This is not poetry, this is pathetic.
This is not heroic, this is cowardice.
This is not real, this is fake.
This is not me, this is you.
This is not a dream, this is reality.
This is not life, this is death.
This is not anger, this is hatred.
This is not love, this is a lie.
This is not great, this is satisfactory.
This is not me, this is a ghost.

Remember the time when I was alive, not broken and bleeding,
Left in the streets to be eaten by vultures
Remember when I was not a ghost,
Drifting around hoping to be found, transparent as usual,
Remember when I made the right decision to walk home that night,
And not get in the car with the drunk driver,
Only to get hit by the same person I was avoiding.
Remember when you could say how joyfully I lived, and how you can no longer.
I find life is not fair, you make the right decision only to get burned in the long run.
It makes me wonder are there really such things as a good decision,
Or are we ultimately just passing time until the creator gets bored and kills us of.
I do not find this fair, I wish for answers.
So I will remain in between, watching, waiting for my moment.
I will get my revenge, I will get my honor, my dignity, everything you have taken from me

I am Ghost

This is not over, this is just beginning
This is not the first, this is the last
This is not fair, this is compensation
This is not glory, this is vengeance
This is not me, this is who I used to be
This is not life, this is death

I am a ghost remember me, like I will remember you.

Never Have I felt a December
So cold, so lonely.
The walk along the lake,
That changed a fate
The stumble in the snow,
I didn’t let go.

The daring walk,
Onto thin ice
Are you watching?
My attempts to see a rise in you.
So delicate was that goodbye
Darkness, up the long road
Upon the destination, no one knew

I ran home,
To see you waiting there.
You waited for me,
For hours I guessed.
This time a true
Goodbye

We made a plan,
So sketchy at first.
Maybe Just nervous?
Never knowing, what could unfold
We changed our plans.
Much more bold.

I rambled on,
For hours it seemed.
Until we arrived,
To a bran new scene

Both so nervous,
But we knew what we wanted.
I motioned you closer,
No cold shoulder.
Comfortably sat,
Until the movie was over

We met some friends, later that night
Continued to smile,
Be polite.
Just dreaming of holding you tight
I think I might…

A gentle kiss upon your lips
I did not miss.

Out in the cold, yet,
All I felt was warmth
The warmness of you and I,
Another night
Goodbye

Sit next to me in the morning,
The bell is ringing…
I’m ignoring
So captivated by your smile.
Again I depart.
Goodbye.

The night before Christmas eve,
We stayed awake for hours
Until our wish
Had finally come true

Its been a year
Since that December
And yet I miss you,
Just as much as I remember

That December so warm,
Now it plagues me with cold
No longer we are.
Growing old
Goodbye

December,
December!
How I hate you now
Drown my mind
In your white lies.

No longer,
Can I see your eyes
I have grown old of these,
goodbyes…

December
The month that will,
Confuse me forever
Lost in the blizzard
Of my mind
We always say that, “truth is hard to find”
Goodbye

DECEMBER
goodbye…

Bring me to my knees,
Just to break once more
I’m done playing your game.
I’ve got nothing worth playing for
If you could only see in my head,
One wrong move,
You’re ******* dead.

Screams of agony,
Wont come from me.
I will be broken and bleeding,
Not begging for mercy.
You think you have won,
But I have yet to begin this game.

Just you wait,
Until I am on my feet again.
You can continue to slash and beat me.
But that is not the way to defeat me.
Keep yelling.
Like it makes a difference.

Nothing you say is getting through to me now.
Just you wait, one wrong move,
And you will be the one begging for mercy.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Unleash the beast you have awoken in me.
I want to hear you say it!
Beg me for mercy
Break you down *******.
Let you see the dark I call my life.

Awoken the dormant beast
Taking over like a disease.
Drop to the floor!
To rise no more.
Broken heart, fists of fury.
You don’t know what you have awoken in me.

Why am I crying?
this makes no sense
I am not sad, nor miserable
yet these tears leak from me
as if I’ve lost everything
yet I haven't

I don’t feel pain,
though I wish I did
yet still uncontrollably I weep
no sadness
no pain
yet, simply insane?

Useless like a machine
missing key parts
simply impossible
this makes no sense
I am happy, not sad
yet still I seem broken

Maybe just a leak?
Like a roof in need of repairs
this feeling almost feels right
yet I still don’t know why
Fix me I am broken...
Fix me I am sad...


I have nowhere to go,
no house I wish to stay
my father he left, and now with another
so easily had he forgotten my mother
yet still,
my mother, though I love her so,
just sometimes makes me feel like letting go

No where to go, No one to love
can you still say there's a god above?

I didn't think so...

No one can fix a broken home
sure they can physically,
but on the inside,
no.


The tears grow stronger now,
yet still no answer why
I am lucky, I am alive
others are not so lucky
though I wish I could just let go,
be forgotten,
never exist, leave this place
move far away and never be found
Just bury my heart, 6 feet down


It is useless now, and so am I
I say to you, my final goodbye
I don’t wish to go like this,
but its for the best
I’ve made them miserable
just one big burden on them all

I wish you the best
my broken family,
you can be happy now,
as I drift away, I just have to say...

I love you with all my heart...

I am a sheep,
Just one in a herd of many,
For once it would be nice to be heard
But as usual I am afraid to speak up.

Just following along like a sheep in the farm
Doing as I am told, not doing as I wish.
Just step up and think for myself.
I wish it were that easy for me…

I will fall back in line to get lost with the clones.

Slowly the field gets smaller and smaller,
Where is everyone going?
Left nothing behind, no memories, no stories.
They were never heard…

Speak up now, or forever remain silent,
I wish to be heard, but I have no idea what to say.
Would anyone even listen?
I don’t think so….

Just a Sheep…

I tried so hard to have my voice heard,
But once again nothing comes out,
It happens time and time again.
I cant break this curse.
Think for myself!
I want to think….

Just continue to follow and follow….
Until I break,
I cant stay silent,
I WILL speak up!
I am done following the sheep in this herd.

I Will be Heard
Will you listen?...
Please listen

Today I walked across the street with my eyes closed
just to see if I was really meant to be here
and of course,
again I go unnoticed

no longer do I know who I am
never have I felt so lost,
so lost and confused
I don’t know what is right,
and what is wrong

God how I wish you would make me feel as if I belonged

so lost and confused
still looking for my purpose in life,
right now feels as though I don’t have one
but I’m still looking
for that reason to believe

cause nothing makes you feel more alive
than feeling your bones break
from that bone shattering impact of a car in traffic
just watching the blood drip from your open veins

God please give me a reason

right now it feels as if I should give up
I wouldn’t wish this feeling,
upon my greatest enemy
where are you God?
I don't feel you,
I don’t see you,
I don’t hear you,

I dreamt of falling
so great the feeling of life
you don’t feel more alive then the moment in life,
where death can arise
the rush I need comes from life threatening events

God why do you hate me?
I know I am no angel but do I really deserve this pain?

It aches when I breathe,
choking on my own words,
I wish they hit me
I wish I felt alive
I want to feel the impact, I want to feel those broken bones
I want to see that scarlet drip

God what did I do to make you hate me?