done
And I don’t know if I ever want you to
Just know that I am thankful beyond all words