God, if You are there
answer me, I beg You.
Why me?
I am drowning in feelings,
a storm of dark emotions,
they churn in my chest,
make me sick.

I can't even close my eyes,
night is a cruel witness.
Food lies still, untouched,
its journey incomplete.
Smiles have become strangers
to my weary face.

When these feelings flood my soul,
There is no one to listen,
no arms to hold me,
no voice to say, “I’m here for you.”
no whisper to promise,
“Everything will be alright.”

Why me?
Why do You leave me alone?
Why must I bear this weight alone
while others find their solace,
their ‘one-hour person’?

I can't.
I'm so tired.
Why am I still here?
What do You want from me?
If you said that I have an unfinished task,
a purpose waiting in the shadows,
tell me now.
I’ll do it right now, I swear
if it means release.

As a fragile being,
forgive me this weakness.
I’m shattered
and so ******* done.

The words hovered on the edge of my tongue,
Yet my thumbs whispered a gentler truth.

My soul reached the same.
The warmth that hung heavy in the air,
A tender brush, soft as whispers on my skin,
A rhythm that our body carved,
A melody only we could hear.

But we both know
This rope between us
May never unwind.
So I buried the truth beneath my breath.
And found that dishonesty bore sweet fruit.
I am saved.
No
We are saved.

Every time I touch the void
Do you feel a tremble, a stir?
Every time I paint it with a whisper of color
Do you see a shift within?
If not, at least I've tried.
Perhaps I’m not the one you seek.

Tell me! Tell me, why?
It’s a flea, always jumping
Here and there
Never resting, never staying.
Hard to catch and even harder to hold.
Searching for what it needs-blood
Before moving on.

For a moment, it lands on me,
And I feel a strange happiness
When I know it shouldn’t.
But when it’s gone,
Leave me adrift, seeking it,
Though it tears me apart inside.
And I keep wondering.
Why am I only a name
Among so many others?
Why does its fleeting presence,
Feel like warmth?
Still linger on my skin?
Why?

We’re tangled in contradictions.
Yesterday, we talked about a farewell,
About everything we might want in the future, each for ourselves.
Shared stories like we used to, as if there were no tomorrow.
Laughed together for the sake of our egos.
Stared, touched, and sent love, knowing it was the last time.

Now, the messages keep coming, unbroken,
And you’ve become my favorite notification I wait for.
We share everything we did today or yesterday,
Updates as usual, to keep the conversation alive.
We read each other’s poem(s),
Savoring and appreciating them,
As if we can’t let go,
As if the feeling is still there, so strong,
As if we’ve found our perfect place in each other’s arms,
And as if this is what we truly need in the end.

We’re still here, sharing the same space, though wearing different masks.
In this space, tangled between us,
I find comfort.

My eyes caught a lover on instagram.
Sweet, I said.
Holding each other’s hands,
Laughing to unfunny jokes,
Taking lots of romantic picture to keep,
Beautiful
As we used to be.

I pray to God,
So he makes her happily ever after,
So he understands how fragile her heart is,
So he doesn’t leave her alone at their own home,
Oh God, I hope she gets everything I don’t.

You held my hand with both of your hands,
as if you were telling me to trust every process we’ve been through.
You hugged me tight,
as if you were asking me to stay.
If the world asks for it, then I would nod as an answer.
With a smile on my face.

But, I know.
Our hands touched gently,
as a reminder that this is all over.
The hug we shared,
as a reminder that this is (maybe) our last goodbye.
The world asks for it.
It is what it is.

We made a deal, the world hasn’t ended yet.
Then I'll be happy about it.