I would much rather talk,
but am confined to write.
Running against the clock
with the end in sight.


How do I reach her? How do I say?
All the things she pushes away.
She does not answer my messages, she ignores all as feign,
and I am left stranded as Macbeth's pitiful Thane.


So I asked a friend on what to do.
How I should go about talking to you.
She said I should find you in person, or actually call,
but I thought both ideas were destined to fall.


I told her that I tried, and you did not want to hear,
Though this is the last time I shall ever be near.
Finding you in person, or making the call,
She argued noble, but I saw it squall.


Of course, I argued that is what I wanted to do,
But I did not want to intrude on you.
She said if I truly wanted, I would find a way,
But I am truly coming to the eleventh hour of the day.


She said I need to recognize how I made you feel.
As an object with mere lust appeal.
But that was never truly the case,
but I was never able to finish the race.


So as our music is fading away,
I scramble to find the right way to say,
That I am sorry and want to make things right and true,
Because I truly care about what I did to you.


I just hate the thought of leaving with this loose end,
and being unable to halt this downward trend.
I want so badly to make things right,
but this possibility is dimming from sight.


If given the chance, I don't even know my words,
I cannot foretell as great as your cards.
I am speechless at the very thought,
although the true situation is what leaves me distraught.




You want to know something that I will admit to none?
There is one thing I am determined to be done.
To master the art of ballroom dance.
Perhaps I see it as my second chance.


Even with this passion, I question my own intent.
What is the reason for my ballroom time spent?
Shall I master out of my own true will?
Or shall it be for a hole I cannot fill?


Either way it will come true.
Master the dance is what I will do.
Is it perhaps a twisted song,
That will be played so I can belong?


If that is my reason, then I am a fool.
Learning to dance is not the tool.
Your lack of fluidity is not why she is gone,
And mastering it will not rekindle the song.


So as I leave this place now for good,
it hurts that my intentions shall ne'er be understood.
Will I bother her again to say goodbye?
Shall I try to bandage the hurtful lie?


As much as it hurts, I will do but none.
For her sake alone, I will be done.
if to me she wants to speak,
She must do so within the week.


But I do not think she wants to say,
Anything to me but “go away.”
So I shall hold my tongue and relinquish my last try,
to make things right and to say goodbye.


If given the chance for her to hear, I would change my verse.
I would talk to her in a manner she respected.
If she were to read this, I could not say my final speech in rhyme
because it would take away from moment.


Yet direct speech must also be evaded
for I am unable to fully
fathom the idea of her reading this.
What would I say?
Would I say you were in my dreams?
Would I be able to tell you the inner thoughts of while I sleep?
The moment I try to impress
with my heart's open desires,
she is swept away within a wave.
Leaving me desolate and alone.


The salty sands of time could not make
her see through
that one
hurtful moment.




I try to speak, but
it is as if I am invisible.
Then suddenly I am seen. But it
is not me that she sees.


It is a shell that casts aside all my good intent and leaves
nothing but imperfections and
I am once again
ignored.


Even my dream
couldn't take the truth.


We had gone our separate ways.


What is the point of rushing through hopeless corridors
when the light will never be seen?
I try to escape, I try to release the truth,
but she eludes
me.


Just as all hope has been lost, I see a light.
I rush to find myself upon a balcony.
I have yearned to find that which
is in the distance.


Through the storm's current
and the woeful winter tides,
There she is again. I felt you were somewhere
and-
I was somewhere,
but-
Now 'we' were gone somewhere forever, sinking in our house of dreams.


Despite our crossing paths
and intertwined speech,
there is nothing more we share.


So this is my final silent goodbye
that you will never hear.
My last gift to you
that has come out of this structured chaos.
Our song now fades into the eternal distance.

How one does reach the beginnings end
when the heart is hampered by woe.
The outcome hung eager to impend,
and there was nothing left to stow.

It was many and many a week ago,
In this room I first did see.
Where beauty she first did show,
What I wanted to be.

The elegance of her movements, and the gentle look in her eye.
For me an instant connection, for her a single lie.
There would be somber nights alone, when I would briefly catch a thought
On this mysterious beauty, who shall forever entice her spot.

There was that single night, with horror and connection,
where our lips first did meet, and I felt affection.
It was a moment of passion, and utter bliss.
There was nothing to hold me from such a pure kiss.

Forthcoming days passed as years as we grew together.
A brief sense of inseparability that could have lasted forever.
I was a fool to let her in so fast,
As I knew that I must take care of my past.

The cards themselves, did see what was true,
All along I knew what I must do.
It was a decision I had thought through,
and it was the hardest thing I have done.

I will miss that smile, that look in your eye,
The way we touched, the eternal seeming high,
The best opportunity that has ever slipped by,
Because you deserve better than me.

Back rubs and kisses, dancing partners, and bones,
All bare sharp reminders of the saddening tones.
Broken beds and The Crazies, Elm Street and dance,
All the things that I have lost my chance.

Named cars and bathroom signs, Anime and creaky stairs.
I will have to shrug off because nobody cares.
Secret chocolate stashes and cuddling, Buffy and Intertwined legs.
To get these back one silently begs.


Cha Cha and Waltz, Salsa and Swing,
Us together these shall no longer bring.
First true moments of pleasure and a relieved sigh
All the things of which I must say goodbye

So then came the night where I would make things right.
To tell the truth and stay for the fight.
I hoped with the truth, we could move on and stay,
But all she wanted was to push me away.

Apathetic she said, never truly cared,
Foolish that my heart even dared.
She stared at me blankly, eyes of ice,
and froze away all my entice.

Don't talk to me now, I need some space,
Cheaters are not allowed to finish the race.
As you walked out, I hoped for an ending hug,
I got an apathetic no and an ample shrug.

I know I have no one to blame but me,
And now I am stuck wondering about all that could be.
These eight days, no other way I would spend,
and it hurts to see our dance come to an end.

She says that everything means nothing.
Why do we continue this lie?
We must lead drama away.
We seem to fear the truth.
For her I'm silent.
Meaningless kiss.
We don't care.
Not love.
Lies.

Come, the Dark lady to my new age Will,
you, my female evil that knows no time.
I try to forget; my dreams you are still
and once again I am forced to the rhyme.
Intertwined story with the greatest wright,
I sit here thinking of our sorry plight.

Sweet beauty hath no name, no holy bower,
yet there she is again when I see you.
You, the only one who makes me cower,
as the winter tides return all I knew.
How oft when thou my music, music play'st,
and you, my muse, the source of this play list.

To shun the heaven that leads men to this hell,
this not foreseen in your gypsy-like cards.
From the lost and beautiful past I rebel
and not continue the path of the bards.
And yet by heaven I think my love as rare
as those who brace true love, hence my despair.

Although I swear to myself alone,
to you, this love I shall never admit.
Together we speak in a hopeful tone,
But to speak the truth I shall ne'er submit.
To mourn for me since mourning doth thee grace
and perhaps this one day, I shall embrace.

Prison my heart in thy steel *****'s ward.
Why, warden of my heart, you not relent?
Why does my heart continue to be barred?
You continue to deny my repent.
The statue of thy beauty thou will take
and for you, serve my sentence with no slake.

Not once vouchsafe to my will in thine?
To once again live our moment of bliss.
To know for a moment that you were mine
I'd barter all, for the bad angel's kiss.
Make but thy name thy love, and love that still
can open your heart to the new age will.

Thou blind fool, love, what dost thou to mine eyes?
I'm caught in the mischief of cupid's game.
I know the truth, yet I hope you realize
that your heart secretly calls out my name.
On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed,
for we both desire to walk abreast.

Her pretty looks have been mine enemies,
and my secret rival does not deserve.
You are worth all of life's amenities,
and you, the muse, to my banned oeuvre.
Lest sorrow lend me words, and words express,
that which my lips shall ne'er ever  profess.

But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise.
For what they see is your icy cruel veins.
My heart blinded, yet there's truth through my eyes,
and they cannot be fooled by my heart's feigns.
If thou dost seek to have what thou dost hide,
expel the ice so our hearts can abide.

But if thou catch thy hope, turn back to me,
for there can still be time left in our song.
I'm tortured thinking of all that could be.
'Tis harrowing stars, with my heart they prong.
Yet this I shall ne'er know, but live in doubt.
I wish this, to you, I could talk about.

'I hate,' from hate away she threw.
The Hathaway pun I must bring to light.
Can you save me by saying “not you?”
Or shall you add to this murderous plight?
And death once dead, there's no more dying then.
So please save me now, or your feeling's ken.

My love is as a fever, longing still.
And I am fiending for her to embrace.
My female evil, the reason I'm ill,
despite reason, my heart shall ne'er efface.
How can it? O! How can love's eye be true?
Despite our past, I am in love with you.

Canst Thou, O cruel! Say I love thee not?
Do you truly wish to cast me away?
From the past, is the future truly naught?
All of these questions I wish to allay.
More Worthy I to be belov'd of thee
Yet my heart fears that this shall never be.

Her love, for whose dear love I rise and fall,
seen by my actions to master the dance.
I do wonder how our fate shall befall.
Our connection seems to be more than chance
To swear against the truth, so foul a lie!
But the truth, a sin of the deepest dye.

I miss her. That is all I have to say.
A single picture is all that I hold.
The night is not night, and the day not day.
When the story is left to be untold.
I silently beg for a second chance,
back into the lost and beautiful past.
My maladroit feet have halted the dance
and it has hampered the length it shall last.
Shakespearean Sonnet, a structured set,
for all the chaos that entices me.
The impending Omega sure will let
the cold winter tides return from the sea.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Or shall I let thy anger push away?

I will move away from my comforting structure and rhyme.
Why not take the one shred of comfort I have left?
Do I write for her or me?
I do not know for sure
how to answer.
Shall I begin?


It was a day as any other, I was eating as I do.
The place was empty and desolate.
My eyes must be mistaken.
A cruel trick of the mind.
Crushing the heart
to nothing but
a heavy
hole.


I look again
and I see that my eyes
are not deceiving my heart.
Is this the moment I have prepared for?
I slowly walk by. There she is again, the one who
haunts my dreams and crushes my soul at her very thought.


Coward.
I walked by
only to keep walking.
I will think of the words I must say.
This will give me the courage to face her.
Deep breath, there she is, here I am, what am I doing?


My legs begin to shake and my hands begin to sweat.
I am looking her in the eye and have lost the ability
to speak, to think, to move, to be!
I am as cold as the ice that now
runs through her veins
as a result of me
and what I
did to
her.


There is so much I want to tell her that I can't express.
I still think about you often.
I wish I could change
The past and I
hope that we
can maybe
start over
fresh.
I know that this may be a hard thing to do.
I know that it is something you probably
do not want to attempt with me.
But this whole thing is strange.
I wish I could tell you how
I truly feel about you.
I wish I could say
that I truly care.
I know it is
pointless.


What are the chances of you actually holding back?
How likely is your apathy a mask for your pain?
Blasphemy to think that you are showing
a face that is not truly how you feel.
But what if that was the case?
What if you were holding
back something that
you wished you
could share?
What if there was a secret place where you wrote a poem too?
Could there be a side to this that you are hiding from me?
Are there feelings that you are still hiding from yourself?
These are the things I think of while I am alone.
I cling to the what-ifs, and cherish the past.
But there we were that day, talking.
Trying to find a way to fix
the past the best way.
Does she know
the reason
why?
I do not think that she understands why I did what was done.
I do not think she knows why I could not tell her.
I do not think she is aware that I began to care
for her and I needed more time to think.
Do you remember the night we
became one body, one soul?
That was the very night
I meant to come clean.
This was day three
and was meant
to be the day
I confessed.
But there you were, so beautiful and perfect.
You made the night so amazing I could not
ruin what we had started. I knew at that
point I wanted to continue because
I had feelings for you.
It was not about ***,
it was about you,
and I together
to see what
it could be.


Do you remember the night I came clean to you?
It is a night that haunts all others as I sleep.
I did not tell you because I wanted you
to leave. I told you because I was
finally sure with what I wanted.
I wanted to be with you.
I wanted to see where
this could bring us.
You cannot deny
our chemistry.


Do you want to know another thing I didn't tell you?
I know that you were hiding your feelings.
The apathy card did not fool me at all.
I know that I really hurt you.
I wish I thought you
did not care.
But I know that this is not the case with us.
I feel like I broke your heart.
It may not have been love
but it was something
special that I have
never felt before.
Although you
won't admit
it, I think
that you
felt it
too.
Two people do not get that close that soon.
I wanted to continue with you.
I wish I would have been
able to keep you from
going back into his
arms again.
I mean
who
does he think he is, treating an amazing girl so poorly?
I absolutely despise how he treats you.
But what can I say to you?
I can be better to you?
Be more genuine?
I know I can
but I have
lost your
trust.


I tend to write dramatic, and I often come across as sad,
but I try not to feel these feelings in my everyday life.
I often do not really know how I am feeling until I
begin to write it down in this secret document.
This past Wednesday was the last class of the
semester and it was the only time that you
were able to really get to me, I will admit.
I felt like you were trying to flaunt him
in my face to add misery to our
confused triangle of supposed
friends and unsure lovers.
It may just be all in my
head but I was the
fool who let it
all get to
me.


I was embarrassed and surprised that I felt something like jealousy.
I know that you are now dating again, I have heard it from both
of you, although you told me in very different ways.
I hate how he told me, and I hate how he talks
about you. I think he is okay as a person,
but I do not think he treats you as well
as you deserve to be treated.
However, as long as you
are happy, then I can
tolerate anything
and anyone
else.


There is one thing that I wish I could ask you.
It is going back to the day we last talked.
You said that next semester maybe
things could be different with us.
But how did you mean that?
Did you mean that as
maybe being as
friends once
more?
Clarity in these words I wish I had.
I am torn on what to do next.
I don't think I should send
This one to you.
I think that it may say too much.
It may be too clear, too bold.
Too ordinary too unpoetical.
I wonder what you think
Of these poems. I wish
I could have a real
answer someday.
I wish one time
you would
respond.


Life, Like this poem, has many ups and downs
like eternal stairs that are left incomplete.
The best thing we can do is to try
not to be one of those people
that sadly gets left at the
shorter end of this
Eternal Circle.

I now sit here with the darkest poet, from long ago,
his sad story is similar to me.
Hidden as Quarles, though him you may know
as the one who loved Annabel Lee.
The difference, his love, loved with no other thought
than to love and be loved by he.

We met young, though I was not a child,
In our kingdom by the sea.
Our love was a love that was stranger than love,
I and the new Annabel Lee.
What is the will of the winged seraphs of heaven?
Do they condone or condemn her and me?

What is the reason that long ago,
in the kingdom by the sea.
That over us came a dark cloud, chilling
my beautiful new Annabel Lee.
Her icy veins now run deep,
and have taken her away from me.
An easier fate be served in a tomb,
residing where the winter tides return from the sea.

Were the dancing angels of heaven
envying her and me?
This must be the reason we part! I  know,
as I have been where the winter tides return from the sea.
My love's end differs from Poe, but surely I know
What its like to lose Annabel Lee.

Although your love was stronger by far than the love
of those far older than thee,
and those far wiser than we,
My lost love can't be blamed upon the angels in heaven,
nor the demons down under the sea.
My soul shall dissever from her soul forever,
and I have no one to blame but me.

Yet the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
of the beautiful new Annabel Lee.
And still the stars never rise, without me seeing the eyes
of my darling, that hates me, and abreast I shall ne'er abide.
I shall be the one consumed by the winter tides returning to the sea.
Stuck in the tomb that shall never be.

To you i never knew.
You are not forgotten.
The blackened angel cannot take your memory from those who still weep your name.

To you i never knew.
You are still loved.
The eternal potion of aphrodite lingers
And the proven love remains.

To you i never knew.
You are very real.
The salty sands of the summer tides
Is where I imagine you reside.

To you i never knew.
You are mourned by a friend.
The winter of life's bitterness
Keeps you in her heart.

To you i never knew.
You are significant.
The weight of your death holds on her heart
Is enough to be felt by me.

To you i never knew.
You are to be eternalized.
The longer end of the eternal circle shall come back
To console those you left behind.

To you i never knew.
You are remembered.
The icy veins cast by me melt,
As she embraces the thought of you.

To you i never knew.
You are cared by even me.
The only way I can console
Her is to write this for you.

To you i never knew.
You are truly beloved.
The best tribute from me to you
Is For her to know someone else cares.

Succumbed to Dionysus' will.
We wallowed together out of the door.
We left them behind, the moment stood still.

The hand of Apollo seems to urge more,
For I express what I most love and fear.
You are the great secret that I adore.

Aphrodite seeming to interfere
With our forbidden moment that kills time.
The harrowing stars is what brings us near.

How do I express our moment in rhyme?
I caught you here in my arms as you fell,
our song played in a harmonious chime.

Ananke  bares upon this twisted hell
That inevitably will make us one.
How long will we continue to rebel?

Mnemosyne remembers the past we shun,
And she now sees the moment in our eyes.
When, I wonder with this, shall we be done?

Right now you hide not behind all the lies
Our faces close, we are about to kiss,
The  interruption led to its demise

Perses, the one who creates our ill bliss,
Is also the destructor of all we
Ever hope  to both love and to e'er miss.

Now all that will be left is you and me,
and our moment though close, ne'er came to be.

I am left speechless.
How could we have kissed again?
To you meant nothing.

A few days a part with time to think.
The results of my actions are starting to sink.
I try to move on despite that nagging voice,
wondering if I had made the right choice.

As I sit here thinking, this poem forms despite,
The feeling of sinking, and how I hate to write.
This is an outlet of the past, something I had let go,
but the drought did not last, and I have this to show.

I hate to write with form,
I despise of its grace.
But just as an impending storm,
I must finish the race.

I took her advice and rethought what I need.
But the reoccurring thought is how I must supersede.
Even the nights of which I don't spend alone.
My actions of betrayal I cannot condone.

Even when with her, there is a silent voice.
Hating me for making the wrong choice.
How can I stay with one when I think of another?
How long can I maintain this halfhearted cover?

I do not expect a reply, or even for this to be read.
I know our brief past, you wish to be dead.
Writing for me gives a final chance,
To express what I feel and finish the dance.

I know what we had was brief, yet true.
And I promise that I was genuine with you.
I am not trying to **** back into your grace.
I will do my best to give you your space.

I thought these poems I would limit to three,
Then you would never have to hear from me.
But maybe your reaction is worse than I intend,
Since after the last, you deleted me as your friend.

Even without you, I cannot stay with her.
With this everyday I am becoming more sure.
Although last week I had been with two,
I would rather have none if I can't have you.



Silly I know, you said you barely cared.
This was a thought you clearly shared.
Barely phased by me, you seemed to leave,
Leaving me with nothing to retrieve.

I hope you take all this with stride.
And realize how it kills my pride.
To admit such feelings when I attempt to be so tough.
And knowing that nothing I say will be good enough.

So for my actions I am torn on what to do.
When one has told me to stay away from you.
Another of whom you seem quite fond,
Told me to attempt to regain that bond.

As for me I don't know what to do.
I will do whatever is best for you.
I just don't want you last thoughts of me,
to be of a person you could not genuinely see.

You are an amazing girl, and deserve much more,
Than all the things I have had in-store.
We just moved so fast and I never had the chance,
To figure out what I wanted from our dance.

Being with you felt so right, and it was hard to ration,
the true feelings of my confused passion.
For your sake I am glad I told you then.
But I needed more time, despite no good when.

If I had more time maybe I would have silently chose you.
That is what my heart wanted me to do.
But you seemed disinterested, and I blew that chance.
And I had to come clean before we finished our dance.

So this is the second of three, and I don't expect a reply.
If I do not hear from you again, then I will let this all die.
I contemplate not sending this to give you your space,
But I feel that I must, as a “just in case.”

If you reply with a “stop,” after my send,
The trilogy of poems will come to an end.
I say this merely as a virtual knock.
I do not wish for this to end in a virtual block.

If you do not reply to me, there will one day be a third stance,
And it will truly mark the end of our dance.
I know I should not send this, but I must despite,
because I can't leave this behind without a fight.

I know for you I may be making this hard.
Perhaps this poem is an unfair card.
But I do not write this for style, or for something to do.
I feel compelled to write because I never got to say goodbye to you.

So here's the final verse in this second song.
If you wish it, I will not be here for long.
I conclude with a reluctant push of the send.
I hope one day you can find a dance that does not come to an end.

Lie to me.
Tell me we have nothing,
And I am mistaken.

Lie to me.
Tell me you did not know about the kiss,
And you did not know of your actions.

Lie to me.
Tell me there is nothing more we share,
And you want to forget.

Lie to me.
Tell me you never wish to kiss me again,
And you regret our past.

Lie to me.
Tell me all the things you tell yourself,
And we can live our lie.

Lie to me.
Tell me you wish for us to part,
And not speak of this again.

Lie to me.
Tell me you want me to go away forever,
And we can end with our meaningless lies.

Some songs do not truly end,
they only change with time.
It seems are song follows this trend,
and I am forced to revert to rhyme.

The broken dance of silent dreams
was meant to be the close.
But there's a remix of our song it seems,
and I'm forced to think with prose.

Do you remember what I set out to do,
a year from this very day?
It seems my words of passion were true
and the dance is having its way.

There is a twist to our broken song,
and it has lead me straight back to you.
and now this is a place we both truly belong,
but I am hampered on what to do.

Ad Finem,
It rose tonight  with no warning and came,
and over and over it spoke your name.
It's neck was red where my hands beheld it,
and scorched my brow with its scorching breath.
I thought it was dead, but with no warning
It told me a love like this can know no death.

It was enough to wake me at the hour of three,
and to frazzle my sense of verse.
And it won't let me stop thinking of you and me,
and the eternal circle curse.

My thoughts shall not turn to action,
they will not interfere.
For the negative reaction,
means no more than means a tear.

I must think to a hundred years from now dear heart,
when the grief will be o'er.
I must accept the absence of the kiss through the rose leaf rain,
and mask this dreadful secret pain.

I now know that it knows no death,
and so for that I will save my breath.
It's something that goes beyond the laws of verse and rhyme,
It is something withstanding the test of time.

The structured chaos of our sinking house of dreams
is where this all must stay.
For I just want to see you happy it seems,
and I could not stand to push you away.

I would love to put away our past,
and start something fresh anew.
For a friendship is something that can last,
and I would like to have that with you.

I love when we are together,
but I can't help how I feel.
I shall mask it altogether,
despite it being real.

I just do not understand my heart,
Though I know it true.
We had such a brief start,
yet it has lasted through.

I have never been like this,
my lingering feelings make no sense.
Something about our kiss
made this all intense.

So for now I will sit here thinking
of the meaning of this poem.
Why I was awakened to write this,
and why to you I roam.

So number six of this story,
of how a broken man gleams,
searching for our glory,
sinking in our house of dreams.