How can We be so distant and close
what is this relationship,
once full of curiosity of lives unknown
now doll stiffness
you judge and push me away
I am invisible
Holograms of my body exist
but you ignore, cut me off
I try to build, try to find, to connect
try try try, but the cloak remains
*******
shared love is brief, forgotten, scoffed
leave you I will
alone
but stuck in a fly trap
I cannot escape
your judgement
leave me, shew me, I don't care
You will be gone
soon.

I don't get it, I just don't get it
Am I false?
Do I hide behind a facade?
What do you see?
What do you think?
Of me, of him, of her?
Nerves of steel I do not have
Suave speech evades me time to time
Doubt, and criticism scare me
But still I try to give myself to you
wholeheartedly, openly, freely, loyally
At times I revert to the mute I once was
What do you not like?
Why do you not see that all I want is to be a friend
Once another is found, you shut me out,
you all shut me out, without cause or reason
Leaving me, avoiding me
Why? What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with loving everyone,
giving everyone a chance,
the benefit of a doubt.
I just don't get it.

Look up look down,
here we are here we now
Look left look right
up high out of sight
down below
no on goes
in sight out of sight
blink blink out of mind
real life hits you blind
look back no return
without luck
do not yearn
look forward
face the facts
you're not avoiding it
blindsided view
tell the truth
only way out
look up down left right back forward
reverse repeat
at the end again

Tears overflow
Pressure below threatens to blow
Yet in the eve are they only known
Under cloak of a hopeful fool
I give and give my heart
And yet I don’t receive
What I desire most
But of course it’s me
No one knows my disease of heart and soul
What plagues, my demons,
My existence
Is only me
No one knows
No friend, family, foe, or creature knows my battle
Life exudes from my eyes
But this world bombards with endless grief
A continuous sway between life and death
Haunts me, pushes me,
Paralyzes me, wastes me
‘Til my last breath

I stand sleeping
crushed in the softness of my bed,
dark, bottomless, heavy.
i stand sleeping
My tube lubed
my head pounded, active, silent.
I lie sleeping awake, lost nigh and day.
No end no beginning,
I stand dreaming.
Excuses are worth living
Without them what would we live for?
Sighs and gasps of air
show how scared of life we can be
both as love and enemy
Dog tired, what the **** does that mean?
licked lapped loved into sickness
Why do I do this?
I stand sleeping, dreaming, silent, motionless, scared.
The roar, clanking, rhythm of metal
cold, remorseless,
bombards my haze
awakens me, oxidizes me,
A reaction unstoppable
til balance reached
and night and day become one.
one life, one soul, one mind.
Silence of a life unsound.
I stand.

wake wake wake in twilight
warm in sheets
contrasting skies
wet clicks and broken backs
sounds of fighting to get by
work for those of the street
pick pick pick
that's all they seek
value thrown away
and treasure found
why this state of life,
why this lovely town?
cents worthless to individuals
common sense lost in time
found only in corners of the eye
Value comes and goes
but what of people?
live live live