If you asked if I'd go out with you now
I'd tell you no
Not because I thought
we wouldn't have the love we have now
Or that I'm too good for you
I'd say no because I'm damaged
Damaged beyond repair
Or so it feels like most day
And I don't think you deserve someone
Who's got damaged written across their forehead

I'm not sure when I stopped living
And just started to....be
To breath in and out of this empty chest of mine
Blinking and moving
But never feeling

I just hope
That there's a boy
Out there
Somewhere
That doesn't want ***
From his girlfriend
He just wants to
Enjoy her company
And watch as she does
All the little things
That combined to make her

Its like you don't get it
Like its not even crossing your mind
He's just a teenage boy
They say
But than what am I
hormonal
They say
But we all know I'm not

What do you want?
sleep
Nothing

When did I love you
become three hollow words
said threw tight lips
and unhappy thoughts

When did I love you
make it impossible for me to swallow
make run down my face

When did I love you
Make me want to wrap my fingers tightly around your throat

I think it happened
When you stopped being the guy I thought you were
stop being charming and kind
and started acting like every other teenage boy

But maybe I'm wrong
How would I know because I'm just some
dumb
teenage girl

So I'll say it again
I love you *but I don't know why

You can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Breath in
                Breath out
You hope it'll get better
tell your self it'll get better
                                     you try to believe it
But deep down you know
That this will forever be like this

To afraid
To be me
Because I know that when you figure out
this puzzle of a girl
You'll leave

You're the closet to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now*

Wrapped up in your arms
This is the closet to heaven that I'll ever get
In this world of yours
All I can think                    Breath
is you
All I ever want is this beautiful boy

I don't want to go home right now
Just another minute
Because we both know
That in the morning
Everything will be different

I'll be desperate for that closeness to heaven
So please
Let me stay will you
a moment more

I'm just trying to survive
In this big wide sea
Without a paddle
Without a boat
And without you

Why are you here
Why did I let you in
When I'm so broken
I can't tell the peices apart

Why are you still here
When I'm so broken
My peices don't fit together anymore
And I don't think they ever will
So why are you here when I'm so broken

I'm miserable at best
Isn't funny
That no one knows
No one sees how miserable I am

I've got a tsunami
In my head
And no one knows

Aren't I doing a phenomenal job
Of ******* up my life
Of throwing everything anything
I had
        could of had
out the window
like its nothing

I think I'm doing a phenomenal
Of wreaking everything
                                       except you

I dont want to wreak that perfect thing
They call you
You don't deserve it
                                    So I won't
Do a phenomenal job of wreaking you

Tell me how does it feel
To feel like this
To wake up wanting to **** yourself
And fall asleep crying
because thats such a horrible thing to want

Tell me how it feels
To be lied to
To have everything
Be a lie
And the only way to handle all of this
Is to continue to believe these **lies

I hate you
I really ******* hate you

You think you're protecting me
But really you're just making a mess
Of my life
Of me

But you don't care
You only care about how it looks
to everyone else
You want them to tell you
Your doing phenomenal job
Raising that daughter of yours

But really all she wants
Is to leave
To run
To be anyone else
But *herself

You've got such high hopes for me
and I'm just clinging on
with one hand
Trying to be perfect
Trying to be what you want

Finger by finger
Slipping down the rope
But you just keep pulling me higher and higher

The ground isn't insight
And I'm too high
What am I supposed to do

I just want some Temporary Bliss
From this madness of my life
Run you fingers through my hair
in that careful manner
Run you fingers over my stomach
like it isn't enough
Kiss me like theres no tomorrow
Because this temporary bliss
Is all that can save me

Distruction of myself
is something I long for
Running til I'm gasping
Screaming until I can't breath

Drugs?
Alcohol?
This things will never get rid of my problems
They'll still me there
In the darkness of these destroyers

Wandering the night
I'm searching for distruction
something to ruin me
something to destroy me

Theres a war going on in my mind
A battle of blood and anger
Constently forcing one side down

Theres a war in my mind
But you'll never know
Too busy with your own life

Theres a war in my mind
and I don't think it'll ever end
Too many thoughts like soldiers
But they never stop coming
A constant stream of
Rifles
And men
Ready for a fight

Theres a war in my mind
And the battle field is busy
men falling left, right and centre

Maybe one day this could be a historic site
But for now
Its a war in my mind

Honey, you're looking for
perfection
where there isn't any
In the depths of my eyes
There's only sadness
In lines of my forehead
Theres only confustion
In the shape of my lips
Theres only longing
Imperfect things brought together
To create this imperfect girl

You pretend to be this
unbiased
person
More open than a book
And more accepting than the world
But here you are
Judging me
And everything I believe in
It gets harder to talk to you
Too afraid of the opinion I'll get
So I keep it all
Inside this head of mine
And slowly I start to go crazy

Drowning, choking,
Falling into this darkness
Feeling like its getting harder
And harder
To continue
floating

Just keep hanging on
They say
It'll get better
But why hang on
When I'm so miserable
Why hang on
When all I want to do is
*let go

I remeber when I'd run
Just for fun
Warm summer mornings
Spent near a sea that was roaring

But without any warning
I'm now running from the mourning
Thats Pouring own on me

Stop, go, keep on moving
Too scared to stay still
Just wanting a fill
Of what its like to be whole again

I never understood slow
Only running with the flow
You've gotta keep going
To be the one knowing

So I'll live in fear
Of the day I still