I heard that if you do something everyday,
You'll become good at it.
Therefore, I could play my guitar once a day
Or I could paint trees at 3am during a month
And later become really good at it.
So I'll write something here everyday,
Until, someday, this notebook (and my mind)
Will be filled with beautiful things
Instead of messy thoughts
(although, sometimes, those can be beautiful too).

I want to know myself.
I touch every inch of my body
I touch every inch of my soul
All the dusty places that were once forgotten
There are some open wounds
They hurt, so I try not to press them
But sometimes I can't help it

Feelings I don't know or understand
Thoughts I'd rather forget

I am made of those little things
I am what I feel
I am what I don't know
I am what I can't understand

this has gone too far
why do I keep checking if you're still breathing?

Dead... - they said

I held your hand
it was so cold
your eyes were now blank - empty
is your heart still pumping?
the tears roll down across my face

Dead. - I said to myself

When you look at me
Do you still see the person you adored?

Do you still see the person who adored you no matter what?

The person with whom you talked hours and hours until sunrise?

The person who tried to help you?


So if you do...
Please don't leave

PLEASE

I DIDN'T LEAVE

**I   AM     H E R E

you’re like a disease
deep down in my throat, you keep me from skeaping
deep inside my chest, you keep me from breathing
you’re in my lungs
you’re in my veins
you make my bones ache
you make me feel weak and sick

and,
there is no way I can deny it,


I’m dying

When I die,
She won't cry

Because for her,
Life is just a big word
She can't pronounce
Although,
They're just four letters
(2 consonants 2 vowels)
Together
A little word
Capable of
Making my bones ache

Because for her,
Life ain't a pain in the back
It ain't something
She's tired of

Infortunetly,
For me,
It is.

So when I'm gone,
Don't stay by my side
Waiting for me
To wake up

*******
i hate all of you
you're so happy without me
i can see it

when i'm gone don't ******* say you miss me
because all of you ******* hated me
and honestly
so did i

i wanna kiss your lips
even if your breath smells like cigarettes
and bad words

this song reminds me of you

i should listen to it while i can

while it isn't only sad voices
repeatedly whispering your name
into my ears

Ele não gosta de sorrir, mesmo quando está ligeiramente divertido.
Ah como eu gostaria de lhe arrancar um sorriso e fazê-lo sentir como se de facto pertencesse a este lugar.

i took (too) many pills
because of my headache

but soon,
i discovered that

my headache
was actually
your name


being constantly repeated
in my head

by voices of the girls you kissed



who weren’t me

stop running away
i can't catch you if you run that fast

wait

are you running away from me?

i'm sorry
i'm so sorry

if i was too boring
and
if i was too needy



now please come back


you know i can't do this without you

i really can't

even if i want to

"please not her
she's so much better than me



don’t you be in love with that girl
please please don’t

anyone but her"

i said

but,
to be honest,

i think i've said that about all the other girls

i sleep with a bomb under my bed

cut the blue wire
cut the red

(tick tock)

i can't live with this bomb anymore

i'm so hurt
i'm so sore


i cut my red veins
i cut the blue


it was going to end like this

i always knew

i hope you're okay


because
i haven't seen you in a couple of days


but i can feel you in my stomach

i can feel you inside my veins


my bones are shaking so violently

i'm afraid they will break

i rip the peels from my lips until i'm bleeding
i bite my tongue until i pierce it with my teeth
i crack my bones until they're broken


i scratch your back until there's pieces of your skin under my nails

i'm so scared and sad and sick
and i just want you


that's all

i took too many pills

i just wanted to sleep in peace
without all these ghosts in my head

if you go
please take me with you




and if i get afraid
hold my hand
and say we're okay

because
the ghosts can't hurt us
if we can't see them

get off my shoulders
i can't carry you anymore

i can hear the ghosts
playing in my room at night


they laugh
they are trying to scare me

don't go



please
please don't leave a hole in my stomach again

you're a shark






you are color blind
you perceive my movements
you make me bleed


but i'm not afraid


not anymore

will i ever be with you
i think to myself

i know the answer though
but still i whisper

i would travel the world
just so i could look at your eyes

i want to say

hey i'm here
talk to me
i'm here
don't ignore me
i need you now


but i'm just so scared you won't know who i am

you are the reason i smile
you are the reason i cry
you are the reason i laugh
you are the reason i get mad

you are the only reason i feel something

let me hold you
stay here forever
hold my bones together

don't you die on me
i won't forgive you

trees
they're embalmed life
i bet they'd cry if they could



i wonder
if my cat would commit suicide
if he could

sometimes i dream about you

those are the times that i wish
i could sleep forever

Do you really like me
Do you really like to hear me talk
Do you really like the way I say I love you

I loved him
I really did


But,
Now,
It feels like there's no space for me
Anymore.
I'm the one who got lost,
The one who was left behind.

I used to feel sick
When I thought about him
Or when I talked to him.
But,
Now,
I feel sick all the time,
Because I find myself
Not thinking about him.

But,
Deep down,
I still think about him
I still imagine his face
I still want him next to me

I still love him (I have to love him, I want to, I need to)

But,
Now,

There is no space for me

There is no space for *him

The Stop's and the Start's

Stop complaining.
Stop wanting attention.
Stop regretting.
Stop thinking about him.
Stop wanting to be perfect.
Stop saying that you're going to do it and just do it.
(...)
Start working harder.
Start wondering.
Start doing something new.

The Do not's and the Do's

Do not show your feelings.
Do not cry.
Do not eat.
Do not buy things you don't really need.
Do not give up.
Do not be ridiculous.
(...)
Do apologize when you hurted someone.
Do your best.
Do what you want.
Do feel loved (because you are).

The You are's and the Be's

You are beautiful in your own unique way.
You are fine with your weight.
You are talented.
You are nice.
You are interesting.
You are funny.
You are contradictory.
(...)
Be more mysterious and reserved.
Be optimist.
Be neutral.
Be rude if you want to.
Be kind if you're in the mood.
Be fearless.
Be ruthless.

I'm drowning
In my thoughts
In my feelings
In my uncertainties
In my tears
In myself

I'm drowning
In the doubts

I'm drowning
In the vastness


Why do I keep drowning myself?

E quando o mundo morre para nós,
Nós desejamos morrer para o mundo.

(...) It's in the insanity of darkness that I become sane.

I feel like I'm not enough because you are so much.

-Tudo isto é para mim?
-Sim, tudo.
    As flores...
      As árvores...
        Os oceanos...
          Os sorrisos...
            *Eu.

True friendship
Reading a good book
Watching the stars
Hugs and kisses
Warm and large clothes
Music
Crazy people
Cold seasons
Sunsets
When someone loves you back
Making someone smile
Food
Screaming
French movies
Sleeping in
Surprises
Running
Feeling loved

I stopped in front of the mirror
And I looked at myself.
I put mascara on my eyelashes
And they grew long and dark.
I covered my face with base
And all imperfections were hidden.
I put lipstick on my lips
And then I ****** them gently.
I put the brush in the colored powder
And I passed it on my cheeks.

I was perfect

But such perfection deserved to last forever
So I decided to take twelve pills:
One baby blue
One green
One happy yellow
One purple
One orange
One ****** red
One soft lilac
One golden
One gray
One pale pink
One brown
And one white that dissolved softly into my mouth.

I had the perfection and the eternity in bottles

I blew
The heart shaped balloon

I filled it with
Every breath
I could take

I blew
Until I was empty,
My lungs hurted
And my lips were bruised

I tied a knot
So my air
Couldn't escape
From the heart
And that way
Keep our love alive

So,
I blew
I blew
I blew
And I took my last breath
For you

Ele finge que não se importa
Ele finge que está tudo bem
Ele finge que não sente
Ele finge que não sabe
Ele finge que esquece
Ele finge que dorme
Ele finge que não vê
Ele finge que vive
Ele finge que ri
Porém,
Ele apenas
**Finge

THIS IS NOT A POEM* ABOUT:
Love, pain, life, death, nature or feelings.

THIS IS NOT A POEM WITH:
Kick **** quotations, complex thoughts, cute phrases or difficult words.

THIS IS NOT A POEM THAT WILL MAKE YOU:
Cry, laugh, feel less miserable or think at night.

THIS IS NOT A POEM THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

THIS IS NOT A POEM INSPIRED IN SOMETHING IN PARTICULAR.

THIS IS NOT A POEM BEAUTIFUL AS A FLOWER, REBEL AS THE SEA, HAPPY AS A RAINBOW OR MELANCHOLIC AS THE GREY SKY.

THIS IS NOT A POEM THAT USES THE KIND OF COMPARISONS THAT YOU HAVE READ ABOVE.

AND IF YOU ARE STILL READING IT,
**THIS IS NOT A POEM.