The worst feeling one can ever beget
is to be swallowed by guilt, fear, and worst of all regret.
I guess it really is true what they say
never leave things left unsaid and never run away.

I learned that now as I witnessed first hand
the epitome of the saying cherish what you have while it still stands.
I thought I saw it coming, I thought I was ready to say goodbye
but the thing they never tell you is that you'll never be ready to cut the tie.

I wish I had used up all the times you called looking for me
to spend time with you and show how much my love stretches to thee.
I wish I had the courage to tell you how much I appreciate
so that you didn't have to think my silence was hate

I'm sorry and I apologize that I had all the time in the world for everything
but never had the time for you to do something, anything.
I'm sorry that I had all the energy bigger than me to please
but you, who needed no pleasing, I never had the bit of effort to squeeze.

The times you reminded and left me annoyed
I miss them now, remind me I no longer will avoid.
I wish I had time now, time to spend
but it's too late, I can't bend.

I promise to be brave and strong
the way you wanted me to be, ready to face a throng.
It's not goodbye but a slight farewell
we'll see each other again, you'll see all's well.

Till then goodbye....

There comes a time where we are at a loss for words,
we know what we feel yet we fail to express it like empty, incomplete chords.
What to say and how to say it becomes rather difficult
easier said than done, sometimes off oblivion and turmoil you just wanna catapult.....

and so here's a twist of fate, to my rather regular form of expression innate

I am who I am and I've always been me
lately things have overclouded beyond what I can comprehend
It's amazing what you can hide, just by putting on a smile.
The mirrors, they can lie and tell you you're full of life

but truth be told? I'm not okay...

I'm loosing myself trying to compete with everyone else
giving off my time to things that uphold my supposed passions and dedications,
friendships, interactions... all for what?!

instead of just being me...

I do things that I begin to question why?
Why do we do the things we do? It's empty and its beginning to hurt me.
I find no sense in keeping up with it, can I just be weak for a little? just a little...

Can I be selfish and desire things for myself rather than desire things for the good of others?
in the same manner, can you just cry a little? Lie a little? Pretend that you're actually feeling what I'm feeling inside, then maybe all the misery I've gone through would be well spent.

Respect, forgiveness, acceptance, understanding, sacrifice...
Why does it always have to be me? I gave and now I'm wanting something in return.
Perhaps something where I don't have to exert myself and take initiative for.

I don't know where to turn, I've been stuck in this routine...
and I'm probably saying so many things of so many origins and different perspectives

but don't we all sometimes? Don't we all say things that are open to interpretations and things that don't make sense in a desperate attempt to express what we feel? In the end, don't we all just say things in hopes that someone understands the pain that we go through

In the end, we don't want to be left alone.. we want to be cared for
In the end, we don't want to be avoided... we want to matter
In the end, we don't want to hide it all... we want to say it..

Dreams, that's where I have to go
fulfill my fate and reach my destiny, so.
Focus on things that matte,r
isolate myself from all those mad hatters

To see your beautiful face no longer
I distance myself and let reality conquer
consume every bit of me, uphold and devour.
I sit down in alienation and let the music linger.

Scenario's of your absence is rather different from your presence.
I then just realize, that your presence upholds hope's essence.
Hope, hope there's a conversation
between you and me, just us for the whole duration.

I must drift and set myself apart
it's what's best, it's mine to take part.
If you ask me, how I'm doing?
I would say I'm doing just fine, resisting.

I would lie and say you're not on my mind.
But I go out and I breakdown for I'm blind.

Finally I'm forced to face the truth, no matter what I say I'm not over you...

Sadly as it all comes to an end
somehow I wish to say the words I never said
somehow I wish I could say them now
it's time to take my breath away, take it with pride and bow!

Your insecurity is so cute yet so pathetic
it prevents you from seeing your perfection, so electromagnetic!
Every bit of you is time consuming
you see not how amazing you are, reassuring.

It seems lady luck is at her side
yet she can't seem to cherish the luxury of the tide
How I wish I were her for I will know what ought
caressing you with every single thought

No longer will you feel the need to search
for the desires will cease to exist once I begin to smirch
it will no longer be the beginning or the end
but it will linger in time as what we have cannot be hastened.

Perhaps what hinders this from occurring
is the fact that's its one sided and demurring
Never can thy lips of mine express thee
the words stumble and fumble, nervous I flee

Gathering courage is all but futile
no path can influence to void the inevitable, how vile!
it can never be, never can it be!
as this is the story of a love so tragic that befell on me.

It's degrading how you fail to see
the significance of this feeling to me
to you, it's but jester's words of entertainment
to me, it's my whole world you baffled and shaken, rattled with fulfillment!

Alas I can never deny
as much as I can't defy
the immense love and care I possess
that bisects the heavens above and crosses

As everything comes to a close, the end is dawning upon thee
I thought I was prepared with my farewells, apparently not sadly.
recent events made it difficult to say goodbye
to all the things I love no matter how hard I try.

I deemed the thought that I could face this with pride
yet I seem to have so much things to hide.
Perhaps the fear hindered me from saying all that I need to say
to settle unfinished businesses and things left unsaid, array.

I therefore realized that I have a lot of things to express
and I just can't settle with foregoing it all, I can't suppress.
Boldly as it may seem, it easier said than done.
I just can't find the right time to say it, how it should've begun.

My mind consumes me with this unsettling thought
leaving me baffled, confused on what I ought.
it's easier to shun it away, long forgotten,
but escaping doesn't fix anything does it? I guess it shouldn't happen...

Say I were to express these unspoken of truths
that confined me and hindered me to show myself, soothe.
Will the opportunity to speak of be bestowed?
Am I to be strengthened, courage, bravery endowed?

To be granted this desire to behold my insights
is the greatest blessing to be bestowed by the above lights.
Give me the answer I ask of thee!
Should I speak of this or flee?!

I yearn to tell the truth and the whole truth to thee.
for clarity and liberation from this for me...

Strong as I may be, I'm but a mere puzzle shattered to it's pieces.
Longing for reason to be fabricated slowly ceases.
Abhorrence, despair, trepidation devour me
It's a tragic nightmare, bestir me I plea!

Take me away, let's venture to a purlieu, me and you.
I know not who you are, yet I feel comfort, so sincere, so true.
Oh how I yearn to stray from this reality
and flee in a strange and unknown fantasy

A place where no one can ever run after me,
leaving behind all this dilemmas that engulf thee.
to a place of secrecy just you and me.
No one can surpass the walls we'll make, you'll see.

We'll isolate ourselves from the tragedies that escalated
leave behind the people that shattered us, leaving us  devastated.
As I fall to yet another slumber
I will cry myself to sleep, hoping for a huge ember

to ignite, for reborn I am, with nothing to remember.....

What the future holds is so uncertain.
My garments are desolated with this stain.
I'm on the brink of falling,
lamenting on the rapture occurring.

Nothing seems to make me keep going.
So please, understand the shallow sense of longing.
The cherishing of every bit of moment surpassing;
I yearn for no regrets, should my world come to an ending.

Maybe it's not the end but rather a beginning.
This thought is what spurs a slight hope worth pursuing.
Yet my fears strike me down to my core.
Everything that I'm doing, what's it for?

I need this time to gather strength and bring back the pieces.
Despite that though, everything I do ceases.
Your cold comfort is what makes me forget the tragedy,
that has long ruined my joyous comedy.

Maybe that's why I feel so clingy?
because the things you say no matter what it is, I hold dearly.
Subconsciously it's the only thing that keeps me sane,
away from all this craziness and pain

Forgive me if I may be too much.
I only mean to mend myself as such.
Bring back the pieces that shattered these hazel eyes
so I can endure the pain and it will all suffice.

Ironic as it may seem
your the only one that can comfort me like a peaceful stream.
You keep me strong without saying anything
so much for my happy ending.

We'll leave it at that for now, I guess.
Forever, probably you'll never know what's this mess.
That lurks beneath those plastic smiles and joy,
I'm like a child trying to be happy with a broken toy.

No one will ever understand the things we feel.
No matter how much they say they do as solid as steel.
They will never see the perspective of our peripherals
Even if we pour our hearts out, its like a code in numerals.

In the end we must face the fact that we are different
the things we do, the words we say, will be all but omnipotent
We have no one to lean on but ourselves, no shoulders to cry on but our own
It's like calling someone who fails to answer the phone

We are beyond the term called normal
some even consider us abnormal
the pain we feel is twice of what anyone would ever feel
the scars won't take overnight to heal

People think it's a choice we make
but if it were so, why not choose the easy life to take?
It's easier said than done
the actions we make is to subconsciously find that sense of belonging undone

Will we ever belong or reach that sense of entice
or continue to go down the road of demise?
Will you ever care for me
as much as I care for thee?

I guess I realize it now
It's not the why's but the how's
how will you choose to take your life
given the setbacks thrown at you that strike

I'm ecstatic by the thought of this scene surreal
how I wish it were not a mere fairytale to my appeal
It makes me strive and yearn for more
yet live every moment down to the core

No words can explain the exuberance I feel
it's been awhile since I felt so satisfied from a meal
The way you make me feel and get me weak on my knees
is taking over me like a contagious disease!

I can't remember the time I last felt this vibe
One thing's for sure, I'm here hungry for more!
the motivation and inspiration within
has created boundaries and standards up high with the seraphins!

Move, make way, make way
the queen has returned to conquer feats, stay away
Crowns up, there's no stopping this femme fatal
Hands up, this diva's making a hierarchy of immortals!

Caught in the moment of intense rage.
You'd better step away as all forms of communications are in a different page!
It's at a point of exploding into the dark abyss
from which chaos and unspeakable pain makes inevitable to exist the sense of bliss

It's frustrating to see how microscopic your relevance can be
once you've given the benefit and no longer serve a purpose, sadly
The mere thought of it just bursts me down to my core!
How awful it feels to be needed no more...

Convincing myself as I reminisce in the past
that the moments we conversed was sincere, and not a mask that was cast.
Orthodox, it makes me begin to believe
that it was merely facades you built to deceive

Now that you're better off and back to your Elysium Fields
I'm left hanging as with nothing, not even a sword and shield
The bitterness I feel, all enclosed in this silent squeal
No one can ever understand, not even me, the way you make me feel

If happy ever after did exist
it's just false hope that makes the thought persist.
I was stupid to think that it was all so real
when in fact, I was blinded by something surreal

Upon hearing the bickering that you are back to your happy state
I do not know whether to feel full of joy or be filled with hate.
It stings to hear how well you are doing
but it's excruciating to see you with her, I'm barely coping.

The thought of you gladly doing everything for her and giving up the world
pierces like an epee, deep within my reach, so painful so bold!
Perhaps jealousy fills up my gauge of emotions
because I'd gladly give everything up for you without any hesitations

Ironic how I'm still here waiting and conflicting with myself
yet clearly how I feel and what I want is a selfish expression hidden in a bookshelf
Does it really matter what I think? Does it really matter how I feel?
When will I forget? When will I carry on, when will I heal?

Questions that remain to be unanswered leaving curious insights
I guess there's no point dwelling on regrets and mistakes and fights
All these emotions of different nature yonder on my brain
As I woke up and decided not to further give myself the strain

Yet another day ends and another chapter perseveres to be untold
all these will be nothing but notes left unanswered in my box of old
I click reset and whisper to myself gently, 'close thy eyes, tomorrow's a new day', or so I'm told.

I sit and wonder, thinking if I'll ever go beyond this tragic state.
Keeping me concealed, strapped, and left to suffocate.
I pry my eyes to see the silver lining of optimism
but every pit I go into is an alluring state of pessimism.

No longer will I return to that place of pain
I won't go in circles, go lying and crying with nothing to gain
Must I reminisce on the past to remember the sorrow?
the deep wounds impaled from the core by a bow and arrow.

Confusion dominates me from deep within, leaving me baffled.
my mind says no yet my instincts says go, am I biased or am I flawed?
What's wrong with me, why do I keep going back to where I began?
That tragic place of misery and suffering of which I am no fan.

Stop this madness, do not dwell and just keep going.
on the other hand, some reflections and realizations seems to be occurring.
I guess only time can tell what all of these mean, did I lose or win?
Until then, I must keep these thoughts concealed within.