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Star Gazer Apr 2016
-
I'm sitting here listening to a song
Wondering how I was so wrong
I used to think the days were long
But with days comes longer nights
It's hard to determine wrong or right
The way my face lit up from fright
As I knew I'd have to spend it alone
Thinking I'll be fine, I have grown
But a house is never ever a home
When I have to spend it isolated
And I hear echoes of words
Words that may remain unstated
As I get into a slight altercation
With my own mind, debated
Whether I should feel happy
Whether I should feel crabby
Whether this world was a big cage
Or that Earth was rather a grand stage
These purple walls feel black and white
And although the stars lit up the night
I'm left with the thought of how
Every star will eventually burn
Stabbing thoughts at every turn
As I start to think about all the encounters
All the people I have met
All the people I have yet to meet
And whether we were parallel lines
That were never meant to meet
Or we were somewhere in an
Almost asymptotic situation.

I had hoped my lives was not TanX
As I think on how my mind's been vex
Distorted , contorted to a fault.

I'm randomly thinking, over thinking
Just wondering whether I should be fine
Or draw upon another line
That separated the nights and the days
Where I was no longer dazed
By the fact that I have no real words to speak
And if I did, I would not know where to seek
As I keep my mindset on a ranting style
Letting it run wild
With thoughts of whether I should show concern
Over people of my past
As though the relapse of a friendship is evident
But it's not like lives became relevant
We kept thoughts to ourselves
Racking brains to sizes of elephants.
I ask myself,
Over and over again
No, I beg myself
Please pick up the pen
Just write your thoughts
Show the world your inner den
And then
I'm caught between writing useless words
That go unread or unheard
Fleeting like the migration of a bird
Just in and out of no real value
But I touched on many personal topics
And in a rather ectopic
Way this has become my personal diary.

I want to tell a story
It is about a star in the night sky
Well you see, this star
She was a bright one
She kept her light on
Just to guide the world home
And in her own life
She made those who felt alone
Felt appreciated, felt loved
She stole many hearts
Broke many hearts
And indeed broken as is
She knew how to fixed hearts
Sewed them up with threads
From the very veins that ran
Through her own heart.
Well you see one big problem
This bright lustrous star
Met a floating comet
This comet, you see
He wasn't a nice one
He wanted lights, gone
And kept his heart imprisoned
Inside a ribcage that
Resembled the cages
Within a hidden cave.
She, the bright light of a star
Was drawn to him,
Couldn't get near him,
Yet couldn't get far from him,
And so she knew of a solution
She let her lights dim,
Just so she could see him,
Just so she could hold him,
And with her fading lights
She left one night
Set up on a different life
When she knew nothing
Nothing could ever be right.
He, the comet felt stupid
Because although they floated
High above in space,
There was this asteroid
Named cupid
who tied their hearts together
...
And so he cried on and on
He cried till the tears were gone.

Light years pass by
He, the stupid comet
Met another star
That shined brighter than he
Have ever seen in a long time
Except he could only admire
He could only admire her from
A distance
In attempt at persistence
He realised her shine was warm
Her shine was comforting
Her shined stopped the hurting
Her shine lit through the curtains
Although she was different
Different to the old star
Yet the comet tried and tried
Wondering whether the part
Of him, that usually crashes
The Earth have died
Or whether he was just tired.
This comet had many uncertainties
But one thing was certain
He had not deserved her warmth
So he believed the Big Bang
Had made the comet and the star
Light years apart for a reason
And although the comet
Admired the beauty of the star
The kindness shown by the star
The care shown by the star
The warmth of the star
He knew maybe his life
As a comet was to only
Get along with a comet
And so with a conflicted mind
The comet found himself
A solution, the one thing
He had ever done right,
That was to bring the night
So that the star would
Always be around.
In the end of the story
Whatever the comet chose
Whatever the comet did
He knew within his mind
That no matter what
He would have made
A new marvellous friend.

The comet's light
  ... died...
within this last
  . ..line...
-_-
Star Gazer Mar 2016
-_-
An archer has bows and arrows,
A warrior has swords and shields,
A gunman has a gun,
A human, can have all these things,
coated in the gentle kindness
of a human heart.
:(
Star Gazer Feb 2016
:(
You're only half an hour away,
I would send you ten flowers a day,
Only if that half hour minimised,
To an almost unseeable size,
So I can feel you the way you feel me...

I only saw you two days ago,
But something feels amiss,
Because even though,
You're close, you're someone I still miss.

Even though the word friend,
Half contains the word end,
I know that as we are right now,
We won't ever end.

I have to thank you for that.
??
Star Gazer Feb 2016
??
They say true love lasts a lifetime,
I wonder what kind of love lasts all lifetimes?
...
Star Gazer May 2016
...
...And I love you more than I do myself.
I love you with a heart that lives deep in the shadows
Where only your light could fetch it out of the barren wastelands.
It was your love that has shown me light
It was your love that I longed for
It was your love that I will die for.
It was you.
...
Star Gazer May 2016
...
Between notions of love
and hate
Between friendship
and tolerance
Between living
and dying
And the chaos
Lays waste to the words
That I falsely deemed poems.

Between the conflicts
and resolutions
Between the characters
and creations
Between the broken hearts
and dismembered parts
And the chaos
Lays waste to the words
That I falsely deemed poems.

Between the hearts
And the aches
Between the healing
And the bandages
Between the feelings
And the chaos
Lays waste to the words
That I falsely deemed poems.

For poetry is
Working words
To power.

This is where this poem bends
Goodbye my dear friends
This is where the journey ends
Not with an explosion but with silence.
...
Star Gazer Feb 2016
...
He was a paraplegic,
Cursed to see the world from the height of a wheelchair.
He recognised a woman who loved him without care,
For his misfortune. The woman being quite strategic,
Always said at least you aren't a quadriplegic,
And that was what established them as a pair.
The mutual love and respect they both share,
Because even if he was handicapped she didn't see it.

She was blind,
An affliction through her whole life,
The scent of the rose that promised her, to be his wife,
And she didn't mind.
For something between the two connected them.
Star Gazer Nov 2016
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I tread the wrong path
made many mistakes
and each turning trail
I found myself lost...
I left part of my life
in the lips of lies
and I'm stuck...
So with aching heart
like crimson cards
packed with silent cries
I hope she at least
hears my sorries.
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I left someone I love...
merely because i thought it was over.
Because I was taught and told it was over,
and I guess this is far from an attempt at closure
but I really am sorry.
____
Star Gazer Feb 2016
She whispered in my ear,
One thing I thought was true,
And as I shed a tear,
"Be you".

"Don't be the you you want me to see,
Be the you that you like,
Don't change anything for me,
if you're childlike, be childlike."

I stared into her eyes,
The way I would look at new shoes,
The way I looked at the skies,
I said **" I just want to be with you".
Star Gazer Feb 2016
Roses are red, Violets are blue
Is that even true?
Star Gazer Mar 2016
I remember when I was younger
When someone told me they felt lonely
I would sing "I walk a lonely road,
the only road I have ever known".

Today I walk this road,
No one who loves me
No one who cares about me
No one who would hold me if i fell
No one who would hug me when my sky cracks
No one who would eat lunch with me.

I think it's about time I realised,
I am that weird kid that should be hated on.
Thank you God for making such a ******* ****** *******.
Really, thank you for making me ******* exist.
Star Gazer Dec 2016
I hope you're hearing my words when I say this,
You're no plain fish or cray fish that's somewhat wasteful
it's distasteful to think you're feeling tasteless
faceless to me but your words leap so beautifully
you're new to me but I wished I'd met you sooner
because luna lights are striking my eyes and I'm still reading
feeding my thoughts with all your written poems.

Your words are like fuel to a fire that burns the brightest spark
the heaviest hearts could amass your words and still find that the
brightest lights blinding quiet eyes to be an understatement.
Your words are like a thunderous cloud clashing with a calm sky
written to deny the fictitious aspects of life, written to reveal
the peeling mask behind every fake smile, written to heal
the steel hearts who have learnt cruelty from bruises and cuts.

I hope you read this written piece, because you're no Nemo or Dory,
your story is your own unique pathway, you're far from ordinary
because ordinary isn't a word that fits you at all, you're special
so let the Gods test you and I hope that you never falter or crumble,
stumble a few times if you must, but you're not a fish
you're a person, and though ignorance is bliss, you're aware of the world.
So wear off the world because everything around you,
can not truly sparkle as much as you do.
My poem to Liza Ann Marie.
I love your writing, please do not quit.
Your new friend - Star Gazer
Star Gazer Feb 2016
They'll let you rot in mildew,
And they'll just let that **** you.
They'll turn your greens into blues,
And burn you like a dynamite's fuse.

They would make sure your last breath,
Is covered in the stench of death,
They'll show you that this was life's debt,
And that when you're right, you have nothing left.

If you happened to be a girl and cute,
They'd take your purity as loot,
Sever your neck with bamboo till you're mute,
And all of this will be before they shoot.

They'll cuff your leg two sizes to small,
So that you slouched even if you're tall,
They'd make sure you'd answer death's call,
And they'll laugh when they take your all.
Star Gazer Feb 2016
I wish I had another chance to talk to you again.

Stupid how selfish and narrow minded I was back then.

Now you’re with someone I don’t know.

I wished I had a chance to put my love for show.

It’s not right for me to still be into you.

After all it’s been three months since we haven’t talked, or maybe two.

People change, personalities do too, but I really wish my feelings could as well.

Forgetting you and not being interested into you would be swell.

Please at least say goodbye or some closure

I can’t fight against the pressure.

I’m sorry

Don’t want you to worry

I’m going away

No other words to say
Star Gazer Feb 2016
Until something comes along, something surreal.
Then you realise all darkness rises and the pain will never heal.
You learn to embrace the wounds and scars,
sometime you put a little salt on it, or drink yourself blind at bars
but it’ll never be the same once the darkness rises
full of its little twist, little games and sick surprises
you have been part of the underlying problem, a part of society
you swear you won’t break, you won’t fall and you’ll stand straight in its entirety
but in the end , crawling on the ground, screaming inaudibly for help
that never arrives.
This was something I written in 2010 when I felt my world crumble.
Don't worry ,it's been 5 years since and all the fallen pieces have been rebuilt.
Star Gazer Feb 2016
I don’t want to be your next broken toy.
To avert your every sadness and despair like a decoy.
It never seems to amuse me that I have been used
but in the sight of all that is right, **I am confused.
Star Gazer Feb 2016
When you experienced everything and realise that life is only going to get worse. One moment you’re achieving, that is your hill and from there nothing ever peaks above that. You are never too young.When you sit, wait and cry about everything, and when you’ve tried alcohol to escape your own sanity, you are ready to suicide.

Well I was, but I wasn't
Star Gazer Feb 2016
Teardrop paints the story of a beautiful soul
like masterpieces on canvas with a little bit missing,
in its presence a growing hole
Teardrops make people who they pretend to be
because as the ocean waves beat against rocks,
people see the scars deep within
before they see the beauty in the words unspoken
Star Gazer Feb 2016
Sometimes beyond the grave, your voice, your heartbeat, your thoughts, values and screams are all muffled by the dirt caving in on you known as society. Sometimes beyond the grave, all that remains is a deserted set of bones laying there , slowly decomposing, slowly vanishing from earth, slowly turning into an ultimate nothingness.

                                              -Star Gazer
Star Gazer Feb 2016
Congratulations to the girl who’s finally taking time
to go and see a guy. I hope he is sublime
and that everything for you goes just fine
because after all it’s not my concerns, you ain’t even mine.
Anywho I’m back to the world
with words unspoken, ideals and values hurled
into conversation and bring it all up again.
******* forget locking myself in the den
because my egos inflated
my mind and soul’s separated
I’m prepared for the future
no longer dwelling over a stupid creature
Reality ******* me
because **** it, awesome is what I’ll be
now people tell me I’m in over my head
but **** it, I’m me and that’s all that’s needed to be said.
Selling the sadness away and swapping it for my pride
because the old me has died
and now the worlds meeting with the new soul supplied.
I still congratulate you none the less
and wish that everything goes bless
and now of to my holidays I go
to escape the past and feel a new soul flow.
Admit being stupid over imagination
got me being dumb like I needed consolidation,
well **** it I’m to cool to fall for this desperation
and now like I said I’m of to my new destination.
I was ....a really arrogant ****** bag back then.....It was weird, I don't recognise who I use to be when I wrote this. It was mostly out of anger and pettiness..    But I have since apologised to the person, we made amends.
Star Gazer Feb 2016
University is finally over.
No more morning and night classes,
No more fear of failure or low passes,
I'm finally graduating this year,
Hasn't been long but felt forever,
Especially this past year.
From here on it'll get better.

Give love a chance,
Find a little romance,
Find a stable job ,
Don't be a snob,
And keep true to being you.
You are you and no matter how tough thing gets,
You always pick yourself back up.
Now go have a great final year at Uni.
Before the goodbyes and the cries,
Remember the one friend always by your side,
Yes her. Yes you know her. Yes you feel things for her,
Don't tell her...it seems to creep people out.
Don't ever be clouded with doubt,
Also call your uncle up he told you to go work with him remember.

Finally the university years is behind me,
Been a long ride.
Thanks to the people who was with me on the ride....
Smile more you ******, it's a good year for us.
Star Gazer Apr 2016
A day, twenty-four hours,
Not long enough that blooms
A bouquet of flowers
But long enough that oblivion
Settles with solitude
Staring into this soul.

A day, twenty-four hours,
Not long enough
To cause a soul to cower
Yet just enough
To shackle and shake the power
Staring into this soul.

A day, twenty-four hours
Long enough
To elevate loneliness into a tower
That I plunge from.
Star Gazer Feb 2016
I'm snuggled into bed,
Pillow contacting my head,
Just gazing into the,
Little specks of illumination,
In the night sky,
Wondering whether you,
Are missing me as much,
As I am missing you.
The way I held you in,
My arms,
The way we held hands,
Oh how I miss your,
Smile.

This bed is a barren wasteland,
A desolately isolated booth,
Where things come to rot,
Because without you by my side,
I might as well be dead.

Who would have known,
That half an hour,
Is truly a torturous,
Distance

....
Star Gazer Apr 2016
In 9 seconds it'll all be over
You'd hope you weren't sober
As it enters your body.

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
Pray on your four leaf clover
That it'll only last 9 seconds.

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
Time might feel slower
As you resist restraints.

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
But the stench of sweat odour
Will scar your remaining life.

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
You'll feel a burden like boulder
Too heavy to carry.

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
You'll never get true closure
But it's not a choice.

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
As volts of electricity pass your shoulders
And in 9 seconds it'll all be over.
Star Gazer Feb 2016
Anguished and agitated
Being barely bred breathable
Clearly crushing childhood
Desperate,dilapidated,dejected, DONE.
Star Gazer Feb 2016
I always felt different,
Saw only bitter ends,
With nothing left to fend,
I saw no horizon bend,
And Averted from trends,
Star Gazer Feb 2016
Belief is such a powerful thing,
Deeper shade of gold than any bling,
Belief was the reason Humans saw birds sing,
That melodic tune harmonising with the claps of a tiny wing,
They say love and trust forms a wedding,
Then belief should be the rings.

There was a young little boy,
Who didn't play with toys,
He spent time building model rockets,
Wiring electrical sockets,
He went beyond the mind of a boy.
One day a kid on the playground,
Told him he should be killed for the way he sounds,
That when he dies his organs will be harvested,
And he will lay to rot with other carcasses.
The boy fell apart, fell into utter despair,
Started questioning why humans built a chair,
When they are eventually going to die.

He had a dream once, to be an astronaut,
Hoping one day his dreams would be caught,
But when his voice became silenced,
Not in the means of violence,
Yet he saw no reason to speak,
Saw no learning to seek,
He would sit and stare at windows,
Days on end,
Thinking about his end.
The same kid on the playground once again spoke,
'Everything you ever do and want to be is a joke',
So his light started to vanish,
He swapped all science classes to japanese and spanish,
Learning languages instead of pursuing dreams,
He has finally given up it seems.

Without belief,
A human is set to stray against his dreams,
All the threads break apart at the seams,
And there cease any reason to exist.
So when no one else believes in you,
Keep true to being you,
Because self belief is as important,
As anything in this world.
It is the diamond encrusting of the human soul.
Star Gazer Apr 2016
I couldn't bear to see you write poems
About someone I could never be
So I stopped reading
And a number of days later,
I found myself closure.
I looked at myself closer
...

Felt prouder
And
Happier.
~That's when I found the greatest friend anyone can ask for~
Star Gazer Mar 2016
... And there she stood
Trying to figure what's bad or good
         As her palms crashed the gravelled ground
She asks herself, 'How did I fall this far?'
     Pacing herself back and forth
In an attempt to sweat the addiction from her pores
             And her hands shaking and trembling.

      She pulls out a one hundred dollar bill
In exchange for a white powder
           And as she snorts the powder
Falling onto her hands and knees
                 Realising she wrote her own fate.
Star Gazer May 2016
When I was a kid, I rushed growing up, learning things
I wanted to be able to do my taxes before I even had a job,
I wanted to be married before I even knew of love and trust.
I remember, peeing in imaginary burning cities made of porcelain,
betting on who would sneeze first with a nose full of feather.
Now I struggle to get out of bed, I find it hard to keep focus,
I've learnt of heartbreak, learnt of drama, learnt of dangers
and although I learnt how to do my taxes, I found no fun
on simplest things, and I am not enjoying growing up as much
As I had expected because....

**Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street
then getting hit by an airplane.
[Reddit inspired poem]
Star Gazer Apr 2016
I never knew Uncle Sam
Never had the dream or hope
To scan and scope
On leaving home.

I would have done so happily,
Just to explore a different part
Of a world where I could lay
My continuously beating heart
To enjoy the new-found
experiences.

I venture on with my beating heart
To find a place
It sits settled slowly surrounded
by
**S O U L
I hate ads....so this is just a venture not an adventure.
I one day dream of exploring the world - or just travelling a lot.
Starting from when I graduate.
Star Gazer Feb 2016
Keep your head up high
Because you never know
What you might find.

Keep your heart closed
Because the right person,
Will be able to penetrate,
it.

Don't speak of love,
until you are completely,
sure that it really is love
both ways. Sometimes
you might love someone
or be in love with someone,
who's never in love with you.
Star Gazer Jan 2017
Some days I just want to crawl back into bed
lay my head to rest on the pillow that comforts my cries.
I wear a disguise, the strong hearted, thick willed man
but a simple scan of who I am, proves I'm the opposite.
The optimist inside me is losing the battle, rattled
by heartbreak taunts and the gauntlet I once wore
and the pledges I swore held no real strength in guarding me.
The garden seed that was supposed to blossom and bloom
sits as seeds in a shaded room, aided by strong winds
and grinned at the sunlight admiring the caressing lights.
My heart alike, sat behind my ribcage admiring her smile,
admiring her eyes, admiring the thoughts she shared
and bonded pairs led to love but tonight it was different.
Not for a lack of interest but tonight I sat in bed crying
smiling at my pillow that soaked up my tears and comforted me.

Tonight I watched the stars hoping that she would watch them too,
hoping she knew how much I would have given to make her smile,
but the dying light is fading and sun up seems to be approaching fast.
My beating heart seems to beat on, but to what tune does it beat to now?
Star Gazer Jun 2016
We spend so much of our lives
Afraid to say the things
That we finally come to regret
And all the words become secrets
From the ears of those who
deserve every right to hear them.

I know I have spent most of my life
Afraid to say the things in my heart
So I let the words decay into shadows
Where they are hidden from the light.

If I could take every chance
To do things all over
I would tell myself to be less afraid
To keep my words out of the shade
Where they become mesmerised by
The light.
I would tell you that I love you
That you are the only one who has
my heart and that all the things
I'm afraid to say, I can say it
when I think about you
reflecting those same words
back to me.

At the start we were afraid
To say what was really in our hearts
And little did we know
That both our hearts felt the same.
Connected by one simple
yet complex word
Love.
I'm not afraid to say it anymore,
I love you.
Star Gazer Feb 2016
Silver armour defeating deafening silence,
Arrow heads impaling against metal,
He stood there withstanding the violence,
As war and gore on soil starts to settle.

Fatal finish for violence over words,
As the sound armour dings and rings,
The only noise the soldiers heard,
Were the sound of death, violence brings.

He was dressed like a soldier in battle,
But he had a gentle beating heart,
His mind never once did rattle,
When they used violence to tear him apart.

His words resonate in the soldiers soul,
'You don't have to use violence to fight,
And in this world being whole,
Means finding the bright light'.

"Violence is never the solution,
  It's a lesson that never changes,
  It should not belong to confucian,
  But then again humanity rarely changes"
Star Gazer Feb 2016
For when a bad day creeps in and you ***...
***....run? Get it?
Star Gazer Apr 2016
'She is dead', they tell me
Whether it's 10:03 or 12:03
She is always alive to me.

Though her world ended,
She survived
Forever alive
In my memories.

Though she remains forever 17,
She's still alive with me at 11:13
She's still alive with me at 12:13
She's still alive and forever a teen,
SHE'S STILL ALIVE......

SHE SURVIVED....
And SHE'S STILL ALIVE...
with me.
Star Gazer Apr 2016
If I see not tomorrow
Know that I lived today.
Star Gazer Jul 2016
Infected needles and beer bottles litter the ground,
back there where the city is a muted sound.
This is where they hide, sell, trade.
Trying to survive, dying to get paid.

Darkened by the shadows, untouched by light;
It is the playgrounds of fiends in the cold night;
Tainting the hearts of those trying to survive;
And there is no difference between dead or alive.

Rats and roaches call it their home,
to most of the city it remains unknown.
As soon as you step into this putrid black,
you'll know you've been snared in a perilous trap.

Those who enter might not ever return,
But it is the simple punishment incurred.
To those who dare step foot in this world,
Don't cast eyes on suffering stained pearls.

Where "don't come back without a G"
and "****** a gram for me?"
Turns into
"wait after *** for money"
and "here's a discount, my treat".
Star Gazer Feb 2016
I wrote those words scribbled in ink,
in hopes that its message did sink.
I wrote of how much I loved you,
And to this day it remains ever so true.
I wrote of how you meant the world to me,
From the blue sky to the deepest parts of the sea,
I wrote those words knowing that you were my world,
Of all the harm and pain, time and distance hurled,
We still found one another.
Star Gazer Apr 2016
A is for how AMAZING you are.
B is for how BEAUTIFUL your soul is.
C is for CARING like your heart of solid gold that is caring
D is for DIRECT like how your honesty makes you direct.
E is for how ELOQUENT your words are.
F is for how FANTASTIC you make me feel.
G is for the GRAVITY that pulls me towards you.
H is for HAPPY as in how you made me so happy.
I is for INDESCRIBABLE.... I don't know what to write.
J is for JOYFUL, in other words how you make me feel.
K is for KIND, you are the most kind-hearted person in this universe,
L is for LIFT, what you do to my spirits everyday.
M is for MUSICAL, as in how your soul sings a song.
N is for NATURAL, for the way I can talk to you so naturally.
O is for OPEN like how you make me feel so open towards you.
P is for PASSION, the thing inside you when you talk about your interest.
Q is for QUARTZ, as in how your soul is a gem like mineral.
R is for RAD as in your personality is rad.
S is for SORRY sorry for this piece......
T is for THANK as in thank you for entering my life
U is for UMBRELLA, no real reason just couldn't find a U word
V is for VIOLIN, you make me unafraid to admit my music experience.
W is for WONDERFUL as in your personality is wonderful
X is for X-RAY like how I'm not afraid to show you my inner thoughts.
Y is for YOU , you are, beautiful, amazing and it all starts with YOU.
Z is for ZEBRA, you see colour when others see black and white.

The ALPHABET is to show you that 26 letters is never enough to describe just how amazing you really are. Sadly there are only 26 letters in the alphabet , if there were 200000 I'm sure they still would not be enough to describe you. So I will describe you in four words.

KIND, AMAZING BEAUTIFUL,**AWESOME
Star Gazer Dec 2016
A million different people, but not one I could talk to,
this awful feeling must be what they call loneliness,
I need a warm shoulder for my skull to rest
but the mist of the mystery lies beyond me and myself.
I'm calling out for help, and the only voice I hear back
sneers back, "you are alone".

A million different people, but not one I could talk to,
A million different people, but my forked view could not
seem to spot the few.
Star Gazer May 2016
...And I knew it was bad
When I awoke to the hopes
That I have received a message
or even a missed call from you,
but call it foresight
for when I got out of bed,
I knew you would not be
by my side,
in my life,
near my arms,
in front of my eyes
and I knew you were fine with that.

...
But I wasn't...
Star Gazer Apr 2016
... And so I said 'I love you'
As you lay the same words
And so I wonder if it's true
As you lay the same words
Whether your 'I love you'
Means anything to you
As it means to me.
Star Gazer Feb 2016
I could paint you a picture,
Draw graphs and figures,
Send you a Facebook sticker,
And yet you'd still never understand.

I could give you my heart,
Tell you to tear it apart,
Tell you to just basically start,
And yet you'd still never understand.

I could give you numbers and stats,
I could ink it on myself as tats,
Send letters to you with homing bats,
And yet you'd still never understand.

I could give you a bouquet of roses,
Speak in poetry rather than proses,
Take photos of me in hundreds of poses,
And yet you'd still never understand.

I could etch it on my skin,
Build a castle of it in sand,
I'd mould it into my chin,
if only you would understand.
Star Gazer Apr 2016
I don't know whether you know it
But dear great artist and poet
You have made me smiled in ways
That leaves me in definite daze
Not for the minutes we talked
But rather for countless days.
I could tell you that your eyes
They are like the calming oceans
So serene yet so filled with emotions
That they seemed to be so pretty
on you, but that's just because
everything about you screams
pretty and beautiful.

'Just another girl' you tell me
But you are beyond breathtakingly
beautiful
not only for your looks
but for the unobservable,
your kindness, your raw artistic talent,
your chaos amidst all balance,
it's all simply summed into one word
Amazing.
One of my life's greatest pleasure
Was meeting you and knowing
That you will let me wear the title
of being 'your friend'.
Star Gazer Sep 2016
I held my breath just right
trying to figure out if I'm alive
until everything faded, just darkness
because your words
will only ever remain the harshest
and I'm forever reminded of you...
how you made me skip school
because I could tolerate dodgeballs
and projectile rocks...
...After all they are merely skin deep bruises
And the hatred produces
nothing but swelled bones and broken muscles
till everything was a struggle
But they are merely skin deep bruises...
It was not the dodgeballs that sent me crying
it was not the rock hurling that sent me home early
it was the poisonous ravenous tongue
that slithered on lies like it was at a skateboard rink
trying to drink the life and soul out of anything alive.
So you sent your fake condolences, your pity parties
made something 'arty' pretending that you were a friend
yet a fiend coated in a cloak of condescension
you've mentioned death by my ears enticing my every step
hoping that I fall to wreck and fail to ever stand tall, *****,
to be a pawn in your hands, your master plan
just holding back the tears as my palms push away
all your damaging words pretending that they never hurt.
I spent years and years rephrasing, repeating, remembering
'talk to the hand because the man isn't listening'
but the tears glisten in my eye sockets and though I
can convince myself I wasn't listening, I guess
I couldn't convince myself just enough...

You tore at me till there was nothing to tear at,
you prayed and preyed that I bit the dust,
hoping that there was nothing of me left,
and so...
I held my breath just right
trying to figure out if I'm alive...
because in that brief moment the only way to escape
was to remind you that 'there's nothing left,
you can't **** me today, or tomorrow,
because I have been nothing but dead'.

I held my breath just right
trying to figure out if I'm alive...
Turns out I did survive
And as I finish up this write,
I'd like to remind you
that you are all beautiful,
that you can survive
in the ways that I have
because the gentle touch of a rain
never cleanses the wounds
nor numbs the aching pain,
it merely reminds you
that there's another sunny day.
Star Gazer Dec 2016
I know I'm not supposed to feel upset but some reason I do
I knew that some days I will always feel this way, unreasonable
thoughts never seemed feasible, unspeakable words I've lost
like a cross marking the memories stained saying 'wrong'.

I thought I knew you and your history but I really didn't,
this isn't supposed to upset me but for some reason it does
enough to make me want to remind you of the great things
the singsong of the morning sunrise and everything bright.
The positive light. But it might not be all that bright right now.
My shoulder is yours and I will always lend you my ear
so hear me when I tell you "we are friends forever"
and nothing will sever our friendship.

Stay strong- I believe in you. I believe in how wonderful and magnificent you are.
Don't forget to smile
-Star Gazer
Star Gazer Feb 2016
Staring at my phone
As I hope I recieve a call
Afraid to die alone
I still stand proud and tall.

To think my fascination with her
Became so obsessive and absurd
I still remain the only person she deter
The blues sung by my heart, goes unheard

Nothing ever goes my way I believed
But yet i still cling onto hope.
My heart has been decieved
And I still look at life through a scope.
Star Gazer Apr 2016
Remember me, I gave you that pen?
I'm sorry.... What was your name again?
It's a name that's common so it's ok to forget
I guess an Eric, Peter or James is my best bet?
You know that pen? I bled my blood as ink
I took a carved bone as the tip, hence the pink
Wow, why didn't you keep it yourself then
Because I want you to feel me when you use that pen
That's rather disturbing, I think you need help
Oh well? Where am I suppose to find it, yelp?
No , a professional. Someone who's skilled enough
You don't get it do you, a pen is not just 'stuff'
I wanted to let you know that I would give my life
To see you write your thoughts without a strife
I want to be the sound of a pen against your paper
Or the beat of your heart that never tapers
I want you to know that I have loved you
And giving a part of me to you, seemed right to do*
GET AWAY FROM ME YOU ******* CREEP!
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