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UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIGH

The three Blind Mice.

The Three Blind Mice.

They didn’t tell  ya  the same thing twice
(&             they wasn’t             very nice) .

And they wasn’t blind...see? ..that was just a blind.
(They wore shades to hide their eyes)      
Maestros with a switch - blade knife.

They ran all the vice
& any opposition had already lost their lives.

But fk it...lately... the farmer’s wife
(it was rumoured that she had done
the old man in... taken over everything)      
and was now muscling in on  

their  territory.

They didn’t like it

They  weren’t used to being told
what they could ‘n’ couldn’t do.

Confrontation & respect was due.

Both ***** bore a tattoo
that proclaimed in Latin:  

“Trouble & strive! ”
& “F*
you! ”

Her other tattoo(just above her ***** hair)      
stated in mock Gothic script:

”Abandon hope all ye who enter here! ”

One night the Farmer’s wife decided
to  separate   the men   from    the mice

Had ‘em: -  rubbed out

courtesy of a ****** known locally only
as “Slasher Gore.”

Now the three blind mice don’t see so good no more.

See...

...being dead ain’t good for the sight.

Ain’t dat right...?

Meanwhile back at the ranch
meet the new big Mama of Vice

T H E    F A R M E R ’ S    W I F E

just like it spells out in nasty neon light

twinkling...twinkling

  
   obscuring the starlight.
1d · 39
FAIRYTALE
FAIRYTALE

I sit by your bedside
watching your dying.

Only Love
nails me to this pain.

I unable to escape
your dying.

I tell you
Irish legends
& Hans Christian Anderson

as you become
again

(if only for a little while)

the child
you used to be

once upon a time

when wonder & delight
were new
as daylight.

“Tell me Lir! ”

“Tell me the Children of Lir! ”

I tell
of how

they are turned into swans
& the loneliness of eternity.

I too knit nettles
to break the spell

throw the garment over
your cancer’d body

so you can
return again
to being

the human
I have known.

This dying is cruel
beyond belief.

An insult
to your life.

I love you so much I would **** you
if I could **** you
but I...can’t.

I want every breath
of you

not to be your last.

You journey to your death
dancing with your pain

my little mermaid
my little ballerina

I guard
your dying

a Constant
Tin Soldier

as you become
foam

foam
on the sea.

Just a day ago
******* a sultana

I held
on the tip of my fingertip

telling me to call your name.

“I love
living in your voice! ”

“So nice...so nice! ”

And I a blind Prince

wandering now
lost in the fairy tale

of your Death.

I close
your eyes.

kiss the last warmth
of your lips.
LOOKING JUST LIKE MY PHOTO

I look just like my photo
(impersonating my self)
even have me fooled

I walk around in a blaze of grief
pretending to be the me
I can no longer be

even my reflection
can't look me in the eye
my shadow tries to escape me

your death is as
everywhere as weather
is

your birthday arrives
without you
the night is hollow

your death alters the
world...changes it &
puts it back in exactly

the same place
(an exact copy)that
doesn't fool me

the season of loss arrives
the leaves flee before me
the world no longer knows me
". . .ON THE OTHER SIDE OF SILENCE. . ."

The War? I was so
glad to get out of it alive
even if it was as someone else

who...I was...died
it was the only way to survive
I became a stranger to my self

I had been so scared
I was going to die
now I'm scared of being alive

I watched better men than
me...die so...easily
I hated me for surviving

I still hear their laughter
how real they were
more realer now than I

the dead stare at me
silently
envying me this life

"Here: have it...take it!"
I scream at them
they stare at me silently

i feel as if I've cheated them
out of their future
"I got...lucky...that's all!"

When I get to
the bottom of
the bottle I

put the ***** top back on
trap them inside
the bottle's emptiness

the passing midnight cars
light up the ***** yellow walls
wallpaper roses blossom out of the dark

I reach for the next bottle
they stare at me silently
"I got lucky...that's...all!"

*

If we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel’s heart beat, and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence.

George Eliot ~  MIDDLEMARCH"
FALLING INTO THE PAST

the tick tick of the bike
a dog barks
letter on a Welcome mat

the midnight tick of time
the house sighs
Dad's whistle

ambushed by the smell
of honeysuckle
I fall into the Past

red barn
blue sky
a summer to last forever

Caruso 78
I listen to the scratches
like Time trying to sing along

I kiss the whorl
of a fingertip then
the all of you

your body
drifting away from me
on a tide of hurt

'I don't like the way
your eyes
touch me! '

starlings fly up
I walk upon close bitten grass
a sheep laughs

a car rusts on the beach
the roofless house
looks out to sea

the sea is sleeping
I watch it breathing
wonder what it's dreaming

the house hunkers down
its window eyes
gaze upon the coming storm

crouching under a cloud
a mountain
frightened by the storm

walking upon
the meniscus of sleep
unable to dive in

& here you are
years later looking like
an out of focus photo of your self

*

I was going on with the details she told me about...the break up with her husband and all the things she saw when it was happening and burned themselves into her mind. Then years years later I discover the photograph of her then and the photograph contains some of those details. She is out of focus because she doesn't want to be in the photo and moves away just as the shutter is clicked. So we too step out of the poem and her life. All the details mean something to me as I can still hear them all in her voice....the little details that she observed through her tears. Now when she has died and the photo turns up I can tie together all she told me and all what the photo contains and marry them together to tell more of her story. He had cheated on her and she was heartbroken and couldn't stand his presence. Meanwhile the ordinary world still goes on despite her heartbreak and her life about to change. She was kissing his fingertips and then kissing him more and more when he suddenly blurted out that he had had an affair but that it was all over now and it didn't mean anything. But she couldn't live with that. When I came to write it I mostly remembered all the details she told me about rather than the complete whole story and that is what my mind latched onto. If I wrote it today I would probably come in on a different trajectory and it would be a completely different poem and made entirely different choices. But I like what I have captured here and it is more closer to her perception of how it all panned out. It was her voice and I only shaped it into the poem trying to retain her sense of it all. The last verse is my discovering the photograph and all the grief I experienced on seeing what was once only a voice talking to me in the night and crying and crying as she went over all the details again and again.
2d · 36
HERE I BE!
HERE I BE!

South of the buzzing
of a hairy bumble bee

North of the big dog’s bark

West of the breeze
tickling  cherry blossom trees

East of the sunlight
stealing over the fields

that’s where

you will
find me.

*

I ESSERE QUI!

Sud del ronzio
di un peloso bombò

A nord del grande cane abbaia

A ovest della brezza
il solletico alberi di ciliegio in fiore

Est della luce del sole
rubare i campi

ecco dove
troverete me.

*

"Where were you Tilly?" I asked innocently. "I was by the big cloud pretending to be a tiger beside the worm...look!" And with that she produced the worm she had been hiding behind her back. So she had gone to the bottom of the garden...hopefully not to eat 'em.

So I thought I also would get my bearings the three year old Tilly way! I was singing Ariel's "Where the bee ***** there **** I..." so I guess this got cross-pollinated with where and who I was. It takes a little girl to teach one how to live in the world in the rightest of ways.

My little girl's sense of where she was...as if it were written in the sky and the world was simply there to do her bidding. She used her own personal co-ordinates to bring in a thought to land.
"...THE WEPYING TYME..."

my 9 year old self
bargains with God
"Let me die in her place!"

Christ on the cross
snickers with candlelight
at such impudence

"If you want a life
...a death...take me!"
"Straight swop!" I explain reasonably

I urge God again
to accept my offer
the silence deepens

the silence enters him
fills him to the brim
only a tear escapes

God un-god-ed
by my sister's death
I tell Him to go to Hell

*

The title comes from a phrase of Sir Thomas More whilst he awaited trail and execution in the the Tower of London.
A SURPRISE OF BUTTERFLIES

A cluster
(is that the correct term
for the collective noun)  

a cluster
of butterflies?

Maybe it should be
a joy of butterflies

a surprise of butterflies.

My little girl
amazed

as they invade
our garden

even settling upon
her
as if she were

a walking
flower.

She young enough
to believe

these
are the fairies

one reads about.

Imagination
& Reality

for this one
(moment)  

becoming
One.

**

A kindle of kittens...a watch of nightingales...a sulk of foxes! I love the surprising collectives...they are almost surreal.
I DREAMPT THAT I DWELT

"I dreamt that I dwelt in marble halls
With vassals and serfs at my side"

my father would hum or sing
or da da dah'd as he sawed.

"And of all who assembled within those walls
That I was the hope and the pride."

A shining smile of nails
as he hammered the tune home.

Carpentry was for me
songs and words and stories.

Tall tales and wood shavings
from my father's "reminiscings'".

Saw dust floating in a summer
were to me atoms made visible.

I played with wood instead
of planning it.

The various tools transformed
with one imaginative leap.

Hand drill and spirit level
became Star Trek ships

attacked by a fleet
of tape measures.

Hacksaws...jigsaws were
all the one to me really.

And yes I knew that tooth spacing
and tooth shape were important in a saw.

A wavy set and milled teeth for plastic and metals.
A side set and ground tooth for a fast clean cut with wood.

But to me they were merely the teeth
of various pterodactyls in my Harryhausen mood.

And yes I planed wood
but only to release the genie of the pine.

The scent a magic
carpet ride.

And I planed and planed
until there was nothing left

but the graceful curl of
a sea of wood shavings.

Later he would laugh
when I brought him Carroll's parody.

"I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls,
And each damp thing that creeps and crawls
went wobble-wobble on the walls..."

Or an Orwell even...

"I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls,
And woke to find it true;
I wasn't born for an age like this;
Was Smith? Was Jones? Were you?"

Or auld Jimmy the Joist
and his warping words

"When you dreamt that you'd wealth
in marble arch do you ever think of pool beg slowe."

Cracking up when
Finnegans Wake'd

"... at this passing moment
by localoption in the birds' lodging,

me pheasants among,
where I'll dreamt that I'll dwealth

mid warblers' walls when throstles and choughs
to my sigh hiehied,..."

"Ahhh Dónall lad yer a great one
for the books but

ya never took to the wood
it was always words words words!"

"But I also dreamt, which charmed me most
That you loved me still the same
That you loved me, you loved me still the same
That you loved me, you loved me still the same"





Always remember my Da singing this to me and I cuddled closely into him...his voice almost a whisper...the words his breath upon my cheek. I was very very small and he always told me that I was his hope and pride and that he loved me...he loved me...still the same. I would fall asleep to his singing and he would carry me to bed and give me a kiss on the top of my head....I was never so happy and felt so loved and adored.

And he sang it to me after my sister was killed in a bus crash with tears rolling down his checks.
Or Mr. Carroll's parody .NUMBER 1: THE PALACE OF HUMBUG

I DREAMT I dwelt in marble halls, And each damp thing that
creeps and crawls Went wobble-wobble on the walls.
Faint odours of departed cheese, Blown on the dank, unwholesome
breeze, Awoke the never-ending sneeze.
Strange pictures decked the arras drear, Strange characters of woe
and fear, The humbugs of the social sphere.
One showed a vain and noisy ****, That shouted empty words and
big At him that nodded in a wig.
And one, a dotard grim and gray, Who wasteth childhood’s happy
day In work more profitless than play.
Whose icy breast no pity warms, Whose little victims sit in swarms,
And slowly sob on lower forms.
And one, a green thyme-honoured Bank, Where flowers are
growing wild and rank, Like weeds that fringe a poisoned tank.
All birds of evil omen there Flood with rich Notes the tainted air,
The witless wanderer to snare.
The fatal Notes neglected fall, No creature heeds the treacherous
call, For all those goodly Strawn Baits Pall.
The wandering phantom broke and fled, Straightway I saw within
my head A vision of a ghostly bed, Where lay two worn decrepit
2
men, The fictions of a lawyer’s pen, Who never more might breathe
again.
The serving-man of Richard Roe Wept, inarticulate with woe: She
wept, that waited on John Doe.
“Oh rouse”, I urged, “the waning sense With tales of tangled
evidence, Of suit, demurrer, and defence.”
“Vain”, she replied, “such mockeries: For morbid fancies, such as
these, No suits can suit, no plea can please.”
And bending o’er that man of straw, She cried in grief and sudden
awe, Not inappropriately, “Law!”
The well-remembered voice he knew, He smiled, he faintly
muttered “Sue!” (Her very name was legal too.)
The night was fled, the dawn was nigh:
A hurricane went raving by, And swept the Vision from mine eye.
Vanished that dim and ghostly bed, (The hangings, tape; the tape
was red:) ‘Tis o’er, and Doe and Roe are dead!
Oh, yet my spirit inly crawls, What time

Oxford, 1855.


Or Orwell's 1946 essay WHY I WRITE...
A happy vicar I might have been
Two hundred years ago,
To preach upon eternal doom
And watch my walnuts grow
But born, alas, in an evil time,
I missed that pleasant haven,
For the hair has grown on my upper lip
And the clergy are all clean-shaven.
And later still the times were good,
We were so easy to please,
We rocked our troubled thoughts to sleep
On the bosoms of the trees.
All ignorant we dared to own
The joys we now dissemble;
The greenfinch on the apple bough
Could make my enemies tremble.
But girls’ bellies and apricots,
Roach in a shaded stream,
Horses, ducks in flight at dawn,
All these are a dream.
It is forbidden to dream again;
We maim our joys or hide them;
Horses are made of chromium steel
And little fat men shall ride them.
I am the worm who never turned,
The ****** without a harem;
Between the priest and the commissar
I walk like Eugene Aram;
And the commissar is telling my fortune
While the radio plays,
But the priest has promised an Austin Seven,
For Duggie always pays.
I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls,
And woke to find it true;
I wasn’t born for an age like this;
Was Smith? Was Jones? Were you?


5d · 46
PAYSAGE TRISTE
PAYSAGE TRISTE

at age
9 or 10
(who can remember when)  

an early Eliot
pens
little verses

(sunlight & shadow
frolicking across the page
as he writes)  

- his hand moving rapidly
from left to right –
of that intense

“sadness
of having to
start school

again
every
Monday morning.”

see how
to his tiny mind
THE WASTE LAND

stretches before him
stretches before him
stretches before him

*   *  

INTRO TO THE OUTRO: Writing  PAYSAGE TRISTE

Valerie Eliot talking about Tom in 1966 informs us that the great man “...at the age of 9 or 10 wrote a few little verses about the sadness of having to start school again every Monday morning.”

One can imagine, after so many cakes and ices, this little child forcing the moment to its crisis & thinking it impossible to say just what he means.

And indeed there will be Time…and he will grow old...grow old...and he will have to grapple with overwhelming questions dropped upon his plate and wonder whether he dare(“Do it Tom…do it! ”)   eat a peach...and yes part your hair behind... never mind what the human voices say...dream on...dream on...

...and hear the mermaids singing each to each and despite what you think they will…sing to you!

Trust me! You’ll be alright mate...why you’ll do “the police in different voices” and I (for one)   shall be for ever...amazed. This is a love song for that little boy.

“Hurry up please... it’s Time! ”

Ah bless... poor little T.S.

I break through the time barrier and give the little chap a hug and a kiss.

Good night sweet Thomas…good night...good night..goodnight!

**

THE NAMING OF SPIDERS

Inside the seashell
is

a perfect little spiral
staircase

upon which
the minutest little spider
is

ascending & descending  

totally oblivious
to me.

I’d like to
pick its perfection

pluck it from its
Universe

but then
what would the little spider do.

I leave him
at it

my shadow passing
over him

like a doom
that has this time…not happened.

I do not dare
disturb his universe.

I walk along
the beach
eating a peach

growing old

thinking I can hear

mermaids singing

my little pocket edition
of T.S. Eliot

in a forgotten
moment

fallen

lost among those yellow
sands.

I always wonder
if the little spider

(known to me for ever after as J.A.Prufrock)

ever discovered it... devoured it... & thought it
...profound?

spiraling up & down
the staircase

of his sea shell manor.
5d · 65
AND TIME A THIEF
AND TIME A THIEF

She hugged her books
to her *******.

Her ******* hardening into
her Othello and Algebra.

She watched his mouth
move

alive with words
she heard nothing of

only
her name

"...yadayadaMARY...
...yada yada MARY!"

A bead of sweat
trickled between her *******.

She tried to catch
her breath and

what he was saying but
it only gave her hiccups.

She squirmed
under his gaze

a butterfly
held by a pin

pleasure that was
pain.

"And that was how
I met your Dad!"

She tells this story
only when she's very very

tipsy
crying now

for the girl she was
- then:

the Shakespeare & Maths
pressed to her chest

the world
awaiting her.

*

Just the most popular boy in the school who she sat tongue-tied behind and who was really into her but she didn't find out until they had both left school. She had a big crush on him and fancied him for ages. They got married...had kids...their kids had kids. One of the grandchildren asked how and when they had got together and the poem is her telling them! They just couldn't conceive of grampsy and grandma having once being as young as they with all the same emotions and feelings
CHASING ANGELS...FLEEING DEMONS

The morning was
a mountain

that had to be
climbed because

it was there.

She wasn't going to let
the mountain conquer her.

The whiskey helped.

She sat through endless
early morning TV.

She wondered if one could die
of endless early morning TV.

The gone cold fried eggs
with the subbed out cigarette

in its centre
like a flying saucer

invaded her
sense of self

"Is this what I've
come to...?"

she asked a mirror.

The mirror kept shtum .

The plate smashed to smithereens
on the cinnamon coloured wall

leaving a satisfying stain
resembling Argentina

trailing down like a Rorschach test
of how she was

feeling.

Another whiskey wouldn't
hurt...would it?  

*

“Chasing angels or fleeing demons, go to the mountains.”

― Jeffrey Rasley, Bringing Progress to Paradise: What I Got from Giving to a Mountain Village in Nepal
WOKE UP IT WAS A CHELSEA MORNING

I decanted myself
from sleep
poured myself into this new morning

this being
the only body I had
I asked the morning to be gentle

"Ha! This ol'thing!"
the morning smirked
plunging me into a passing moment

I dive into the skin
of the moment
at one now with Time

"Hey..howaydoin'"
smiled a second I hadn't seen before
gone...before I could even say hello

my sleep self
feeling naked without a dream
adopting to this human realm

"So, here we are in the actual!"
my sleep self yawns at the world
"Well, didyaevah!"

I engage in conversation
with my legs
we indulge in the first step...next step

I put on the world
like a greatcoat that don't fit
Life smiles at me

my sleep self still
gossiping with my awake self
"HEYWATCHWHEREY'AREFU*KINGGOING!" screams a taxi

birds write themselves across a sky
or sit like notes
on telegraph wires

one bird flies off
another arrives
the music changes

I rearrange my life
around
( your absence )
Sep 23 · 58
PINK HIGH HEEL SHOES
PINK HIGH HEEL SHOES

I remember drinking
pink champagne

from your pink
high heel shoes.

I remember making love
with you

wearing only
your pink high heel shoes.

I remember
how your pink high heel shoes

became

candle holders
ashtrays
(where you stashed your hash)

deadly weapons
in an...OW!...row!

& you ask me
do I remember

your pink high heel shoes?

Do I?
I do!
"THE EARTH IS LIKE A CHILD THAT KNOWS POEMS BY HEART."

the night
had stuffed the dark
into every crevice

of the house
and his life
awoke to a big blue sky

holding a crocus
in the palm
of its morning

the world was
springing into being
all around him

as if existence had
changed its mind and
decided to stay

a solitary oak
reached
a gnarled hand

and snatched a cloud
( that happened
to be passing by )

out of the air
just like
that

the cloud
struggled
to break free

the oak
gave a hearty laugh
and let it go

the cloud scurried away
fretfully looking
over its shoulder

"So, what kept ya?"
he asked Spring
Spring...just smiled
Sep 21 · 475
. . .SNOW FALLS. . .
SNOW FALLS

She wakes to a morning
with no reason for living

cries in the mirror
to be forgiven.

Puts on her make-up
takes off her clothes

sits there & bleeds
until she can’t feel

the blood in her veins
...runs cold.

The razorblade
bleeds...bleeds.

The cat cries
to be fed.

The batteries in her Walkman
go dead.

The Rachmaninov stops.

A letter she will never read
drops on the Welcome mat.

A mobile rings & rings &...stops.

A member of a minor political party
looking for her vote

rings the doorbell twice
slips on the ice    &   ruins his coat.

Curses.

A man laughs at another man’s joke.
It’s a big laugh...he’s a big bloke.

Laughter invades the square.

There’s a chill in the air.

A friend calls for her
(to go on a blind date)  

...she doesn’t hear.

Snow...
...snow...
...snow falls.
MUSIC HEARD FAINTLY ON THE EDGE OF SOUND

The air looked
startled by the thunder

lightning ripped
the sky apart

easy as paper.

Later the evening
wore an ugly bruise

as if Heaven
had been badly beaten up

& left for dead.

The horizon remained
tight lipped

even the crows
refused to caw.

The trees said nothing.

The man
nursed his pain

like a drunk
over a slow gin

retracing his footsteps
to the car

sat inside
as darkness fell

& cried
softly to himself.  

*


A friend of mine who's wife was killed in a car crash( he survived but didn't want to)drove to a secluded spot to commit suicide. He stood in the storm that broke upon him when suddenly he heard singing down in the valley...invisible singing. It was a woman's voice singing in Gaelic and he didn't know what it was she was singing...but it was spookily beautiful. He never found out who it was either...the voice walked across the thick trees below him and finally out of reach and so...he determined...not to...take his life. He regarded it as a sign from his dead wife but of course it was just some hiker singing to her self as she trekked across the valley totally unaware of his troubles and singing to her self because she thought she was on her own and singing just...for the joy ...of singing!

His story always reminded me of Wordsworth's THE SOLITARY REAPER....will no one tell me what she sings?"

In this case she sang to ward off death
Sep 19 · 79
CREATING YOU
CREATING YOU

The seconds flock
about me

nibbling at the Who I Am
time devouring my existence.

My dreams walk around
naked.

A sky lies asleep
in a window.

My shadow crawls
up the walls

as if it longed
to escape  me.

The mirror shows a stranger
wearing my face.

In the candle's flicker I
live frame by frame

in a black and white
celluloid  world.

I can only touch you
with language

hold you
with words

create you time
and time again

as you come alive
walk about in my sentences.

As long as I write
you are living.

I dreading the final
full stop.

I see you
walk away

into an ellipsis'
footsteps

you fading into
its dot dot dot

on the snow drift
of a page
Sep 18 · 91
THE TELLER OF TALES
THE TELLER OF TALES

Fragile as a little bird
you alight on my lap

weighing no more

than a dream
or a wonder would.

You adjust your bony ***
perch & command me to begin:

“Say... the story! ”

This is how the story
always begins

eyelash to eyelash
chin to chin.

You gaze into my eyes
as if the story already

exists there
and my voice just colours it in.

Whether it be Grimm
or Hans Christian Andersen

you never take
your eyes

off of
my eyes.

Your little hands
hold the sides of my face

So(you say)
you can feel

“The way the words move! ”

And night after night
to your and my
ever greater delight

You say: “Say... the story! ”
And the night listens

as the big human
weaves a world

for the little human
to get lost in

& find herself
again.

Precious as water
little daughter

I carry your sleeping
& put your dreams

to bed.
Sep 16 · 90
TEARING TIME APART
TEARING TIME APART

There's that same old
sun hung up in the sky

my my how
time goes by

he can only just
catch sight of

his dead wife's smile

as the earth treks
around that same old

star
the exact timbre

of her
voice

lost to him now
as galaxies revolve

the days torn away
from the fabric of time

the 1963
gas station calendar

with a bikini'd girl
smiling in Kodachrome

the dates
in bright red

telling it how
it is

63 days to be
exact

since she fell
off the edge of the earth

into the infinity
of death.

The dawn
inches up the lawn

like some wounded
creature.

Cartoon music
from a too loud

television
in another room.

He calls her name:
"June...June...June!"
Sep 16 · 96
INTERFACE
INTERFACE

My reflection
looks back at me

from the winter
darkened window

every now &
then - borrowing a bus

or a passing truck
to use for a brain

& then: the emptiness
of night flooding

in again or
a clutch of pedestrians

huddle against
the driving rain

drifting through my face
like long lost ghosts.

Rain
turning to sleet.

"So..?" my reflections
enquires of me

"...what are we
going to do then?"

A BMW
its accusing eyes

I watch the traffic
of its thoughts

having to admit
that it hurt more

than a
bit

that, I "...just
don't know..?"

Some crazy zombie leaves
throw themselves at the window

as if trying to
devour my face.

I hope the glass
will hold.

My reflection saying
nothing, but:

I could see it
thought I was

a disgrace
as to the who

the hell
I thought

I was

a police siren
screaming through the smile

I had nailed on

I could feel
I was not

going to
like me

for a long, long
time.
Sep 16 · 110
SCATTERED DREAMS
SCATTERED DREAMS

whenever I fell
asleep
my father came

cupped me in his hands
carried me to bed
as if I were as precious

as water
in a hot dry land or
draped like discarded clothing


on a couch...in a garden
on a bench or a beach
I would be gathered up

& awake to find myself
back in the safety
of my own bed

and I would have
thought
I had flown

or being magically
transported by
a spell

but it was only
the ordinary
magic of my father

cradling me
in his arms
gathering up the littlest

of my scattered dreams
stroking my hair
& tip-toeing backwards

out of the room
his voice
full of tenderness

casting a spell
“Good night son...
goodnight...goodnight.”
CONSUBSTANTIALITY...LIKE
REALLY REALLY. . . *****!
( for Eddie )

God the Father
God the Son
& the Holy Ghost

flat-share
at no.42 Holy Trinity Flats, Guildford.

Not exactly the best
idea in the Universe

for this rather dysfunctional
family unit.

God the Father
tries to get out

of doing the hovering but
(ha hah yes ... it’s Sunday ... His day ).

God the Son runs
a bath and when

the water’s just about
right ... then he... practises

walking upon it.

“I wish you wouldn’t ... do that!”
says God the Father jealously.

“Sorry ... God the Dad!
Just trying to get to ...haha...Carnegie Hall!"

‘Ere this Being
3 persons

in the one God thingy
is doin’ me nut in!

I don’t know how humans
get their heads round it!”

God the Father
harrumphs omnipotently

“I did it for a lark .. didn’t I?”
he wheezes asthmatically.

“Didn’t think they’d ever
believe it!”

“Now, the joke’s on me!”

“You seen THE HOLY GHOST?”
enquires God the Father pretend-politely.

“Naw ... our Da!
I thought he was ...like...with you!”

“Will you stop turning wine into water!
Anyway you got it **** 'bout ***..you & your party tricks!”

(“Sorry ... our Da”
squeals God the Son)

“Well, listen, you see...
(you listening to me?)

you tell him it’s his turn
to do the washing up!"

God the Father
storms off in a huff.

“Geeeeeez!” whinges God the Son.
“Geeeeeez!”

* Not to be confused with. . . .CONSUBSTANTIATION!

. . .which as you well know is “a theological doctrine that attempts to describe the nature of the Christian Eucharist in concrete metaphysical terms.” The God element and the bread element co-exist simultaneously until it's time for the God guy to pop out with his usual "Surprise!" One can almost imagine( if one were moi that is )the God sitting there in a coat of dough and reading the racing news whilst waiting for the priest to do his stuff.
SHADOWS HOLD THEIR BREATH
( for de Da )

I watch the world
ripple

on his arm
ink sunk into his skin

the U.N. tattoo
flexing to each exertion

crisp curls of wood
releasing their scent

pine flooding
the moment

that will forever be
1963

a ray of sunshine
opening a trapdoor

into the summer
air

a dimension or two
away

dust motes dancing
like overweight atoms

sawdust balancing
like pollen on his hair

as he sings
to the naked wood

"I think that I will
never see

a poem as lovely as
a tree..."

Of such a moment is
love made

the plane whispering
its secrets to the wood

the spirit level
winking its bubble.

*

The title is taken from Emily Dickinson's THERE IS A CERTAIN SLANT OF LIGHT wherein shadows do indeed hold their breath!


There's a certain Slant of light

By Emily Dickinson

There's a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons –
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes –

Heavenly Hurt, it gives us –
We can find no scar,
But internal difference –
Where the Meanings, are –

None may teach it – Any –
'Tis the seal Despair –
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the Air –

When it comes, the Landscape listens –
Shadows – hold their breath –
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death –
Years after this incident he called me to hold something he was sawing and I was busy discovering Emily and was reading this poem when he called. I loved the tools of the trade but was no good at what he was so good at. My other brother Brian was brilliant at it and was indeed his father's son. All I had was my love of words and I am still trying to be good at that. I used to play with his tools and turn them into...transform them into....Star Trek thingys!

UNCLOAKING THE IMAGINATION

my father's Jack Plane
a Romulan Warbird
his spirit level my Enterprise
This is No. 31 O'Higgins Rd., the scene of my childhood. It is now just a boarded up wreck.

And now just a nothing...an empty space that I walk through in disbelief.

Me and my three big sisters.. I'm still the aggressive curly haired ****** who looks like he might give ya a Glasgow kiss just for looking at him. I was still a long haired liver from Loverpool...me Mam refused to let anyone cut a hair on me head. One day Dad kidnapped me and give me my first haircut. "Don't tell yer mother!" he warned but somehow she copped on. She locked herself in her bedroom and wouldn't speak to him for a week.



"IS IT YER SELF THAT'S IN IT?"
( For good auld Bud )

'Howya? '
said the stone

(in a thick Irish accent)

'How's it goin'? '
said another stone
to the left of the other one.

'So, you decided to
come home? '
sneered a passing breeze.

'Ah...leave him be! '
shushed a familiar tree

& an auld sod agreed:
'Let bygones be bygones! '

There I was
thinking in French

& gesticulating
in Italian.

'Are ya...sure...
...it's himself? '

enquired a changing cloud.

'Sure...I'd know him
anywhere! '
spoke up the road
that led in(& out) of here.

'Ah, Jaysus...
...he's cryin''

sniffled an old
gone-to-seed house

& then, it started
crying itself.

This place grew me! '
sobbed my tears

& now
(somehow)

either it or I
had changed.

Only the ghosts of ghosts
remained.

**


Going back to Ireland is often referred to as going 'back to the auld sod' and so it is that I have the landscape of my childhood question me as I remain silent in the face of fixed places such as houses melt into literally thin air and I walk through what is there but isn't there anymore. I am my own living ghost.

The Irish greeting of 'Is it yourself that's in it? ' always amused me as if the greeter was making sure that your corpereal shape hadn't indeed been taken over by the Devil and that you were now a man possessed! If the answer was 'Sure...aren't ya seeing me with your own two eyes ya ejeet or is it blind ya are or what! ' then that indeed was you. If a deep dark voice that smelt of sulphur boomed 'I am the Lord of the Underworld earthling and you will rot in Hell if you don't buy me a pint! ' then it was more likely the Devil himself or somebody with a wicked sense of of humour. Anyway and anyhow the Devil you know was always better than the Devil ya didn't know. Better to err on the side of caution rather than be having a hell of a time in the place down below.
Sep 13 · 112
LOVE REMEMBERED
LOVE REMEMBERED


all that remains
her cigarette smoke
crawling lazily to the ceiling

her footsteps
echoing down the hall
the angry slam of a red door

from the pavement floats up
the clickity-clack of red stilettos
the Morse Code for loss

a Focus LP
caught on a scratch
caught on a scratch

the same pale pink
lipstick kiss
on cigarette and champagne glass

rain falling now
in the open window
wetting the still sleeping cat

a church bell
scatters crows
a drunk staggers down the road

the end never appears
to be the end and then
it just is

I stumble against the record player
Focus get back into the groove
"...'round goes the gossip...'.round goes the gossip..."
Sep 11 · 134
THE OPENING OF THE HAIR
THE OPENING OF THE HAIR





my crying
short cropped little girl
all slobber, snuffles and snot




hair cut off
because of a school lice infection
sobs her heart out




"I can't open my hair
I want to open
my hair like Mummy!"




Mummy trots in
with her high ponytail
let's lose her flowing locks    




tresses cascading
over shoulders with
an almost audible splash



a red river runs
down her back
the effect is  wondrous



as if the hair sang
its heart out a madrigal
a little ordinary miracle




mummy takes her
dressmaker's scissors
cuts jaggedly her magic hair



as if breaking a spell
a crescendo
of clips and snips




a red river
weeps
at her feet





Tilly gasps
in awed
astonishment




my crying
short-cropped
little girl





my crying short-cropped woman
both so
uncannily alike




now even more so
"Me and you Tilly
me and you




will grow our hair
together
and when we've done






we will open our hair
and let it down
for daddy!"







*

My little girl loved watching her mother let down her hair or put it up.  So did I as it happens...she had a red river of hair that flowed down her back and it was a wonder of our world to see the hair fall so gracefully as if it were an alive thing. A magical creature.




Tilly used to call this action...the opening of the hair as if it was a wonderful ceremony. She came up with it herself and it was only much much later when engaged in Shakespeare studies that I actually found it was an Elizabethan expression.  The other expression I found was a "cup of news!" So here is my cup of news!




When the lice infection struck Tilly had to lose her hair and was distraught. She just sobbed and sobbed to lose her golden curls so that Queen Mummy took drastic action and sayeth; "Off with my hair!"  And so she sacrificed her glorious hair for the sake of her little one. It was like an Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale. When I came home to this solution I also cut off all my hair. And so we were as one. I took a Polaroid of all us baldy one and placed it next to a photo of us in our glorious hairy day.s The family that goes bald together...stays together.  All for one and one for all. Tilly was delighted now with our new fashion statement and glad not to be the only one.




It was quite a while before the "opening of the hair' ceremony could be held once more.
AN RUD A DÚIRT ÉAN BEAG LIOM
( A Little Bird Told Me)

- for David Cooke -

"For a bird of the air shall carry the voice, and that which hath wings shall tell the matter."  - Ecclesiastes 10-20

"Oh!" said the bird
" A human who..."

( and I never saw such
a surprised starling )

"...can understand
our language!"

"You can speak!" I blurted out.
"So, I see can you!" gasped the starling.

"The strange thing is...!"
I framed my words carefully

"...we can understand each other!"
the starling finished my sentence.

"But how..?"
being human I had to ask.

"Forget the hows and whys!"
friend starling replied.

"Just relish the moment
the such and suchness of it all!"

I made up my mind
to do so.

"Everything talks if
you only listen!"

the starling continued
its lesson.

"The mountains talk
to the seas continuously!"

The starling so
informed me.

"But humans never ever
(well hardly ever)listen!"

chirped the starling
playfully.

I see it had been listening
to Gilbert and Sullivan.

"And..." the starling went on
it was us birds who taught them!"

I could tell it was proud of
the whole nation of birds.

"Well, I'ill be...!" I sad.
"Yes..." said the starling "...a poet!"

"Poets know the language
of everything"

The starling stated
as if it were a law.

"What the reed in the rushes
told the lake..."

"Or how the sky sees
and says it all..."

Then its feathers trembled
with the change in the air.

"Well, I must fly!"
chuckled the starling.

"Well, well..." boomed the sky
in perfect Blueness.

"Was that a human
I saw you talking to..."

thundered it vastness
dark clouds looming on its horizon.

"Noooo - not me!"
lied the starling

for whatever
reason.

"Hmmm..!" hmmmm the sky suspiciously
"He looked a bit Irish to me!"

"Níl Gaeilge ar bith agam ar chor ar bith!"
stammered the starling.

And the day continued on
talking to Time incessantly.

*

The éan beag that told me all this against the wishes of the sky...was the drud or druideog...the common starling or as in the W.B. Yeats' poem THE STARE'S NEST.

It liked to quote the lines to me in its own charming voice.

"We are closed in, and the key is turned
On our uncertainty;"

And here was my little stare friend opening my mind out and turning the key.

When caught by the sky telling tales to humans the little fella tries to get out of it by telling the sky "I don't have any Irish at all!" but in Irish. Of course the sky although knowing everything didn't however know any Irish!

I was uncertain of the lines about uncertainty in the Yeats and was trying to remember the Callimachus about people not listening...how a mountain never listens to a sea. And David Cooke when he was staying with us was delighted to find some Greek that he both loved and could indeed read and I thought I betcha David could tell me. But of course not having a David Cooke at hand I stumbled along in these lines and offered up the poem to him.
Sep 8 · 54
CROSSING THE BORDER
CROSSING THE BORDER

I smuggle you

despite your death

across Life's borders

here I hide you
between the in-

breath &
the out-

breath

hidden in
the silence

between note &
note

the space between
word and word

death will never find you
again.
Sep 4 · 373
INVISIBLE BLUE PLAQUES
INVISIBLE BLUE PLAQUES

Someone or other
lived & died here.

Some other someone
wrote their most

famous work
there.

Every so often
a blue plaque informs us

as we journey
through town

(rain falling down)    

of Blah Blah
who blah’d & blah’d here

or was
blah’d there

... who cares?

In my mind
I ***** invisible
blue plaques

to commemorate
us.

Here: we kissed
(did we not?)    
...a mere minute ago.

Here: we turned
& laughed

on the corner of this everyday
road.

Here: we laughed
& hugged

on a pedestrian crossing

(a pedestrian
crossing)    

whistling at our
ardour

a taxi honking
at our armour.

All over London
our invisible
blue plaques

commemorate
us

&
that

we once
passed this way

so deeply
in love.
"HELLO MR. DEATH AND HOW ARE YOU?"



I felt like a fog
in the shape of a man
a dream walking



a shadow
come alive
never more



alive now
I was
dying



this moment
the most precious thing
I had ever owned



unable
to believe
I was leaving



the sunlight of this
morning behind
me forever






time lay scattered
on the ground
my reflection trapped




in broken bits of mirror
strange that I
would never be




me
ever
again




a cuckoo
( the clock )
not( the bird )



had the last word
I had to
smile...




*



Felt good to cheat my own heart attack..you kinda attack it back with nothing but words and the need to capture it and make it talk.But it's impossible to grasp and poem after poem tries to hold it only for to flow like water between your fingers....like trying to grab hold of a piece of sky and wrestle it to the ground.
Alas my little brother didn't manage to cheat his and the words keep trying to explain this unexplainable fact to my self. I look at the typewriter and it looks back at me...both of us at a loss for words.



"Бог правду видит, да не скоро скажет", as they say in Russian.
Spring had arrived in that Dublin morning...just snuk in when we weren't looking. We were having breakfast and after we would cycle to Eccles Street to see a real house that was lived in by a fictional character. The house was a mere ruin and would soon be knocked down to make way for a new hospital wing.



Time, as it happens, stops when one is dying or rather that particular moment lengthens forever and a second is a century. Mr. L. Bloom's house was in my mind and my hat would later blow off into its basement and I would be as one with the man himself as I lowered myself down to retrieve it...thus entering a chapter in Ulysses. And the fiction was made real.



I had just read Huxley's TIME MUST HAVE A STOP and afterwards thought how ha ha...apt!


I had also come across a 1664 phrase about  buds that "explain into leaves"  which I thought delightful.


I had also came upon a battered copy of Bacon's SYLVA SYLVARUM (  A natural history, in ten centuries. Whereunto is newly added the History natural and experimental of life and death, or of the prolongation of life) which alas would go inexplicably missing and which I would never read to this day.
These are the things that were running through my head when I was going to be dead but...just as suddenly wasn't.


Oh and Tolstoy's GOD SEES THE TRUTH BUT WAITS was ratting about in my mind somewhere so it was going to be a very literary( literally )death!


Each Spring I go back and revisit my death( that wasn't )feeling glad to be just....alive and...in the moment.
SCHRöDINGER'S SOCKS & THE REVENGE OF THE CAT

Schrödinger's cat
failed to see just what

all the fuss was
about?

It was all such
a reductive absurdum.

The cat couldn't understand
collapsing wave functions

decoherence
entanglement or whether

reality was really
quantum

to save its life.

It was aware of
one thing & one thing

only
. . .the diabolic device. . .

Cat in a metal box
with a Geiger counter

with a radioactive substance
blah blah de ****** blah

an atom decaying or something or
other &

releasing a hammer to smash
a phial of hydrocyanic acid.

Wot!

"I do not like thee Dr. Fell!"
thought the cat.

It was a very literary cat.

So all this palaver
about a cat( me? how! )

being both dead or alive or
neither dead or alive or

. . .wot!

So this is to be my great
to-be-or-not-to-be!

Welllll excuse me!
Say...doesn't the cat have his say?

So, I( clever cat that I am)
merely claw my way to the top &

disengage the device
by taking out the hammer.

So no cat was harmed
in the making of this

thought experiment.

It almost drove Schrödinger
out of his tiny little mind!

And he( hee hee )
never did discover

what ever
happened to his socks.

I forever stealing
one sock from a pair

from the open
washing machine.

Leaving him to ponder
just where socks go?

The other side of the Universe?
Oh come on Erwin...it's not

rocket science!

Now, to get back to
describing the behaviour of

a quantum entity.

"Mmmmm......mmmmmm?"

"Naw....I still don't get it!"

"Say ya couldn't see yer way
to giving me a scratch...could ya?"

"Up a bit....upabit....yeah...yeah
. . .there...just...there!"
Sep 2 · 123
THE PAST PERSISTS
THE PAST PERSISTS

Dizzy with love
we fall out of the sky

and now the ground
cradling us in its palm

the giddy fun fair
exploding all about us

kisses sticky
as candy floss

we dive into mirrors
changing shape changing shape

our hearts
a helter skelter

strange to have
a body again

even if only
in imagination

us old ghosts
haunting the memories of us

that refuses
to go away

this moment
the Mount Rushmore

of that summer
we were

alive so
alive &

the car crash had yet
. . .to happen.

*

My friend and his wife spent a day at a funfair and went on all the rides...they laughed all the way from swing boats to ghost trains. The day was as sweet and sticky as candy floss. On the way home they crashed and although he barely survived...his wife was killed instantly. He was very guilty for having survived and blamed himself and conflated both events in his mind and his mind kept coming back and going over the events in minute detail. Past and Present were collapsed into the one time of No-time and he was like a living ghost coming back and haunting himself.
He died alas....from his injuries but as I sat with him he kept conflating the events from the fair and the happening of the crash together so that everything happened at the one and the same time.
That's why I thought of them as ghosts revisiting their last moments.
Like the two personages in...Eyes Do More Than See by Isaac Asimov.
CHOCOLATE AND REMEMBRANCE

I killed men
because I wanted to

come back to you
so that I could be

your husband
still..

My enemy too
had someone who

he wanted to
come back to.

I took his life
so that I could go on

with mine.

I had survived
the War

because I wanted to
and because of luck.

Good luck or bad luck
it's hard to tell now.

I see my wife
and see not her

but a woman strewn
like so much *******

in a French village
we slogged through.

She was naked
and had no eyes

where her smile
should be

nothing but
an empty hole.

I go to hold
my little girl

can only see
a girl of three

still burning still
her doll untouched.

An old man
not a man

just a piece of man
a head...a trouser leg.

I killed so that
I could still be me.

But I'm not.

I can never be
me again.

There is an audible line
drawn in the sky

between me
and the me-I-used-to-be.

The war rages on
inside me

and all the dead
come up to me

begging for chocolate
and remembrance

chocolate
and vengeance.
Sep 2 · 139
THE LAST ONE TO KNOW
THE LAST ONE TO KNOW

He smiles
in the mirror.

His reflection
does not smile back.

He raises his left hand.
His reflection does not.

He raises his right hand
and scratches his nose.

His reflection does not.

His reflections laughs.

He does not.

"I'm afraid you're dead!
his reflection tells him."

"Only you....
...don't know it yet!"

His reflection steps out of
the mirror

no longer made of glass
free to be whoever he wants to be

instead of being chained
to this human.

The reflection leaves.
Slams the door.

The body on the floor
does not even hear him

. . .go. . .
Sep 1 · 179
MISS PRUFROCK REGRETS
MISS PRUFROCK REGRETS

in the loo
the women come and go
talking of Michael & "Oh...Angelo!"

knickers down around
her ankles
she pees& weeps...weeps&pees

her running mascara
turning her into
a giant panda

she tries to put
her smile back on
the Shady Lady lipstick breaks

her mouth
a jagged ****
making her a scary clown

she locks her self
in her golden compact
it snaps at her fingers as it shuts

"Oh fu..fu...fu..!"
she bites her bottom lip
endeavouring not to( "Feckit!" )swear

the loo door opens
she can hear THE MERE MAIDS
singing...singing

"Come with me my love
to the sea
the sea of love..."

the loo door closes
THE MERE MAIDS fade
"oh oh oh...oh. . . OH!"

her friends come to
powder their noses
***** about her

she stops peeing
in mid-flow
a solitary tear trickles over her nose

their vicious laughter
stabs at her heart
their cruelly coloured chatter

"And her dress that
trails along the floor..."
And this...&...so much more

"And ah ha ha when
she spilled the yogurt over her
shirt...skirt!"

"It looked like someone
had ohhhhhhh
come all over her!"

"I know...I know
I almost wet
myself!"

"How her hair is
growing thin"
a squeal of high pitch giggles

"And her arms and legs as well!"
these her friends
putting the knife in

"She's such a bore!"
her best friend chimes in
"Et tu Bunty?"

they leave en masse
the many headed
beast

THE MERE MAIDS
are murdering
Kylie's CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD

I have measured out
my life in facebook friends
do I dare...delete them?

And do I dare...
go back in...greet them
false face to false faces

in the lamplight
her upper lip downed with
light brown hair

I am..yes...I am
that cockroach
scuttling across these toilet tiles

she pulls her knickers up
the elastic snaps
they fall to the floor

she steps out of them
sniffles...sniffs
tries to maintain a stiff upper lip

"Let us go then you & I..."
she tells her reflection
her reflection doesn't budge

"Just...what is it...about me!"
overwhelmed by her own
question

she prepares her face
the mirror
sniggers

she parts her hair behind
puts it up in bunches
smile...scowls

I know...I know...I am
almost at times ridiculous
almost at times...the Fool

she goes back into
the solitary confinement of
the toilet cubicle

smokes her last
crushed cigarette
flushes the **** down the loo

"Toilets is an anagram for T.S. Eliot!"
the scrawled graffiti informs her
she doesn't get it

lapses back into
her native lingo
"J'en ai marre d'en avoir marre!"

the Disco ball
tears the shadows and the souls
out of the dancers

THE MERE MAIDS are singing
'I'M TOO **** FOR MY CAT!"
her ****** friends sway together as one

Mademoiselle Prunella Prufrock
has left
the building

in the loo
the women come & go
talking of Michael & of "Oh...that Angelo!"

*

A friend's story telling me about the first time she had been out after losing a baby and singing THE SEA OF LOVE at a karoke. We both loved Prufrock and so her favourite poem and her favourite song were going to be the world she was put into!
AND THERE WAS ME WITHOUT AN I

Time dawdles
stretches out the crash
to an infinity of now

casually I watch the car
crash into my side
as if it were someone else's story

car runs red light
the crash about to happen
taking...its. . .( time )

I watch my door buckle
as if an invisible monster
wanted to eat its way to me

time...finally(stops):
I fade to black
karate chopped from luggage from the back

I drink up unconsciousness
thirsty for
the oblivion it brings

the world leaves me now
even my thoughts
don't even know me

I am no more
a me
without an I

"You knocked. . ?"
Death asks politely
"No..just...passing through!"

Life swims back to me
from a distant
horizon

"Hey!" shouts Life
"It's me!"
"Do I know you?" I ask  

*

Back in '85 when I was a bookseller and we were returning from a bookfair in Belfast( and where I also saw Nic Roeg introduce his new movie INSIGNIFICANCE ). We stopped at the lights and I glanced casually to my left to see a car jump the lights and head for( in slow slow )motion( me ). I had an eternity to gaze upon my apparent demise. Our folding shelves in the back all shifted forward and my lights went out!
COME VIENE...VIENE!
(WHAT COMES...COMES!)

for Paolo Sandulli

The sun is
preaching her sermon

to the town
of Praiano

that clings to the cliffs
in wonder.

Here in her hand
of light & water

she tells the parables
of pebbles.

One wave waves to another
as she walks upon the water.

Bells undress Time
disrobe her of her hours.

Lemons grow
big-bellied on branches

pregnant
with yellow.

The juice
of the Future

praying in a church
of trees.

Here, a congregation
of butterflies & bees.

Grapes dream of being
turned into wine.

Figs ripen
with pleasure.

The gods of pagan times
survive

disguised as statues.

I only believing
in the religion of

a woman’s
laughter.

And even now
as darkness

grows
upon the rose

it’s as if
the sunlight never leaves

only changes
colour

and the sunlight darkens
only to blossom

into the next morning
in love with Time.

*

This was written for the Italian artist/ceramic sculptor Paolo Sandulli who has a studio in an old Saracen tower overlooking Praiano called Torre a Mare.

His work and his workplace are magical and deliciously fantastic making the mind smile and the soul laugh as he creates a

NUOVE MITOLOGIE MEDITERRANEE

with his love of place and people. Delightful and enthralling.

Check out Paolo's creations at p.sandulli@alice.it

The title in the English version comes from the Italian menu which is the chief's surprise...eh...what comes...comes..ok? The title like Paolo's work amused me so much that it became the poem's name. The dish itself was a pizza with a midrash of everything and anything.

CHE COSA SI FA

Il sole è
la sua predicazione predica

alla città
di Praiano

che si aggrappa alle scogliere
a meraviglia.

Qui in mano
di luce e acqua

racconta le parabole
di ciottoli.

Una ondata onde ad un altro
come lei cammina sulle acque.

Campane spogliarsi Tempo
disrobe della sua ora.

Limoni crescere
grande-addome su filiali

incinta
con il giallo.

Il succo
del Futuro

pregare in una chiesa
di alberi.

Qui, una congregazione
di api e farfalle.

Uvaggio sogno di essere
trasformata in vino.

Fichi maturi
con piacere.

La divinità pagane di volte
sopravvivere

dissimulata come statue.

** solo credere
nella religione di

una donna
risate.

E anche adesso
come il buio

cresce
la rosa

è come se
la luce del sole non lascia

solo le modifiche
colore

e la luce del sole si oscura
solo a fiore

nella mattina successiva
in amore con il tempo.
SLOVO LJUBAVI
(THE WORD OF LOVE)  

Here I am
nailed to this hated bed

with the bright shiny
nails of cancer.

Death smiles
& wants to take me

as his
bride

but I
remain unfaithful
to him

elope with life
(if only for this night)    

spending golden moments
as if there were no

tomorrow.

I fling my laughter
in his big stupid grinning face

as if he thinks
this is all a human is

a something to be
taken.

I hope to sneak out
when he is not looking

or looking the other way

before he discovers me
alive in your heart

(untouchable)    

my memory
safe in your memory

so that to **** me
he will have to **** you too.

So beware my friend
you will become

a marked man

& Death
cheated of my soul

will hunt you
down

and rip me from
your heart

to finish the job.

But I know
you will
hide me

hide me
among your words

little seeds
of me

that will propagate

so that Death
would have to **** the whole world.

I laugh to see
the little seedlings

of me
sprout in other

minds
other voices

see my laughter
blossom

on  a strange
tongue

unknown to me
but known

Death furiously
glaring.
Aug 27 · 134
AND I WAVE BACK
AND I WAVE BACK

Outside the hatch
he turns slowly

and talks

but I can't make out
the words he says

they fall from his lips
dangle and float in space

outside the backyard fence
a hill grabs the moon

and then slowly
lets it go again

the moon floating just
out of reach

laughs; 'Go on...do that again! '
the hill smiles: 'Just you wait... just you wait! '

the moon beams
as a little bird

gingerly(as if at first unsure)
steps out into space

and then
finds flight
take hold of it

as if
it had only discovered it that minute

and absconds with
the darkness

barks

and falls
into silence

and then another part
of the darkness

barks back

held
in a gentleness

a leaf tiptoes
down the breeze

as if descending
a spiral staircase

Time holds
its breath

outside
the hatch

flat on his back
the earth a little blue ball he has let go of

the astronaut

slowly turns
and waves

& I
wave back.
Aug 27 · 142
THE MAKER OF MAPS
THE MAKER OF MAPS

throw the sheet over her
start tracing her contours
"I'm making a life size map of you!"

it has to be a scale of 1:1
the map
creases with laughter

after:  we hang this
map of you upon the wall
"Mapmaking tickles!" she tells me

"Well...time for the real thing!"
I consult the map
set out to explore you

my fingers
those brave mountaineers
scale your left breast

ahhh this view of you
worth the climb
my fingers rest

and so I begin the descent
the map telling me
where to go
AS ONE CENTURY BECOMES ANOTHER

I take the spiral staircase
one steep step at a time
from the 20th to the 21st

century at the top
as the clock chimes
and a star falls

all over town
puddles hold stars prisoners
wear them as jewellery

unable to escape
the ice that holds
them earthbound

the Milky Way
frozen
in a tree

and so time moves on
the music fading away
moment by moment

rowdy revellers
reel in this
the newest of years

like a fish gasping
on a river bank wondering
just what they have caught
"HELLO MR. DEATH AND HOW ARE YOU?"

I felt like a fog
in the shape of a man
a dream walking

a shadow
come alive
never more

alive now
I was
dying

this moment
the most precious thing
I had ever owned

unable
to believe
I was leaving

the sunlight of this
morning behind
me forever

time lay scattered
on the ground
my reflection trapped

in broken bits of mirror
strange that I
would never be

me
ever
again

a cuckoo
( the clock )
not( the bird )

had the last word
I had to
smile...

*

Felt good to cheat my own heart attack..you kinda attack it back with nothing but words and the need to capture it and make it talk.But it's impossible to grasp and poem after poem tries to hold it only for to flow like water between your fingers....like trying to grab hold of a piece of sky and wrestle it to the ground.

Alas my little brother didn't manage to cheat his and the words keep trying to explain this unexplainable fact to my self. I look at the typewriter and it looks back at me...both of us at a loss for words.

"Бог правду видит, да не скоро скажет", as they say in Russian.

Spring had arrived in that Dublin morning...just snuk in when we weren't looking. We were having breakfast and after we would cycle to Eccles Street to see a real house that was lived in by a fictional character. The house was a mere ruin and would soon be knocked down to make way for a new hospital wing.
Time, as it happens, stops when one is dying or rather that particular moment lengthens forever and a second is a century. Mr. L. Bloom's house was in my mind and my hat would later blow off into its basement and I would be as one with the man himself as I lowered myself down to retrieve it...thus entering a chapter in Ulysses. And the fiction was made real.

I had just read Huxley's TIME MUST HAVE A STOP and afterwards thought how ha ha...apt!

I had also come across a 1664 phrase about buds that "explain into leaves" which I thought delightful.

I had also came upon a battered copy of Bacon's SYLVA SYLVARUM ( A natural history, in ten centuries. Whereunto is newly added the History natural and experimental of life and death, or of the prolongation of life) which alas would go inexplicably missing and which I would never read to this day.

These are the things that were running through my head when I was going to be dead but...just as suddenly wasn't.

Oh and Tolstoy's GOD SEES THE TRUTH BUT WAITS was ratting about in my mind somewhere so it was going to be a very literary( literally )death!

Each Spring I go back and revisit my death( that wasn't )feeling glad to be just....alive and...in the moment
THE FLIGHT OF DARKNESS INTO LIGHT
( for my little brother Brian )

Ahhhh....here you
are again.

You who
are here and yet not

here
a shadow tossed aside

a breeze stalking
the shrubberies

the ghost of leaves
foliage on the move

that then: stops

silence solidified
...or did it?

The flight of darkness
into light

suddenly a paw
tentatively becomes a snout

then the all of you
"Friend fox. . !"

I call to you
mind to mind

you looking
as if you've heard

stare at my silent
voice

both of us amazed
you ever so

red before becoming
a shadow tossed aside

a here not here
the flight of darkness into light

a  breeze
stalking the shrubberies

the ghost of leaves.

*

One of my last conversations with my brother( conversations could be 3 hours on the phone )and he told me of a fox he had seen. He asked me why I had never written a poem for him and would I write his experience for him. I did so and it lay there in my scribbly hieroglyph until I managed to decipher my own writing( this is easier said than done). I was going to read it to him at the next phone call but there never was another phone call. The fox and my brother now merging into one in the here/not here.

My brother said that the next time I came over he would bring me to Glendalough and Newgrange was to planed for a later next time. Little did I know that the next time would be for his funeral.

So I was thinking of going on pilgrimage to here so I could place the spirit of him there. Then my friend said out of the blue and not knowing any of this: "I'm going to bring you to Glendalough!" And he did!

So I was able to place my brother here amongst the silence and the beauty. In the little museum they have there....there was a stuffed fox who looked back into the soul  of me. One of the last things Brian and I spoke of was a fox that came to his window and he asked me to write the poem of that. I had written the poem but he never got to hear it. The poem now exists tied to the picture off this fox.

I felt nearer my brother here than at a lonely graveside.
Aug 20 · 132
DROWN IN MY OWN TEARS
DROWN IN MY OWN TEARS

I walk with
my mother.

I hold her hand
tightly as

she is dead
and might fly away

with the leaves
that scatter before us.

She sees again
with my eyes.

The world
delights her.

I listen to Ray Charles
with her

as I did
when a child

and we both sing
DROWN IN MY OWN TEARS

as she ironed and
ironed.

I lend her my ears
and she laughs

at the Shakespearean usage

Calls me her( as always)
"little nuisance!"

When she died
she moved in with me

borrows my senses
occasionally.

Always she
uses my laughter>

"Death..."
she smirks
"...He don't scare me!"

She sits inside
my head

as I iron
and iron.

"You want the Ray again
Mam?"

"A huh!"

"I think I'll
drown in my own tears!"
Aug 20 · 126
THEM BLOODY DAFFODILS!
THEM ****** DAFFODILS!

"Ah...howya!"
said the ink blot

throwing itself
all over my copy book.

"Jaysus...wait 'til yer teacher
sees this!"

it chortled
proud as punch with itself.

I stare at it
in an almost total disbelief.

My bladder clamours
to be relieved.

I...squeeze
my knees together.

King Blot bloated with
its own self importance

has totally obliterated
the last word I have penned.

"I wandered lonely as a
. . .!"

Teacher snaps it up
with great glee

holding it between
thumb & forefinger

with mock disgust
& real contempt.

"So, Dempsey...ya
wandered lonely as...

. . .an ink blot!"

The class sniggers
( glad it's me - not them ).

He glowers them
into silence.

"Yes...yes...Sir!"
I whimper &

suddenly seeing a loop hole
( I dive )into it.

"It's...it's...show
not tell. . .Sir!"

His glasses flash
smile becomes sneer.

"COME...HERE...BOY!"
he enunciates clearly

each syllable
chiseled into an awed silence.

The cane cuts through the air.
The class winces.

The tips of my fingers
scream in agony.

I dance a hornpipe
of pain

palms tucked
under my oxters.

"Them ****** daffodils!"
I groan

moaning through
my growing tears.
Aug 20 · 144
AS GAEILGE ( In Irish )
AS GAEILGE
( In Irish )

Dún do shúile
(Close your eyes)                

Codail go lá...mo ghrá séimh.
(Sleep until day...my gentle love) .

Codail go sámh go sámh.
(Sleep peacefully...peacefully) .

Éirdeoidh an ghealach seo...
...is rachaidh an ghrian seo faoi

(This moon will rise...
...this sun will set)                

aire 'gus grá
i gconaí
(care and love always)                

gach oíche 's gach lá
gach lá 's gach oíche.
(every night every day
every day ever night) .

Mo phlúirín!
Mo stóirín!
Mo mhuirnín!
(My little flower!
My little treasure!
My little darling!)                

Ach anois...
(But now...)                

codail go sámh go séimh
(sleep peacefully...gently)                

go fáinne an lae
(until the break of day)                

le mise
ar do taobh.
(with me
by your side) .

Losing our baby
late into the night

holding this    little thing
that only attempted to be human

unable to let go

I clasped the foetus
tightly in my hand

& buried it in the dawn
of our local park

under a recently planted
red rose bush.

In my grief
flower & baby
became one

and night after night I climbed
over high railings & even higher stars

to talk to her in the dark      in Irish.

Or sing: My Love is like a Red Red Rose.

Or cry...or...cry.

Almost got arrested one night
by an Irish cop
drawn to the sound
of Irish emerging from darkness.

Guess he let me go because -  it wouldn’t look good
on a charge sheet:

“The defendant was talking
& crying to...a flower.”

- in Irish.

Eist...eist
(listen...listen)      

duinne eagin ag caoineadh
(someone is crying)      

in a dorchasan
(in his darkness) .

Fill...fill...a run o!

Fill a run o is  na imigh uaim.

Fill orm a chuisle a stor

agus chifeadh tu an gloire... ma fhillean tu!
Aug 20 · 145
THE EMPEROR OF NOW
THE EMPEROR OF NOW

robin in church
hopping from pew
to pew

a miracle
made real
its sheer joy of being

I hum Haydn
to its every step
Menuetto: Allegro

my little emperor
dances on the altar
it has become the music

it gazes at itself
reflected in the gold
of the tabernacle

a host of sunbeams
chase each other
little fishes of light

now robin
balances on the head
of the Christ

this the secret
prayer
of the moment

leaving me
bereft when
it finds the open door

*

Haydn's Quartet No. 62 in C Major, Hob. 111:77( Op.76 No.3) - the 'Emperor.'  It's Menuetto: Allegro was the musical equivalent of its happy hopping through the sunny church....as if it was the manifestation of Haydn's notes. It was a little epiphany...a kindness given to me...this robin was my only religion.

When they were in Rome, Severn used to rent a piano and play Haydn for the dying Keats in the next room and Keats was delighted with it and said:  "This Haydn is like a child for you never know what he will do next."

It was also accidentally the soundtrack to my daughter's first tentative tottering steps...as if the music was holding up her tiny frame and propelled her along.
THE BACKWARD LOOK
( for D.B. )


the blackbird
leaves me a note
pinned to the sky


that blue
beyond
blue


the tide
of the moment
turning turning


Time
like apple blossom
falling through my mind


the little boy
unable to believe
that this day is not


made of forever
and only
now


I walk back
through my self
to unpin the note


the blackbird wrote
with his voice
still pinned


to that
self same
sky


the blue so still
beyond
even its self


I, at last, able to read
the birds words
its language a secret


no longer to me
"I  sing..."  it says  "...I sing
because all this must die!"


"I sing the moment's tide
its turning
always turning!"


It's throat
full of song
glorying in being


alive for this
one eternal
moment








A moment ago he had been singing( as he had been singing for me all these years ):

"In the event
that this fantastic voyage
Should turn to erosion
and we never get old
Remember it's true, dignity is valuable
But our lives are valuable too"

I was also reading this 4 line fragment from the 9th century :

"There is one
I would wish to see again,
And give the golden world to win -
All, all, though all were vain."

"Fil duine
Frismbad buide lemm díuterc
Ara tabrainn in mbith mbuide
Uile, uile, cid díupert."

And so I wrote him this little poem....THE BACKWARD LOOK.
Aug 18 · 132
CHOCOLATE EXPLANATIONS
CHOCOLATE EXPLANATIONS

“Right...! ”
I try to explain it
with chocolates
that she(girlishly)
keeps trying to eat.

I pick a luscious
dark chocolate seahorse
And I say “Now this is...”
(and she finishes my sentence for me)

“...your hippocampus! ”
She squeals... delighted with herself.
“That’s correct! ”
I praise her
“...it’s shaped like this seahorse! ”

“And it controls
your memories of you
your “who you are”

your “how your self assembles
its sense of self
...with all its past and future mysteries! ”

“Yes...yes...that’s it!
She claps her hands
thrilled to bits

by the familiar telling
the reassurance of sounds.
And this twisted twirl of almond
with a real almond in the centre of it
“... is your amygdala! ”
She blurts out before me.
“You got it”
I smile.

“Everyone’s got one!
a seahorse & an almond
one on each side of our brain.”

“Now the almond tells you how
to respond to the things
that you’ve assembled
into a sense of self

...with the proper emotion
...the right feeling.
...whether you just like
or love it”

“Oh, I love it...I love it! ”
She almost sings.
“Now, explain it to me again! ”
I give her the finished explanations
and she eats them

with much exaggerated
mmmmming & ohhhhhing.
“I love your explanations
about what’s wrong with my thingy”
She knocks upon her head
like it was a door
to a self that she had
locked herself outside of.

Most times
she doesn’t even know
her name
or who
or what
she is.
But she loves this story of
HIPPOCAMPUS AND ITS FAITHFUL AMYGDALA

She loves
each sound
each word
each letter
each pause
of the chocolate
explanation.
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