You're my pillars when I'm crumbling,
I regret to say I've never wanted you...
You're my clutch when I'm stumbling-
Over my regret of not letting our lips lock.

I hid behind a shadow like a lunar eclipse,
To afraid to say what lingers in my heart,
How I wanted nothing more than to steal a kiss,
But I hope we don't start to grow apart...

When I fess up to these feelings, to tell you
That I may have made a mess before,
But I hope this is where I start again, I like you-
And I hope I could redeem myself, as yours.

I'm only a figment of the man you never knew,
I've grown braver with you on my mind,
*I can say it with lips untouched that I like you
And I hope that you like me too.

I sit alone upon an empty room
I try not to think of what has happened here
nor think on breathless tombs
but the two have felt synonymous at times.
I remember the photos on my walls
those who sat with disgruntled smiles,
cherish-able moments before stars fall
for as soon as nights end, moments fade.
I feel a little out of place between the sheets
it's as though I've been caught in between rocks
as caverns open up to a light I can not see,
but I try to hide it all away in a smile.

I see her photo, lit by lights of my phone
I remind myself of all that I have yet to live
then I realise, I may never have to feel alone
as I glimmer with a tiny star-raising smile.

The dark rooms are still dark,
But I am no more less than alone.

It's ok...
Because I don't exist...

What good is an I love you,
If those exact same lips,
Spread the words to a
thousand others.

What good is an I need you,
If you have a split tongue,
That hisses lies and,
spits venom.

**What good is any of it?

This world is full of bad people,
We're living in an apocalypse film sequel,
So even when we pick out lesser evil,
We're all the same, still people,
Till we form death and still people,
People who aren't able to move yet are still people.

When he finally reached her eyes,
He crept and crawled into the night
until the darkness reached out to him,
And as a part of him faded before her,
She never realised, how broken
and how much falling he had done...

And he was too scared to fall once again,
In fear that the monsters caught up to him;
But he made his mind, and let the monsters
consume his soul.

Filled with complete glee
I was once stuck at sea
But I swam for shore
And now I am sure
That I can smile again.

It's been a while since a smile formed
It looks a bit messed up and deformed
But whatever, I'm finally able to be happy.

A few years ago
We were an item
Thinking that our
Love was a titan.

You'd call me an a-hole,
I'd call you my *****,
Our vocabulary wasn't
Exactly labelled rich.

I painted a portrait
Of an ex that was crazy
with the tainted ink of
heartbreak and immaturity.

You grew happier
And I grew bitter
Like the taste of a
lettuce that withers.

All of the hostility
Was my own ocean
Drowning deep denial
And inner emotions.

I have grown mature,
Since being with you,
Appreciated that skies
will forever remain blue.

I have found a special
Someone who makes me
Wish to be the best version
Of myself that I could be.

My sun, my moon, my stars,
That cluster of hopeful light
Providing me with comfort
And warmth in the night.

I write this poem to
acknowledge my mistakes
Of breaking bonds by
Brandishing heartbreak.

You were not the crazy ex
That I made you out to be
And for all I've said
I hope I could say, I'm sorry.

His eyes,
They pour a drink,
Dehydrating his pain.

His lips
They sing a song
Relaxing his brain.

His nose
They smell a scent
Of a searing stain.

His ears
They hear a whistle
As he fades in front a train.

And after all this time
My shoulders feel heavy
My chests still feels cold
The warmth of your body
has been missing since...

And after all this time
I can't help but wonder
if you had a wish upon
a burnt out falling star
would you wish to
never have met me
or would you wish
that even though
our worlds were full
that we weren't
feeling so empty.

We're like two glasses of water
Each a droplet spilt upon one another
Unaware of whether we're
our world os half empty
or the world is just half full.

She wakes, afraid of being alone.
She sleeps, entering a battlezone.

She walks, dragging along her feet
As though each step is just repeat.

She smiles, aching her own cheeks
To force a fake sign that things aren't bleak.

She lays in bed, afraid to fall asleep
Hoping each conscious breath will keep.

She falls asleep, shuddering from nights before,
Ears ringing of her friend calling her a *****.

She sleeps, entering a battlezone.
She wakes, afraid of being alone.

Out of all the chairs in the room, she sat next to mine,
She put her hand out and said "give me nine",
Thoughts raced through my mind,
Like "**** a pretty girl sending chills down my spine",
I looked at her fingers, there were nine,
So confused and shocked
at how our hands might interlock,
I told her "you have hands as beautiful like a rock",
Stupid line, I know, but there wasn't much time on the clock,
For she might be out the class and this might be our end.

I tried to fix my mistake,
Told her how I meant her hands,
Were like gemstones reflecting the beautiful sunrise,
And that at the moment it is all surmise,
the only way to really know is if she held my hand.
I looked at her hand she still had nine fingers,
I let the thought linger,
Asked her "what happened to your pinky finger",
She said " I made a pinky swear and then it got so rude I had to chop it",
She had a sense of humour,
Then popped right up, ***** was her pinky finger,
She was pretending this whole time.
I placed my hands over hers,
Wondering how any of this occurs,
She says "you're nervous, that means you think I'm hot",
......
       With mouth wide opened I exasperated,
"You're not hot, you're beautiful and that's all I've got",
falling back into silence,
she puts her arms around my neck and said,
"You're different, something different"....

I looked around the room,
Said "two eyes, two nostrils, two ears,
two hands",
she interrupted me and spoke,
"Please say two *****, I've always wanted to see one, I meant two",
....
Shocked I stopped speaking and said,
"We are all made different,
Saw our lives fall different,
We rise different,
We build things different,
Because we are all different"....

She says ,
"So you have two *****? I'm not hearing a no,
That's awesome!"....

Once, my eyes
The remnant of clear skies
I buried my soul behind my lines
And anger behind each rhyme.
I hid my tears behind storms
where rain cleansed blood of war
and separated the gold from the ore.

Now, my eyes
The colour of clear skies
Brought about by a beautiful sunrise
and a warmth exuded from the sun's shine.
I thank you for destroying the storms
and keeping me completely warm.

__
thank you

When I was younger,
I'd hated god for what I wasn't,
When I grew older,
I'd thanked god for what I was.

I vanished from the clique of bees,
Became the shallow end of seas,
Metamorphosed from a worm,
To a creature that never squirms.

I'd hated god for what I wasn't,
I wasn't ever attractive,
But as time passed and I aged,
It became all reductive.

I'd loved god for what I was,
I'd loved god for who I was.

Dear Me

I'm completely at peace with being alone
I love the direction my life is heading
I am a valuable person
I am in the memories of those who know me
I am lovable.

P.s Late april fools.
          
           Best regards Me

Upon inspection of my Economics readings
My face grew crimson with utter dread
Two hundreds pages completely unread.

I could write about a rose blossoming on manure
Rather than read a word about manure drowning a rose,
In other words I prefer to write about
A person ******* on society
Than read about society ******* on a person.

Treating the priceless as worthless
And the worthless polished as priceless.

If I had listened to how many times they said I couldn't run,
I would have walked my whole life step by step,
But I, trusting my own confidence believed,
That if superman could somehow leap,
I could run.

And

If I didn't run,
I would never had the chance to experience the summer sun,
Wind dashing through my hair so I had my hair in a bun,
The grass and sounds passing me oh the laughter and fun,
The dashing haste at the smell and the sound of the gun,
I did run.

For I will never let someone tell me what I can or can't do,
Because one day people will convince me the sky isn't blue,
And if I've been so used to listening to others, what choice but to subdue,
my own voice and my own opinions even if they were true...

I will never let someone tell me what I can or can't do...

Through an open field, from one end to another, I chose to run,
And even if I had a limp, a bad ankle or a weak stride, I chose to run,
So when the cloud poured hell on me and I slipped, I chose to run,
I could run....

                        Even when they said that I had weighed a tonne,
And anything whale size couldn't run,
                         I showed them that I could run,
And the light of the sun hitting my skin I knew I wasn't done.

I have walked, I have ran.....
                      And I plan to fly,
              Simply because I would be proving a lie,
That humans aren't ever meant to soar into the sky,
               To leap out of the shackles that is Earth and fly...

Cause even in my mind,
You're all that I want,
But a heart so unkind,
With your heartbreak taunt.

Flickering light, that sets mood to the night,
How thou kissed me with thy warm sight,
And thy tainted smile set alight the moon,
Emitting warmth from dusk till noon,
But thou is just a figment of mine mind,
Oh how thy disappearance so unkind,
A temporary trance of colour and heat,
May rise to the sky or fall at mine feet.
will-o'-the-wisp whisk mine soul away,
To where thy light shines all day.

Clothes hanger on the floor coated in blood,
It was the culture, the traditions,
Emotions and tears on the face did flood,
Simply based on pure premonition.

A mother's mentality subjugated,
To select between disappearance and remaining.
They claim that existence wasn't ill fated,
But no one choice absolute from mental feigning.

Life is for the taking, prior to taking is life,
This tradition has kept mothers from uncertain strife.

You're only half an hour away,
I would send you ten flowers a day,
Only if that half hour minimised,
To an almost unseeable size,
So I can feel you the way you feel me...

I only saw you two days ago,
But something feels amiss,
Because even though,
You're close, you're someone I still miss.

Even though the word friend,
Half contains the word end,
I know that as we are right now,
We won't ever end.

I have to thank you for that.

It's hard to see
When you're six feet
Under dirt
It's harder to see
When you're so close
To getting hurt.

It's hard to see
When your walls are
Made of steel
It's harder to see
When you're trying
Not to feel.

The world gave me this image
I've tried my best to live in it
Live in shadows of the popular
As though only good I can see
From myself are through binoculars.

The world gave me this image
I've tried my best to live in it
And I'm scared to ever be different.

The sun loved the moon
Hinted the moon of its sight
With a dying light.

If you were to ask me if I was really happy?
I would ask you, do bears **** in the woods?
I'd bear out my soul,
Tell you I'm feeling whole,
But one word will say it all,
****.

Now I smile a lot but it's a different smile,
Not a facade, a smile I haven't had in a while,
But they bearly notice,
It's all been so grisly,
But I will now bear out my soul,
And tell you that I am feeling whole.

Do bears **** in the woods?
GRAWWWW! Thats a bear noise,
Thank you for bearing with me,
But we bearly know each other,
So I just have to ask you one more question,
Do bears eat bearries?
Haha

There were days
when I could still see your tears
and pretended I didn't care,
pretended that it didn't bother me.

There were days
when I could see that you
struggled and slipped between
the cracks of all the different issues.

There were days
when I pretended I didn't know you
that I never ever knew you,
that I didn't care.

There were days
I hated myself more than ever
because I couldn't find it
in myself to not care about you.

I live in a spiders web:
a silver thread tightly tied
between my head and heart
only to ever be consumed
by a spider that lurks over
my body.

I live in a world:
known as Earth.

the podium
I took a step onto                        
my voice   s     a     i      g
                      h    k     n

and my heart PP OO UU NN DD II NN GG

The nerves kicked in,
My legs started weakening
  I slightly
                  fell lower
                           and lower.
I got back up however,
                         saw what I came to see
said what i had to say.

I walked
                down
                           the
                                  podium.

If you find a girl
With a beautiful smile
do not mask her in sadness.
You must cherish her
whole-heartedly, as God dictated
the way she should be adorned.

Do not try to cover her smile
for her makeup
has concealed herself enough.
If she coats herself in smiles
help her smile some more.

Do not attempt to mask her
as she already wears a mask.
Do not pick out her insecurities
in what her attire screams.
Teach her not of how to find happiness
as she already learnt to feign happiness.

They say when you feel
A certain way about someone
A song always seems to come along
And reflect your emotional state.
For you, that was a silly love song
By Sir Paul Mccartney.

My feelings for you
It's not quite big, not quite small
It's not quite short, not quite tall
It's just there
And to be fair
The world is a little better
A little more beautiful
A little more amazing
With silly love songs.

Her name was Lucy,
Folded paper planes
always chased pouring rains
just because she believed
that there's a rainbow awaiting.
She threw herself
into torrential turmoil,
ate apples that turned spoilt
because an apple a day
kept the doctors away.

She is now nineteen
and no matter how
many years it has been
she'd visit the same sights
visit the same scenes
waited for the storm
to clear up.

Her name was Lucy,
Folded paper planes,
threw them into the air
hoping that they'd reach space,
but she's come to realise
it's all a mistake.
Sometimes she waited for the storm
to end,
shelter and defend against the rain,
but sometimes,
she would question the rainbow;
and this brought upon more questions,
on whether angels were built
with halos
or whether angels merely bought them.

She told me once
'This isn't really living is it?
Chasing the pouring rain
hoping to find something
that will keep me sane.
Throwing paper planes
that fall to the ground
when the air is gone
and the two merely
washed away.'

Her name was Lucy,
Folded paper planes,
and she couldn't
ever understand
where her life was
supposed to begin.

So a reminder from me:
Fold your paper planes
let them soar
and keep them afloat,
because one day
they will guide you to
a rainbow.

The sunlight caresses my skin
                       Its warming touch
The stars light up my night
                       Its bright lustre
The smile hurts my cheeks
                       It's optimism
The feeling of joy sweeps over
                      With memories
With treasured thoughts alongside
                       **It's happiness

Monochromatic
Addict.
Black
Or
Blue.
Nothing
But
A
Coating
Of
Bla­ck
Or
Blue.
Sometimes a hint of only grey to finish.

And so he stood with his backs against the stars
Finally abandoning his lust for a bright light
He looks up to the skies
And there lies the brightest star he's ever witnessed
And once again he has fallen in love with the stars.
Temptation and addiction
What a cruel affliction.

The weight of the world is incomparable
To the weight of a single word.
We dare not think nor touch the word 'love',
For it has lifted souls and broken spirits.
As humans, we often fall in love
But never do rise in love, it is all rather strange.

Few say, it is the poisoned petalled prisons,
whereby roses of emotions flourish
with the pain and heartache, and that
love is a part of heartbreak and vice versa.
So we stem ourselves on a foundation,
That becomes afraid of love, yet find love
to be the most beautiful thing, we could ever
come to love and come to hate.

Pivoting on such a word, those who do not
Attempt to romanticise the notion.
Romanticise love, as those who often do, say,
Accept that love is evident and existent,
Dream of a world that dares to write of it,
Often, we fall out of love, but we grew to be
Xerophilous in regards to life of love.

7 Billion people and I'm truly alone
Walking through the land where the light touches
Being a sheep and following steps I've been shown
The moon my chains and the sun my crutches.

I am alone but never ever lonely
I watched what alcohol does to tired eyelids
The way you'd add if before you say only
Like if only a bed time was enough for kids.

I was certain it didn't just happen to me
It wasn't just me who fought tired red eyes
Replacing sleep with admiring a creepy tree
And filling heads with caffeinated lies.

We haggled over maybe ten to fifteen longer minutes
But shut out our minds and lives at night as we
fought sleep without realising we were already in it
and we embodied the likes of a calming blue sea.

I am now in my second decade,
And I'm starting to notice how things fade,
I have grown a darker shade,
Threw away the arm scarring sharp blade,
I guess it comes with age.
My second decade should start a new page,
Set lights on a new stage,
And I have learnt a lot in my twenties,
Than I did in my teenage years.

When I was a teenager,
I would listen to friends talk of ***,
From future girls to *** with the ex,
It was just an amalgamation of nonsense,
Because it always felt against my conscience,
I treasured something deeper,
I treasured love.

All my childish mind ended abrupt,
When I learnt of this beautiful thing "LOVE",
But in my twenties I learnt,
To never say "I love you" too easily,
Even if it may come ease to me,
Because without forethought it will hurt.
I learnt that love is as quite fleeting,
if it is not with the correct person,
But I also learnt that it's just
One step closer to the right person.
I started to embrace heartbreak,
Adored the idea of heartache,
Because it just meant I'm closer,
Closer to mrs Star Gazer.

In my twenties I had the company,
of my close friend for my first real heartbreak,
She somehow patched up the ache,
And made me laugh which is difficult for me.
She felt like a lifesaver,
Sweet candy to the heart,
Because I found myself feeling lost when we were apart,
But I have just recovered from a broken heart,
And there's still a cast surrounding that part,
But it's been healing....

It won't trust anyone other than her,
But if she's not the one,
I know that I will be thankful for her,
For I know I can trust someone.

Kind heart, listening ear and a sense of humour,
My days will never ever get any gloomer.

You're so busy lately, I miss your beautiful face.
I miss your adorable smile and how my heart skips it's pace.
It still beats in tandem but I still miss your voice,
I really wish we had more of a choice.
I miss everything about you and right now i feel lonely,
Even in company I still feel as thought I'm the one and only.

When will you not be busy?
When is later?
Is later still a timeframe in existence?

I held her hand as she wept salt seas
I stood in front to protect her from the bees
I let her break my heart into shattered pieces
I became her research project as she wrote her thesis
I allowed her to consume my every thought
I took the blame if she did wrong and got caught
But in all honesty, I must surely confess,
I treasured the world less and less
Saw beauty only in her
Even amidst the sight of wonders to occur
Because I just wanted her head on my chest
As she slowly lays to rest.

Between being found
And being lost,
I found myself lost.
It was loss after loss after loss,
People without a clue to the cost,
I went upon the big cross,
Praying that one day our paths would cross,
And that faces won't remain memories in gloss.
It was a constant scene of funerals and death,
Losing another person I refuse to accept,
But then time came and another person breathed his last breath,
I felt that was enough.
To never trust love,
Saw my skies down below and not above,
denounced my religious teaching,
Because while they were preaching,
I saw that prayers didn't work right away,
So I waited another day.

I took up religion again,
But it isn't exactly a pen,
You can't put it down and pick it up,
...
That's where I am in question,
Always in constant obsession,
Of whether there is hell or heaven.

Words are invisible like
***** and *****
Until they are
shown in a black light,
Known as action

When it was my turn to speak,
Teachers would say I spoke out of turn,
Waiting for them to finally return,
I had already forgotten what I wanted to say.
When I tried to spread my thoughts,
I was always caught,
Detention numbers rose,
Because I spoke in poem rather than prose.
Silencing my thoughts with authority,
I stopped thinking like me.

The only thing they taught,
Were all in facts and figures,
Charts and graphs,
From colleges to career paths,
None of which spoke to how I felt,
All the criticism I've been dealt,
And how I'm an iceberg about to melt.

I was made to belong,
I even listened to different songs,
I listened to Katy Perry,
Don't get me wrong,
She's the taste of a chapstick made from cherry,
But she didn't exactly speak to me,
From a different time, a different genre,
Preferred to have paid for a non encore,
Then to have continued on.

When I didn't belong,
I sat on a staircase,
Isolated from playing chase,
Hands to my face,
To cover the tears,
Saying it's just lemonade,
That i had spilt it somehow.