“i’ve got the one on the right­—
you can have the one on the left.”
of course the one on the left is the size of two of me
when a wing man’s duty calls, one must oblige

“you’re cute” she tells me
“you gross me out” i say to myself
however, she is nice
and had what could be a pretty face
so we drank beers and smoked cigarettes out on the balcony
i do not remember what we talked about
she works with kids I think, but to be honest
i didn’t care

i wonder where my friend is
he better be getting some or at the very least,
making conversation
i don’t just go around jumping on grenades for
***** and giggles

finally, it is time to go
i ask the girl for her number, because i knew it would make her happy
“you better text me” she says
“of course i will”

i won’t

my friend surfaces­
unsuccessfully
i give him ****

he gives me the purple heart

has anyone
died on me
my relatives are all alive
i have always said
life is short
live it to the fullest
because **** happens

I knew
the day was bound to come

however
i never anticipated when
besides

eventually


it felt exactly how i thought
it would feel

sad
angry

and confusing

is what it is
as people
say
the grass isn’t
greener
on the other side
for even trees
are cut

down

at the corner
of the bar
grinning to myself
people yelling
singing
****** songs from the 90s
as i empty
my wallet
broke and drunk as usual
i sit in my busted
throne
watching
and laughing
at what is
and what is not
around me

is cold when i wake up
in the morning
still hungover
there isn’t a warm spot
or a glass of water
to be found
so i lay there
frozen and beat
listening
to yesterday
laugh at me

is something nice
about smoking late at night
in the darkness of your room
perhaps its the lack of senses
all you can do is
see and feel
the orange cherry
floating like a ghost in front of you
the sensation of smoke
filling up your lungs
my room is always warm at this of the night
most likely from the scotch
i don’t mind though
it gives me an excuse to open the window
and let the cool air chill me
while i smoke
it is interesting how
something as simple as smoking alone
can bring one so much contentment
at such a lonely hour of the night

isn’t something we plan for
it is just sort of
given to us
yes
we have some guidance along the way
but for the most part
it is left up to us to figure it out
we are thrown into this game
of what is
and what isn’t
just to find out
there isn’t that much at all
there is just us
being
living
getting on with ****
it’s almost comical
how something so precious to all of us
in the end
in the big scheme of things
amounts to nothing more
than what we make of it
isn’t that funny