djr - Hello Poetry

djr Jun 2012

Romance Novelties and Dime-Store Television: Part II

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“–ll now and you can win a Dream vacation, with the Artist himself! For those of you just tuning in, this is yet another hit by Grammy-nominated singer/songwriter Sam Cole, on MTVChristmas. Here’s The Slime of the Ancient Caroler”

♫ I am an iamb man, I am
and so it’s come to haunt
such will be the meter for
My Christmastime account

I do beg you not give haste
I know you’re on your way
But I’ll be quick, as not to waste
a minute of your day

the party, it can wait young sir
as all good things will do
my warning comes for times of myrrh
and a frankincent or two

Sit back or stand, relax your hands
now dawning is the time
when you must beware, of songs in air
of Ancient Car’lers slime

It all starts at first December
When she haunts the streets at night
Watching dying embers
Release their doom-ed light

That’s when she comes, dear little ones
bearing candles of her own
she brings the light, to cull your fright
from darkness cold as stone

sometimes her many fiends come with
to throw you off your guard
and though you’ll think “not dangerous”
that’s when the music starts

And O the ringing, singing bells
will melt into your soul
and heat the morning frost untill
your soul again is whole

but just when you release all of
the tensions from your mind
once upon a song of love
the devil hid behind

the devil with his might did peek
to celebrate your loss
that’s when you’ll see a beak, and he
the winged albatross

oh curs-ed you, ye albatross
hadst not thou’st had thy will?
This is time to wear the cross
why do you haunt me still?

Go now, children, beware the slime
be merry and be well
earmuffs now, avoid the rime
and singing Christabells ♫

“Whoa… that’s a hit that’s sure to be around for decades. You can pick up this single at any–”

[Click]

djr Jun 2012

Romance Novelties and Dime-Store Television: Part I

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…
"Welcome back to Story Hour on PBS. Today we have a very special guest, who’s going to read us a very special story. Do you kids know anything about Greek Mythology? No? Well, you’re gonna learn some today. Everyone… say “Hello” to Bill."
“Hiiii Billlll”
“Now, children… he can’t hear you…”
“HIIII BILLL–”

Hear the voice of the Bard!
Who Present, Past, & Future sees;
I am the Dean
of Cosmic Beans
That grow to poetrees

Then every man will ever clime
to he that sits upon
atop this rhyme
this mythic vine
Dwells the giant Albion

The giant of the sees,
his jealousea and fierce
bid him to seize
an Odyssey
assisted by a Circe

Circe, in play, did then, inturn
the shipsmen of his Highness
and with a Feast
did tern to beasts
not one of them a tygress

As Circe distracted with the beasts
Did Albion then turn
He stole the Fleece
from Circe’s niece
and left it to the terns

The terns, in turn, interned at sea
did little to digress
flew fleece of ram
into the hands
of swift and mighty Tigris

From Milton’s tale of sim’lar tree
that of Eve and Adam
With fearful sea
and symmetree
The Tyger ate The Lamb

“The Tiger ate the Lamb?”
(crying)

[Click]

djr Jun 2012

La Battaglia

Well hello, all, I’m your maestro ceremonious
they call me Lokonious, purveyor of the odious
so sit back, relax, and celebrate the… atonalness?

A: Andante con fuoco
We’re goin’ a cappella so let me say first
your style’s ba-roke, now let’s get on with the verse
you’re all up in the scale with a falsetto pitch
hittin’ soprano like a castrato *****!
my mind is sharp, while you’re stuck outta key
my rhythm’s all natural, you can’t find a beat
you need some help ’cause you’re out on your own
find that ****** on a subway, the metro-nome

B: Allegro con brio
throw down the fermata and hold up a minute
your ****’s a cacophony, no way to spin it
and son, i ain’t broke, my style’s all classical
you just can’t register that my words are magical
I spit rhymes in fantasy, can’t you see that you’re beat?
And they thought an allegro was unfit for elegy

A: Moderato col legno
well as for your girl, it may sound corny
the ***** loves my brass ’cause she’s: oh so *****
dispel your illusion, i got one more
your girl’s like a crime show… easy to score

B: Allegretto grazioso
your intellect is minor and your insults are bassless
your composition’s hardly a harmony: graceless
your cymbalism’s trite, and your motif’s unknown
an unfocused opus full of dissonant drones

A: Affrettando agitato
get out my face with your unnatural rap
you spit cold air and your lyrics are flat
you’ve got no harm while my canon’s a gat
so work on your refrain, ‘fore I bust da cap-OOOHHHHH

B: Coda
pull your weak crap, ’cause you’re outta your mode
such imperfect rhymes that we’re calling a cod-a
no time for the fanfare, you’re trying my patience
an end to your requiem, bring out the cadence

So that’s their story, best not get involved
their fight’s an augmented fourth: difficult to resolve

— The End —