I wear my long sleeves like they are tissues
Tears in constant motion over minor issues
I told myself one day I'll grow stronger
I guess I've been lying to myself longer
Than I have ever lied to anyone.
Swooning over people that are to be won
Just so they could create a vortex of ache
Some even claim it to be for my own sake
No! I don't think you hurting me is for me
I floated in water but you drowned me in the sea.

People tell me to stop listening. STOP LISTENING!
I HAVE TRIED, I have tried staring at sun's glistening
But their words still seep through the cracks and gaps
Of a wall erected between me and their word traps
THEIR WORDS still penetrate my soul with their hatred
Even with all the barriers and constructed obstructions I created.

I tried ignoring, the problem intensifies
Like a tiny droplet in the vast skies
That slowly but surely becomes a storm
I tried changing myself, to slowly conform
But even then I was still a complete pariah
With words of hate that singed me like fire
With a full change I was still a social reject
Somehow unable to follow their presets
I tried embracing my outcasted features
I got my blood dried by hatefilled leeches
Spouting out completely taunting lies
To accompany my already tumbling sky.

I found poetry, I decided to write till my heart is content
But even then I was still a reject with more holes than dents
With no where else to vent but sit shallow in my grave
I guess I have one foot in the grave and that's brave
Because I'm already willing to accept my death
I'm already willing to accept my last and final breath.

They say powerful poetry will show you yourself
And all I see is a lonely man screaming for some help
Only to be responded with silence and emptiness
I got criticised for embracing my inner darkness
I got crticised for being the light of a dark room
So I am torn in between trying to be happy and gloom.

Poetry has shown me that I'm immature for my age
As though I'm still that same little kid on that stage
Urinating and crying for his parents' care mid show,
I'm not the kid caught in between a volcano and snow
I'm not the kid checking under his own bed for monsters
Not because I finally have all my fears conquered
But because the imaginary parts of my life are gone
Everything fell in motion like I was an axon
Gone are the tooth fairies, gone are santas and elves
Gone are the comic books and games on the shelves
Gone are the stuffed toys that decorated my bed
ALL GONE like the positive light that recur in my head
ALL GONE like the people who coddled me in false promise
Now I just roam the streets for someone who's honest
But the monsters that escaped the captivity under my feet
Is lurking and hiding behind the shadows of the street.

I am not the same little kid who cried when things go wrong
I am a man who became all the things people thought were wrong

You ever have someone
You can never be friends with
Not out of hatred
But out of love.

A failure to disconnect emotions
From any sort of contact
Between one person to another
And remain intact.

I have pushed a great person
Out of my life
For the exact same reason.

I can just not disconnect
Emotions for someone
And call it friendship...

So there's one great person
In this world
That I can never be friends
With....

Out of love.

I should be shedding light on the stigma of society,
how division and segregation reared its ugly head;
and though its been killed in the media and debates,
it's somehow sought shelter and survived.

I could offer words on the issue, share my thoughts;
break out all I can from what I hear, unsure whether
the facts and figures are configured fiction, so my words
are an ember wasting away with the winds, empty.

Where do I stand? Do I stand for the weak, or do I
hold hands with the weak, do I sing the songs that
I dare not speak or do I let myself believe, this is just?
This is just.....society reverting into its primal form.
Until nothing but ash, bones, dust and destruction,
is all that remains.

Me and momma never really had much help,
She would work days and nights to provide,
While I stayed at home looking after myself,
Reassuring that I always stayed inside.

When I was six, I told her that I hated her,
She didn't shed a tear or get angry,
She said "I won't ever be a back patter,
But we are blood and that's family".

When I was six, a year after fathers death,
She cried at nights and I would bring her tissues,
Not really sure if I understood myself in depth,
I just knew that that's what you bring people with issues.

When I was six, she said once more without a bush to beat
'I won't ever be a back patter,
But you will be able to stand on your two feet,
and life will remain easier."

"We only have each other in this life,
And that means at times you have to be tough,
And you aren't a kid, you'll be a man for life,
So all I can give you is an open door when things get rough".

I think ever since I was a kid, ever since then,
My fathers funeral was the only one I was ever weak at,
So as time passes I do cry now and again,
But I am a man who never felt weak no matter where I sat.

Like the whistling
sound of a steam train,
that was muffled
by the crowd of people.

Like an explosive sound
contained in a vacuum
waiting for the pressure to
create something that matters.

Like the sound of a bass guitar
playing a bass line,
drowned out by the sounds
and songs of people screaming.

Like a single drop of water
crashing against rocks,
following the flow of the
cascading waterfall.

Like the sound of a scream
in a vacuum,
like the sound of the words
"doesn't matter".

Somewhere along the way
I've seem to forgotten your face
Your name somehow became a mystery.
Somewhere along the way
I've filled in the empty space
your name somehow became a mystery.

Somewhere along the way
I wish I could remember you
but I do not know who you were
or who you are...

So tell me, does the clouds miss the raindrops;
did I wake up forgetting teardrops,
because I've seen sunny sky turn grey
and still I wish I hadn't forgotten your name.

But goodbye to you, who I once fell for
so goodbye to you, who made bells roar...

So please just say goodnight,
I've fought the midnight blues
So please just say goodbye
because I've forgotten you

Necessities
Pessimistically
Things keeping me alive

Necessities
Optimistically
Things keeping me going

Necessities
Optimistically and Pessimistically
You

Things keeping me alive and going
You

Things that make me see beauty
You

Things that keep me sane
You

Things that make me feel bad for using the word things
You.

Person I always think about before I go to sleep
You

Person I miss the most
You

The stars look so pretty tonight,
Reflecting the glare that is the moonlight.
It is even better when you have company,
Oh how I wish you would come to me.

Hair so yellow like a sunflower,
The way you'd look at stars late every hour,
It is almost like you bathe in its beauty,
But I bathe in your beauty, cutie.

Oh how I wished to hold you in my arms,
Keep you from the dangers and the harms,
This world will throw at you,
But then again even the night sky has shades of blue.

I see you play the guitars, your fingers striking the strings,
Oh how I wish I was the strings, and bring the joy that it brings,
I can see you paint sometimes, just an array of finesse,
I can't say anything more than I think I've been blessed.
Keep your heart where it is at,
For I can not watch it fall in half once again.
                           My world is made beautiful by your presence.
                              -Fellow Star Gazer

Never have I understood what it was
Like to be finally accepted for being
Myself.
I preach be yourself to others
While I disguise the emptiness
Of that sentiment.

Never have I not stopped being myself
The kid with the dreams of being an actor
The kid that lives inside the body of an
Adult.

I can't see another body in a coffin
Waste down and away to nothing
I can't let that rest on my conscience
The way my best friend's did.

She was definitely a blessed soul
But as time ticks to it's toll
She decided to let everything go
But she is not forever gone.

I can't let guilt from someone's daughter,
Someone's son, someone's brother
Someone's sister, someone's father
and someone's mother, rest on my soul.

So I beg of all you poets to extend a hand
To those whose life aren't so grand
Or who believe they are against god's plan,
Extend them a hand and help them.

Even if you're not trained, a simple "hello,
You are wonderful" or "your poems are
beautiful", doesn't hurt anyone.
So please just be as nice as you can.

FOR ***** SAKES...

Ambient reverberation of car tyres on dry asphalt,
Engines roaring their melodious tune
Never once did the noises surrounding ever halt
As I move my attention to the moon.

The moon had a different shade of blue and grey
Its light warms my shivery shoulder
Beauty is in the beholder as humans always say
But beauty is in simple things like solder.

I've arrived at a junction where stars are simple,
They are the tiny specks of unformed moon
Like the little indentation on faces known as dimples
They are the beauty of a deflated balloon.

A deflated balloon will remain beautiful
Always more than its purpose, dutiful,
For it represented happiness and fun,
No one ever looked sad holding a balloon...

I could simply tell you that I love you
But I would feel that that's not enough
You deserve a complete beautiful view
For you've already shared your beauty.

You are a gem amongst common pebbles
Minstrels sang songs of your radiance
But even they could not match your treble
For a beautiful voice from the most beautiful girl

I love you more than you could imagine
Maybe it's strange to you and unbelievable
And although there's parts you can't fathom
I do love you whole heartedly with all I am.

           Babe, I love you.

I found an empty book, it's labelled biology- grade nine,
fake lines ran across the book, never any real content,
to feel content with what I read was an impossible matter,
scattered diagrams of human anatomy too far from realism
because realistic diagrams would include labels to hearts
with coloured charts stating that 'this may fall apart-
not by fat barricades, but to paraphrase a different place,
Neruda chases the stars and from afar as the cages of ribs
would rip and sometimes, just enough to have felt loved,
to feel enough with being held for just a night, a short time,
but life is built beyond a biology book.

It is so strange that I have learnt so much more about life
than ninth grade biology because being biologically correct
doesn't ***** the hairs on my back as an assortment of words
like an assortment of birds aren't really meant to be described
as assortments and a biology book isn't really meant to describe life.

When I finally convinced myself that you loved me,
I could feel the hesitation that sits amongst your soul,
How can you ever love a being built with ugly?
How could one ever love broken pieces rather than a whole?

I could hear the hissing noise of your mind
As you told me you loved me-
With each day, each word spoken-
It became a pinpoint to where I lost myself.

Pitter! Patter! The sound of the teardrops;
pleading that the harsh tear stops.
She ripped it in two and a half...
million different pieces and parts.

The balloon like an orb as the sun shines,
connected by a string tied to my wrist,
severed by a calm tug.
The balloon drifted with the winds,
floated into the air; and with it...
came a realisation that I am no longer a child.

I am no longer a child...
She ripped it in two and a half...
million different pieces and parts
But there was no Pitter! There was no patter!
There was no sound of teardrops
and sometimes I wished I could learn to cry again.


___

I had let go of a balloon
And picked up a pen.

To my new Hello Poetry friends who has helped me see the light once again. I know I've been an emotional wreckage the past few days, but I thank you all for the support you have shown me. I promise you I will stand on my two feet and carry the world on my shoulder again one day. Special thanks to carol, spt, nameless,rosalind, julie, lucinda and eve who have taken the time to message me and encouraged me to keep on writing as well as made me understand myself better so I can better myself. I thank you all. Thank you Hello Poetry for showing me what it's like to appreciate stars in my life without having to look upon the darkest part of our lives; the night.

Happy valentines day to those who found love,
I hope you have a great day.

And to those who don't have love right now,
it will be ok, we still have chocolate.

Chocolate is a different kind of sweet,
A different kind to love.

Happy valentines day to everyone

One weekend passes,
I attend my classes,
But there's one realization,
That without hesitation,
I am a better man than I was.
A happier man than I was,
For I conquered my first,
Heart break.

Now off to party yo.
So I won't be writing
As much.

Ciaos.

Cya lovely folks around.

I'll still read so if you
Message me I'll still
Respond.

Why do poets always write about love,
As though it is filled with beauty,
As though there aren't grey clouds above,
And to live and love is human's duty.

Why do poets always write about heartbreak,
As though a heart so filled with void,
Could somehow be expressed of how it aches,
And thoughts of what could be is fully employed.

Why do poets not talk about how life is wonderful,
That love is not a necessary part to life,
That we in all our essence make Earth beautiful,
And that love doesn't start with the word wife.

Why must poets colour coat the beautiful world,
And take away from the blue serene skies,
Ignoring nature and all the art it has hurled,
Filling our head with hollywood dreams and lies

To dearest Bailey.
We're worlds apart
But upon meeting
A kind and nice soul
Coated in pure wisdom
A heart that leaked care
As your own,
I'll remember
Twenty sixteen quite
Fondly.

Though days go by
And so fell the sky
It'll always be
Twenty sixteen
When I found
You for the
First time.

They say words can blow a thunderstorm into oblivion;
But sadly one thing I've learnt, it can't be done twice.
You are a bright soul, both as the sender and recipient;
And I'm saddened that your light has been dimmed.

In the time I have come to learn about you, tragedy
became your bread and butter but you stood strong;
Yet you drew last breath as societal war's casualty;
And I had hoped I'd help you find your inner light.

You taught me, that the inner me and the enemy
Are synonymous with one another, and though
people brandished darkness and negative energy
You taught me, to stay strong and shine brighter.

I just wish I could have been there to cut the ties
That bonded your soul to your late grandmother's,
I just wish I could have been there to cut the ties
That bonded your last breath with your last light.

I do not flick a light switch on this day to guide you;
For today, I will light a candle to memorialise;
The day that you have finally left the flames of blue,
And found your peace.

I hope that wherever you are, you are watching the stars;
And I hope that this dedication reaches you at the gates
Of heaven.

- Your friend.

While the shadows of the world formed ogres
Yours formed angel wings stabilising me
And my heart was all that you could see
Even when I thought that my world was over
Or when I saw periods of being non-sober
You stood by my side as rugged as a tree
Even when I was as buzzed as a bee
You'd only ever held me much closer.

You are the calm wind brushing against the sea,
So patient, so understanding and so kind to me.
You took the time to message me despite my sadness,
It was like you were trying to heal me from madness.
Gentle feedback to guide my writing,
Messaging you was the right thing.
My mind is a bit more at peace thanks to you,
So now the grass is once again green and not blue.
Trusting heart to make me feel appreciated,
And my loneliness suddenly somehow alleviated.
Your sense of humour is one of a kind,
Astounding,
And this is probably stupid sounding....
But thank you for being my friend.

Night creeps in and I realize day ends,
But it doesn't matter because we are still friends.
Your word of teenage wisdom,
Helped me break free from my mental system,
The encouragement you gave,
Built stronger everyday like a sea's wave.
So through all of it,
I can't wait another minute,
To say thank you.
For making me less blue.

Will permanently be afraid to rush into things,
Remembering songs that my heart sings,
I have learnt the lesson that many rarely know,
When you reach one step, there's always another to go.

Never rush emotions of love,
For it might just make you feel like you've had enough.
Always keep your heart encased in a shell,
For then and only then will your heart not ring bells.

I wanted to write you a poem yesterday
But something along the lines of alone
Left that feeling washed away.

I wanted to write about how I'm here for you
But I guess you wanted something clearly new.
I was stressed from what words to use
To hopefully paint colours to your blues.
I could write of your smile
How it shined lights from a million miles
How your eyes were the right shape and colour
And they could stare into souls, pass the exterior covers.
How you appeared in my dreams
How you were beautiful
And ripped interlocked fingers like seams
So the sunrise and you had something in common.
Your sense of humour and words
Are to be envied by those who lacked.
Keep on shining

I have been following the stars for far too long
Running in the direction of the stars when it dims
Alongside a highway of cars that'll get to places faster
And I'm still playing a game of would you rather
With every option I would rather not.

I am not concerned whether you're in a constellation
Whether unity was in complete copacetic
For you see, I am not a star but a mortal
And I can not join a constellation.
So take it as it is, but I am asking
Out of the kindness and care that lurks in my heart
Not to determine whether constellations are aligned.

O' gravestone, O' gravestone
How you sit alone
O' gravestone, O' gravestone
'Twas a battle zone.

O' gravestone, O' gravestone
Artillery of hate hurt you
O' gravestone, O' gravestone
Blood rained red stained blue.

O' gravestone, O' gravestone
If the shells did not ricochet,
O' gravestone, O' gravestone
You might have seen today.

O' gravestone, O' gravestone
You were never the prey
O' gravestone, O' gravestone
Caught in the crossfire sprayed.

O' gravestone, O' gravestone
I miss your comfort
O' gravestone, O' gravestone
Why must I turn to you when hurt?

Oh honey, depression isn't pretty,
it isn't suppose to be,
people always connect sadness
with depression
but the connection is different,
it is a train of thought
like a chain cut short,
that is sturdily held together
but it doesn't last forever,
it is an armour that is worn
and polished everyday
just to say, 'I'm not sure'.

Oh honey, depression isn't pretty;
it isn't suppose to be,
and I want you to know clearly,
that there are always people
out there, somewhere,
who appreciate you for you
and who is nothing more than
a teardrop or a sweat dripping
away from help.

Some might ask,
'Are you depressed?'
and I can say, 'no I'm not',
so what I write is an expression of mind,
of how I wish you could find, that you
have a chance, because you deserve that chance,
the past is the past, a certain glance at the future
says that you could be doing so much more
and if you don't want to, that's your choice
but honey, depression isn't pretty
and it isn't suppose to be,
but you sure are beautiful,
so please keep staying strong
and marching on.

So I sit and hope for it to be over,
Praying that I'll remain sober;
As I overlook the sunrise
Watching it's slow demise
Atop a scenic mountainside.
I'd ask myself over and over, 'why-
You found love with someone else
Yet I found myself begging for help
Only to bear that I've fallen silent
of always being in complete reliant
On your shoulders when I needed to cry
And your warm words when I wanted to die'.

I cast my eyes on the sunset
Watching all that it begets,
Only to realise no matter how
That simple yet quotable vow
We promised to each other
Of being eternally written lovers,
Yet we disparagingly fall apart
Unable to mend pieces of hearts
Crushed by the torrential waters
Into minimal multiple quarters.

I wanted you so bad to turn back,
Yet you left without ever looking back
And I had hoped I didn't see you walk away;
For that moment is seared into my memory even today.

One day
              Fine
Today
        Not so fine
Tomorrow
                  Hopefully so.

Cheeks
            Blemished
Eyes
           Sullen
Hair
          Mess
Me
        Hideous

One day
                     **FINE

You made my heart beat in tandem
And that I could not fathom.
I needed a heart that was kept stable
As though it wasn't on the edges of a table.
One gentle breeze of air to knock it down
Or one drop of liquid to make it drown
I needed my heart to be the centrepiece
So it won't fall to become decease.
I need not be on the table edges
Being avoided like a rose in the hedges
Being trimmed away by worn out scissors
Or like a ceiling without pillars.
**One gentle breeze of air to knock it down.

High School sweethearts
Yet remained friends
Both torn apart
When high school ends.

Graduation
Should call for true
Celebration
Yet days felt blue.

She chose her hearts
Gave him permit
******* starts
Though soon to split.

Penetrated
Her eyes gave tears
Hesitated
He stopped with fear.

Silencing cries
'Keep going friend'
With rolling eyes
'We came to end'

Mumbles once more
'This the last time'
He left her doors
As A past time.

I hold a smile
Cause maybe the memories
Might just fade awhile
And
I hold my shoulders high
Hoping that I'll soar
One last time to finally
Understand what it's really like
To be able to lift myself up
And not get scared of falling.

They say,'the strong falls
Three times but gets up
Four times' and I just hope
That I can pull the pieces
Of what remains of this corpse
Back together, so that it could
See the light of day to stand
One last time.


------
A house that used to be a home
A heart that roams alone
And what I've come to learn:
I'm rather forgetful, and
Though I carry memories
For eternity; I'm easily
Forgotten, just like a speck of dust
In a thunderstorm or like a
Drop of water in an ocean
Or
Like me.

I use to call you "my ghost"
Because you were my boo.
Now that you have ghosted me,
Left me in the desert feeling blue.

The term ghost, is no longer as funny,
Or now it will never be as cute to me,
I will never use the term ghost,
For it will bring unpleasant memory post.

Where have you disappeared to and why are you ignoring me?
I guess you assumed you can't fall or chase what you can't see.
But I chased you like I chased a dream,
I fell for you like a thread to a seam.

Why are you completely discarding me as though I'm nothing,
I guess you only realise you're choking after you've been coughing.

You light up my life
Keep minds from strife
You brightened my night
With luminous star light.
Your adorableness is warm
And I feel no need to conform.
You cured me from internal ache
Healed hearts from heartbreak
Left scars like tattoos across my mind
From you running through it all the time.

Don't leave anymore marks,
I don't know how deep I might fall
But then again I feel a spark
That just feels as natural as nature's call.

Leave as many mark as you want,
Because I know you will fix those mark
And make sure those marks won't
Hurt my soft and weak heart.

I trust you to not break me.
I trust you won't leave or flee
So leave as many marks with Cupid's bow
Are you ready? Steady? Get set. Go!.

Half of my brain is tired of always being second best.
My other half resents the rest.
There's not enough room for the two and
I think I've gotten crazier from spending so much time with you

Time is limited my dear, we've all been given a set amount of time.
One half of my brain tells me to spend it all with you, but thats a crime
Because that same half screams "Put her into a pit, she won't leave then"
and "IT RUBS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN OR IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN".

I've got glitter in my eyes maybe a little blood to
And my heart races whenever I look at you.
I'm not sure if its because I'm having those "visions" again.
They always keep me on the fence.
I just go nuts when you're around.
But if you turn your back you'll be six fit in the ground...
Don't be scared. But if you hurt me I hurt you.
I feel like a clown always tripping over my shoes when you stare.
It's really hard to act like I don't care

I'll wipe the glitter out of your eyes my dear,
And if someone speaks ill I'll cut off their ear.
I'll mix my blood with yours if I have to
Just so we can coat the world in red and not blue.
I've seen what our minds put together looks like
And trust me it looks much better than on a pike.
Anyone dare rise their head above you
And their head will roll on the ground in poo.
But be warned my dear, if you dare leave
Your family will surely undoubtedly grieve,
Because you want to know how I got these scars...
Lets just say the girl who gave me them is sleeping in tar.

Ha ha! Glad you're not talking to other girls.
If you were I'd have to stab you.
But I love you so much that'd I stitch you right back up.
Of course with strands of my hair.
Then I'd always be touching you.
Together me an you can accomplish great things as a team
And when you go to sleep I stare cause your my dream.
Lack of sleep feels funny.
Funny feels good.
Half of my brain is turning to mush...*

I will blow your brains and mine out,
Don't you let half your brain share a doubt,
Because I would want to die together
After all it will only be better.
I'm doing what is only due to me,
We belong in an eternal unity,
No let me phrase that, you are my stuff
And if I wasn't too nice, I'd chain you up
You belong to me, end of story.

He was a lonely child,
When he saw the mirror he smiled,
For there was someone looking into his eyes,
Listening to his constant telling of lies,
Such as "we will make it" or "we will be fine"
But as lies go there was always a simple line,
One that he would never cross,
For if he ever did everything would be at a loss,
And that was to lie to someone he loves.

One day as he was staring through a window,
Confused as to why he didn't see his face show,
He stood there poking his tongue and pulling faces,
When he notices an angelic presence with braces,
He wanted to get the angels attention,
So he thought **** was a good thing to mention,
"I **** regularly!" he called out to the other side,
No response, he thought "Oh well at least I tried".
Minutes pass then the angel looks back at him,
Noticing that his eyes seemingly kind of dim,
"I like your eyes " the angel spoke in a soft voice,
He straightened his back, trying to stand in poise,
"I like yours too" he responded to the angel with skin so fair,
Then the window shattered and there was no longer a glare,
He could see the angel clearly and enjoyed the view,
To him everything felt bright and brand new,
He placed his hands holding the angel's cheeks,
And the angel says "finally I have been waiting weeks".

The sands slips through the neck of the hour glass
And with each grain of sand sifting through the tight confines
I found your hands slipping away , each passing second,
Until our hands no longer touched and you are no longer mine.

I wish I could erase all my memories,
Of you.