and I am still seeking your shadow in the essence of every woman...

Once my ego vanishes,
My desires are quenched by ultimate satisfaction,
Once my memories are forgetten
and sweapt by the withered autumn wind,
Once my ego, lust and memories,
Are gone with the withering wind,
Once that happens, my dear,
I will cease to exist.

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Have you known what lies underneath,
A simple promise, what it may conceal?
You say I adore you,
I say,
I can't live without you.
You say I admire you,
I say,
What happens, when you are gone?
Shall I live, or drown in eternal morn?
You say you are stunning,
I say,
You are breathtaking,
What happens, again when I breathe?
Would I find this pure air,
An absolute freedom, or despair?*

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My doctor offered me a cure,
For my dull ill heart so pure,
He nodded his head,
And grabbed a paper instead,
Which he left next to my bed,
"Don't open it till I am gone,"
He said.

I waited for a moment,
Till I heard the cracking of the door,
He gentley slammed it for sure,
''Why would he do that?"
I said.

I took the paper to unfold,
To read what was untold,
My hands shivered,
My heart stopped,
instead,

It was eloquently folded,
Like the coffin of the dead,
His black ink on white,
His italic messed up writing,
Not a prescript, but a funeral,
Instead.
Between those elegant lines,
He said,

"You, my dear patient,
Are lost in despair,
You are on earth,
With a lofty heart,
Pardon me,
Pardon my knowledge,
There is no cure for that,
You are a poet, cures are futile,
Medicine is useless,
Your desires are uncontrolled,
They are not meant to be,
But they are your drug,
You are addicted to that,
Pleasures are your weakness,
Such a lofty weakness,
But alas,
Such a dreadful terminal illness,
Try a poem a day,
instead.
As there is nothing to heal you with,
in my head.
A poem a day,
Keep me at bay."*

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I met her for a while,
It lasted longer,
Or less than a while,
All I remember,
Just like that,
She came out of the blue,
All I have now,
Is a bitter feeling
For such a meeting,
All I have now,
Is a dead heart,
And lost mind in the blue,
She came,
She made me feel,
She left,
And ended the deal.
A meeting, a feeling,
Then a vivascious desire.
A departure,
An eternal regret,
For a soul I admire.

I have written a rhyme,
Long time ago, and lost it in time,
In dark nights of no sleep,
It was like a feeling burried so deep,
Burning of eloquent desire,
Of all pleasures that I admire,
In a heart so clumsy and dire.
You came with a peculiar charm,
And easily found the lost rhyme,
You reminded me how to feel,
To share what I always conceal,
Your presence is like a kiss,
That blossoms on my lips,
Every time we could speak,
I imagined what could be,
A sin to imagine or acquire,
O those feelings and desire,
Shall I keep deep and conceal?
Shall I wait for you to find,
The way you found that rhyme?

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Has God given me what is needed,
For such a perfection to be noted,
How could I describe the absolute,
With words so humble and suggest less.

Had I lost the words to portray,
To betell her countenance in patience,
Had I lost it for once and for all,
Once I figured language was useless.

Her eyes coloured the beautiful skies,
With an everlasting cerulean existence,
Crushing on the very end of the horizon,
With incessant waves of a wild ocean.

The way she looked at me and smiled,
Turned the gates of lofty heavens open,
I briefly sank in her unconscious mind,
In her crystal thoughts and wonders.

I was driven in her brief flashbacks,
of serene dreams of childish innocence,
It was a different realm of existence,
Where every feeling had a certain sense.

There was something so clear in there,
In that ****** never ending haven,
It reflected myself in a peculiar way,
It was only better, sincerely magnificent,

Her lips never stopped while I sank,
In that purely irrational instance,
I didn't hear her voice, never at all,
Her thoughts were verbally omniscient.

©Copy right protected, 2015.

Woe, my worthless self.
Woe, thy present distress,
Woe, thy miserable fact,
That thou knit in the past.
Woe, thy hunger to accomplish,
Thy enthusiasm to will and be,
Blame thyself of short  efforts,
Of a selfish desire that matters.
Woe, for thou, as a selfish being,
Living a lie, without seeing,
Further than a wish, a dream.
Wishing upon a sun,
that'll never rise,

Or,

Beam.

Whither is light during darkness?
Whither is life after death?
Whither is logic in madness?
Whither is hope in nothingness?
Whither is the beginning after the end?

He, begged her to be,
The mistress of his mind,
The plot to his literature,
And the omnicient of his heart.

She, smiled then exclaimed,

What if you were,
The rhyme to my poetry,
The sound to my music,
And the rythm of my heart?*

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Man up Jack,
Stand there bold and up front,
Knot it, knot it one last knot.
Tie that rope, of an endless shameful hope.
Don't you see Jack?
They fear this obsolescent rope,
Considering it a tragic symbole, yet you do not?
For us, it is a way to cope.
Or shall I say a way to escape?
Allas, reasoning death is barren.
It is getting tight...
Jack... Jack! You are already gone,
Breathless, souless corpse you are thereon.

An old man, at the corner of the street,
Gently, he grabbed a violin, then a seat.
He was so violent and missed the beat.

An old man had it wrong, all the notes,
Covered in old ***** rags, stinky clothes,
Beneath his worn pants, appeared bare toes.

An old man played voilin, amidst the sleet,
Of an excessive bold fraction came a heat,
Of a strong volition to make sense of a beat.

A broken man at the corner of the street,
Without any glance by anyone, or a greet,
lonesome loner life, filled of silent weep.

An old man amidst the crowd and sleet,
With a dreadful face and a noisious glee,
Which echoes in an empty cup for coins.

An old dreaded man with a dreaded seat,
Waiting for a handful, to a mouthful meal,
To survive another day, but never to heal.

A deaf man at the same corner for years,
Playing violin, on a cold dreaded seat,
A man with empty eyes and deaf, ears.

2015©copy right

A stellar atom of dust, soaring through a clumsy vacant space.
A mere emptiness of emptiness that cannot be grokked by any intuition.
A tiny small sort of existence, lost wandering in an ocean of darkness, upon deep hells of fire and lofty heavens of ice.
A stellar dust brought to universe by a mighty might.
A delicate stellar dust brought to live this devine irony, which is called life and death.
A stellar atom thou shalt exist, from dust to dust thou shalt live.
And by any means, thou shalt die.


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Those tender soft lips,
Ah, those heavenly hips.
One'd never tend to miss,
After along time of resist,
He said:

"Girl, I would grab you from the hips,
Those big, cherry lips, I'd widly kiss."

She nodded her head,
And grabbed him by the shirt,
In a ******* scrumptious dissmiss,
She'd whisper and temptingly hiss,

"Boy, Take it easy!"*


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I sat there, alone.
I sat there alone, for hours.
I sat there alone, for long days and nights.
I sat there alone, for months depressed and sour.
My Goldfinch, in a clumsy state of being,
In the same corner, she got sick of seeing, the same walls around her, the same walls around me.

I took a moment in that inspiring hour.
I wondered what made her so sick of a life of a coward.

I wondered what if,
I wondered what if I had her wings,
I wondered what if she had what I had, being free.
I thought of how things would have been,
Of her soaring, wandering in places I've never seen.
I took her to the roof in a rush, opened the cage, and sat her for once free!
She spread her wings, in a joyful spirit, free.
Time froze that iternal moment of hope, of her to fly with my dreams far, further than I could ever reach.

She flew, shaked her wings. For once, twice then thrice.

To the ground, she fell, unable to fly.
It is too late, that cage got the best of her. Those four walls got the best of me.

Free,

We will never be.

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Inspiration hath spoken to me, in my loner nights dreamless nights of woe,
"thou shalt write this, take it as thine next poem, the next about her in row!
Thou shalt take it easy, her sublime beauty, thy cause of awe".
Make it thus as a masterpiece of beauty, a reflection of her countenance for which my wicked desires bow.

Her eyes begged me, her lips thrived me, that smile made it all come slow,
To a pen and a piece of paper here I am to share and show,
How deemed my soul is with affection and inspiration she overthrew,
Whelming my feelings, as another string, many strings tied to her bow.*


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She woke up helpless and had no clue,
-What time it was- or what to vainly do,
She could never see, but hear their steps,
Chime in that vacant dark hall,

She wanted to speak it loud, to scream,
She couldn't wait seekinga  light beam,
She wanted to know any whereabouts,
She wanted to **** all wonders and doubts,
'' Where am I?" said she.

She knew everything but what was happening,
She knew everything, but all was vaguely dark,
This **** food she shared with a rat,
Which, she ironically named and jack,

Jack, he, who happens to be full of romance,
He, who happens to be a charming prince,
He, who happens to come on a white horse,
Recklessly swinging his sword cutting their heads,
He who used to passionately kiss her lips,
Making her heart melt within a glimpse,
He who happens to be a lover never seen again,
They took her soul when taking him away,
She was a mere corpse, already dead.

Suddenly,
the door of the cell was slammed in a burst,
Voilently opened erupting the floor's dust,
They were there, executioners and a grumpy priest,
Light has made her blind, that beam of light,
Which she has always  eagerly sought,
She went blind, for a while, until she reached the mighty blade of the guillotine.*

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UNSPOKEN

Late, she came that morning,
And next to him she sat,
Towards him she was leaning,
Her perfume he could scent,
His heart blended a feeling,
That he could never forget.
She spoke to him so little,
A sweet voice, a gentle fiddle,
That made his heart twiddle,
As a dance or a romantic riddle.
He had to keep it for himself,
Unfold like a book on a shelf,
-Eagerly, lustfully written,
  Secretly, silently hidden-
He went further to dream,
A non-sense fictional stream,
Imagining what would seem,
Like a fancy illusion to deem,
His fate of having her for real,
But soon all of that would steal,
His attention to notice a gleam,
Of vivacious sun rays that beam,
Her skin light as a glittering cream,
With pink sublime shaped lips,
So elegant, heavenly made ideal,
To which his wicked desires kneel.
For every artful kiss on the cheek,
Went a feeling sensual and deep,
Till their eyes were meant to meet,
Exposing what he thought in secrete,
"Alas! a fool I am to conceive,
Such beauty into such conceit,
It shall never happen."
Cowardly, he said inbetween,
Fake glances of his childish deceit,
In a futile trial to hide and conceal,
What he thought to be absurd conceit,
That could be a fairytale so sweet,
She felt the same, he never knew.
A secret tale by a heartbeat,
He kept it untold; unspoken,
Between the lines forgotten,
Thus it is, a fairytale incomplete.


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Among the giant pale mountains of the north,
Lies a small shelter not too far of heavens core,
As a glittering star upon the valleys that worth,
The iciness of the wandering wind sailing north,
Thriving the ghastly stillness with a stern roar,
There, under an old decaying oak tree,
He often dreamt wondering lost and sore,
Pleading and entreating murk ravens that bore,
This silent cry of his urges that implore;

"God, mighty God, to thou and only thee,
I beg thy mercy, I beg thou to let me see,
Her Seraphim countenance that I adore,
Which I have seen once and nevermore,
As she came like a leaf during a windy fall,
Leaping and dancing with bare nimble feet,
As tender as a spring wave she yielded a call,
To my vacant heart to love a love so sweet,
Conquering my psyche with a mere smile,
So gentle, as a warm Dutch summer heat,
Her peculiar eyes mischievously took my all,
Making my heart intensively vivaciously beat,
Lord! Bring us together once and for all,
As the first seed of love and life, Adam and Eve."

While the mountains murmured the echo of this call,
His days became dull of melancholy and grief,
Like a saint praying for a sinful deed,
A sinful love of wicked desires and deceit.*

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It was a spring warm atmosphere,
On that green grass she lay so near,
Her silken skin, her freckles ow dear!

Her eyes deeply charmed my heart,
Cursing my soul and intensively dart,
A magic kiss straight to the heart,

A whispered bane of her kissable lips,
A wicked glance and a charming glimpse,
Pierce my sanity that never could I part,
Her Seraphim countenance from the start.*

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Every time I see your face I remember,
Every single moment we had and wonder,
How could you become so cold and dull,
How come  you changed and I dwell,
On keeping you in my heart's core,
To abide your promises among the lies,
Neglecting the wherefores and the lies.*

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What a wicked urge took my psyche.
Upon these obscure demons' mighty.
To these dark nights melancholy,
I'm lost with no return to reality.*

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I think it's time,
To come back,
To keep you mine,
I think it's time,
For me to hold you up,
To draw and write,
A verse or a line,

I believe it's time,
To embrace myself,
To write again,
To utter the beauty,
That took my soul away.

Upon the dull nights of December,
Dark leaden and melancholy sombre,  
Midst the wan and grief I remember,  
The warmth of feelings that slumbers,  
From love to faint forgotten embers,  

A cursed barren heart that suffers,  
Without her silken touch shudders,  
Of pain and woe is torn in tatters,  
Merely her sublime countenance utters,  
The charming spirit of the heart's core,  

Bewildering in the vast vacant space,  
Sobbing the scars on the moon's face,  
Wandering all the night on its trace,  
On a quest to the stars trying to erase,
The murk nostalgia that I embrace,*

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I depart of the demons of life,
To these words that keep me safe,
I dream and dream then fly,
Far and deeply touch the sky,
I grab the moon and the stars,
I travel the universe and Mars,
Away, from what you believe,
In the vast space, I find peace,
Leisure, relief, silence and ease,
Words keep me away of life,
They've always kept me alive.

We all had a start,
We have been ignorant
Far of being smart,
With an artificial blank brain,
And a brave willing heart,
We were weak to stand alone,
To learn and achieve on our own,
To live we needed a mentor,
A guide through this chart,
It could be a father,
A passionate brother
Or a loving mother,
A famous great idol,
A wise careful teacher,
Or just an annoying sister,
A mentor could be anyone
Anyone that brings hope,
Anyone that could motivate us
Anyone that made us thus.*

© Copy right protected

When feeling down,
Imagine or look at the moon,
Coming up every night,
Beautiful and so bright,
With a face full of scars,
But as fabulous as the stars.
Those scars are you,
Be you and shine.

When feelings and pain rage,
When feeling locked in a cage,
When living no longer matters,
When the broken heart shudders,
When nobody listens tears utter,
The pain and grief that thou suffer,

When feelings and pain rage,
When passion and love age,
We realize how foolish we are,
How stupid to wish upon a star,
We finally hit the ground,
After dreaming and flying around,
No matter how long that last,
We get that cold truth like a blast,
After revealing their lies,
**No one cares, nobody ever matters.

'Twas there on the wall,
Hung in that dark hall,
There in a shady light,
'Twas grey and mostly quiet,
Among that dusty spot,
'Twas strangely bright,
'Twas there staring at me,
Staring through my soul,
'Twas there on the wall,
Messing with my spirit,
Like a danger to befall,
Like a demon or  a Satan call,
I stood there speechless,
I stood there breathless,
My fears and conscious brawl,
When my reflection crawl,
Slowly, Slowly toward me,
Screaming silently and squall,
That creepy silence drawl,
With a cold way and said it all.

Once,
I was happy,
Once,
I was alive.
Once,
I was glad.
Never sad.
Always smiling,
Never felt bad.
Once,
I could not remember.
All the pain and sad memories,
Once,
I could not remember,
I had no problems no worries,
Once,
I was happy never mad,
Once,
I was free, I was wild,
Once...
I was a child.

'Twas a dark sleepless night,
With no stars, moon or light,
His face became pale and so white,
He kept begging God and praying,
His bare skinny body is shaking,
He's young, will never grow old,
This heavy burden, his misery
Can't be described neither told,
'Twas dark and so cold,
In the corner of the cell,
Hearing death's bell,
Time is up, it's fate,
When the grumpy judge
announced the date,
Nothing to think of,
But to fly free like a dove,
When his head drops,
When his neck is cut,
When death takes his soul away,
It's his last day,
Among that noiseless jail,
Among that soundless hall,
Their steps chime,
For one last time,
Executioners and priest,
They grabbed him out,
No Mercy, No Mercy
It's fate...
They took him along with that hall,
He kept staring at the floor and the wall,
No eye contact,
No words were spoken,
Waiting for his life to be taken,
He was so down,
His feet drawn,
When he saw it,
He could not move,
He could not blink,
He was speechless,
He could not think,
They were merciless,
When they reached The GUILLOTINE.




*

© Copy right protected

A Pale thick fog,
A dark moonless night,
To live forever we're agog,
Until death angel comes,
When your time runs out,
He finds you no doubt,
To lay your soul to waste,
To lay your soul out of this life,
You can hear nothing but him whispering,
Calling your name and death  murmuring,
You see nothing but his face,
With every single breath,
You smell nothing but death,
You have no excuse,
You can't say no for death,
You can never refuse,
A dead horse you flog,
If you look for clues,
  Only life to lose,
  No options, it's fate,
You can never choose.

Imagine...
That all of our dreams came true,
For every problem we found a clue,
Imagine
That we could dive and fly,
In that deep open sky,
We live forever,never die,
Never ask or wonder why,
No drama tragedy or Goodbye,
Forever just you and I.

Everybody wants me sad,
Everybody wants my mood bad,
Everybody is happy for my sadness,
Never ask about my moody madness,
Everybody needs my tears,
Everyday, for months and years,
I wonder,
If they ever want me tender,
If they ever feel my anger,
If they ever fear my thunder,
If they ever want me happy ?
But I think they should pay,
And taste some of my anger,
To be happy for my tears,
To be glad for my sadness,
I will make the earth flood,
Take their soul and blood,
But I'm kind to keep it thus,
So let the stars and the moon,
The sun and the flowers bloom,
While my rain drops vanish,
After the clouds banish,
I will be the same blue sky,
The same blue sky,
But with a rainbow.*

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The most beautiful you can ever see,
There, she hides in the deep dark sea,
Forever mine, I want her to be,
But take a moment and look at me,
I'm nothing like her she's nothing like me,
She has no legs but a tail,
She never walks but sail,
She never cries, she has no tears,
But the sun she fears,

We would spend the night
Under the starlight,
While staring at the moon
That makes our love bloom,
But at the beginning of the day,
In my world she would never stay,
She will have to get into her way,

And when she dives down,
With her my heart will drown,
That deep sea will be a grave,
The coffin would be the wave,
The corpse would be the love,
The love that we had above...*

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What if there were
No God and angel,
No good no evil,
No Lucifer  and  Satan,
No soul no demon,
No creature and Human,
No wonder no why,
No truth no lie,
What if there were
No east no west,
No worst nor best,
No black and white,
No day and night,
And no wrong no right,
,
,
Would this universe be such a  fake existence ?
Or just a world with nothing but consistency  ?*

© Copy right protected

On the shore I stand,
Feeling my toes in the sand,
Foggy, cloudy weather,
Grey sky, has no sign of pleasure.
Feeling my Feet drawn,
With every wave feeling down,
I've been there for a while,
Waiting just to see her smile,
Like a star between the cloud,
She appears between the crowd,
I could feel nothing but the air,
Messing and moving her hair,
My conscious could not bear,
  I could not tell fantasy,
From the bare reality,
She's just like Illusion,
It was strange what I felt,
she softly made my heart melt,
Slowly she went out of my sight,
I tried to keep her there,
I started running ,
Trying to follow her there,
She disappears in the nowhere,
just there,
I fell...
The sand became harder than I thought,
It became concrete and so cold,
something was next to me,
strangely it's my bed !
It was all a dream,
nothing but a dream,
she was never there,
I don't know where,
She is there somewhere,
I'm in love with a ghost,
It's a nightmare.

In the darkness of night,
Starless moonless has no twilight,
Darker than a usual night,
Noiseless, soundless and so quiet,
Never look at your window,
Never pick a sight,
In that deep darkness out,
You see everything you have ever feared,
And everything you have ever dreaded,
The impossible is possible in the dark void,
Nothing can be seen, nothing can be heard,
Nothing only the evil of your soul to be reflected,
Nothing but the Fear of the unknown ,
Nothing... yet anything to be imagined,
Demon surreal faces that know your fears,
And your deepest darkest secrets,
All what you have ever feared is there,
All what you could never dare,
But dont worry,
It is nothing but a fictional fear,
You are safe in here,
But not out there,
It is simply a window,
They can not get through,
They can not hold your soul,
The demons out there...

Just dont blink.

What do I mean you would ask?

Your reflection In darkness is your dimension...
As a demon as one of them.


Dont blink.

Hearts were broken,
No words were spoken,
Our breath was taken,
When we knew that it's the end,
Something you can't bare or bend,
For days a feeling that I couldnt prevent,
Thinking of you and tomorrow,
A future for a while full of sorrow,
Sorrow... sorrow I wish that helps,
The pain inside of me,
The heart that yelps,
At the end,
We leave them all
Those whom we knew For a while,
And less than awhile,
And finally as while as never,
After the days we spent together,
As soon as forgotten,
As more as it gets better,
From a journey to another,
A long or short quest,
Time never stops for anybody

NEVER.

After all,
You had to say

It's The END!

You Feel the yearn to cry,
You never want to say Goodbye,
You remember the First Hi!
Yet... you realise that it's time,


To say Goodbye.

"You are so far from me"
Cried the Sea,
Here with me,
I need you to be,
Forever, just you and me,

"Be happy" Said the sky,
I'm always here nearby,
Yes, we never meet,
We'll never meet,
Yet we are lucky,
There will be no goodbye,

Smiled the Sea,
The horizon is what we seek,
We never meet,
together we'll never be,
Together forever far apart,
God wants it so,
So let it be... let it be