I knew a girl once
Pure to the pinch of a petal
But lust filled fiends found her
Unfazed to the thought of intimacy
and so distorted intimacy to twisted turns
claiming her sweet nectar as she lay unawake.

I knew a girl once
Pure to the pinch of a petal... no more.
...
Pure to the pinch of a petal;
the twisted turns did burn
and the ashes and embers cast away
into the winds as though no fault to find,
I knew a girl once
who knew of the world;
I knew a girl once
who knew of the future;
I knew a girl once
who smiled a slanted smile;
I knew a girl once
...But not anymore, do I know her.

May god find her the peace she never found.

We mask the pain we feel
With bottles and pills
Smudged all blue to teal
as we coated the sadness.

We lose ourselves in the process of masking ourselves
Because
Every now and then you wake up as someone else,
And
That someone might be someone you hate
Or
Someone you could never recognise
Until
You finally lose yourself
And
Forget who you really are.

An archer has bows and arrows,
A warrior has swords and shields,
A gunman has a gun,
A human, can have all these things,
coated in the gentle kindness
of a human heart.

He looks at me and with a wink
Suggests "why don't we study biology?"
I looked back at him and with a wink,
"Maybe study our chemistry?"
...
   ...
       ...
           Across the room a boy says
"Yall in the wrong class, this is calc"
...
   ...
      ...
He looks at me with a wink and says,
"Want to derive our equations?"
I looked at him with a wink,
"Want to see the gradient of our tangents?"
...
   ...
       ...
The boy speaks again,
       "I think you two were made for each other. Now go into Theology classes and determine whether that's true."

For when a bad day creeps in and you ***...

The stones whereat, in vision, I see,
The courting cries of cicadas,
Are scorns, and all thy noise,
trifled from astray of honesty.

Thine eyes, a testament of beauty
That dilapidate upon
O'! Stars! thy's hissing word
Like Odysseus' deadly deceit.

Thy heart, once purest gold
Untainted by the world
Hath become stained
To mark, a smudge, a scar.

To ---

I know not of worth and value
     Nor can I hold my place in your world.
That honesty and truth is surrendered
    In the wakes of a single lie.
I applaud those who never lead astray
But you my dear, have stained my conscience
Of love and trust

I was moulded into who I am,
A fake exteriorior, I was a scam,
I ate rugged food like lamb,
Because I am a man.
I am a man,
That's why I take the blame,
For all wrongs, it's the same,
I am the one to hold my head in shame,
Because I am a man.
I hold my tough exterior,
When I feel inferior,
I let the world see I'm a warrior,
And not a worrier.

But

I never felt like a man,
I held myself in bathroom stalls,
Cried myself on bathroom floors,
Like tears of the shores,
which form the beaches.
Of all the strength that I preach,
I could never ever beseech
For help,
Because I am a man.

An outdated notion of man,
Now I look around and know I can,
I no longer hide in bathrooms,
Encasing myself like I'm in tombs,
For when I decay in my own tears,
I leave myself open to the worlds' ears,
I no longer hide to cry,
Because I am a man.

I take the same blame,
Playing the same game,
Not because I'm taught or tamed,
It was because if I didn't fess to it,
So as a man,
It is only natural for me to say
Sorry,
A million times.

I have been following the stars for far too long
Running in the direction of the stars when it dims
Alongside a highway of cars that'll get to places faster
And I'm still playing a game of would you rather
With every option I would rather not.

I am not concerned whether you're in a constellation
Whether unity was in complete copacetic
For you see, I am not a star but a mortal
And I can not join a constellation.
So take it as it is, but I am asking
Out of the kindness and care that lurks in my heart
Not to determine whether constellations are aligned.

I told a friend of mine
'You have a moustache'
I was told that was rude
She forgave me.

I told a friend of mine
'You look very pretty'
I was told that was mean
She forgave me.

I told a friend of mine
'I think you're cool'
I was told that was lame
She forgave me.

While flailing my arms
I brushed her breast
I was told that was bad
She forgave me.

While regaining my balance
I fell over and knocked her over
I was told that hurt her
She forgave me.

I looked to the stars
Told her it reminded me of her
She said 'it was nice'
But she never forgave me.

She became one with soil
As boxes became her home
Unable to think outside the box
And for this I forgave her

We haven't talked in a while...
And to my strange surprise
I still wonder why I still see her in night skies,
Wonder why her face still emanate
In the shimmering shining stars.
I miss you....

You stumble out a dry cleaners
Or a 24-7 convenience store
And with your weapon of choice
You brandish and challenge
The chains of the legal system
For a little profit or as you deem
Method of survival.

Somewhere between buying a gun
Finding a gun, or owning a gun
You forgot what it was like
To be a caring brother,
To be a worrying father,
To be a loving mother,
To be an innocent sister,
And when you finally,
Look the eyes of the
about to be soulless,
As you let off alarms,
That ring more than just pain
And blood,
But rings of
your own
guilty conscience,
And heartache for the victim,
You have forgotten what it's like
To be a part of humanity.

I don’t think love is about changing or saving a person, I think it’s about finding someone who’s already the right fit.

                 -Arrow (John Diggle)

I have had experience with death,
Ever since I was a kid.
When my father drew his last breath,
Things became ****.

Mother explained that death is like mash potato,
Once you mash a potato there's no return,
And that would be the pulling of the curtain,
No show left.
That is like death, a person breaking beyond,
Coming back together.

Every now and then instead of feeling blue or sad,
Or even lonely,
I would feel like mashed potatoes,
And that's the best way I would sugar coat,
Feeling broken beyond pieces,
Beyond repair...

Why are you lying there? Get out of the road!
You're a metal that won't ever corrode,
Why are you just lying there? GET THE **** UP.
There comes a time when ENOUGH IS ******* ENOUGH.
Stop lying there, a car will ******* crush you,
AND YOU WILL ******* SEE RED, NOT BLUE.
WHY ARE YOU LYING THERE? GET OUT
STOP MAKING ME HAVE TO SHOUT,
JUST SAVE YOURSELF, HELP YOURSELF.
YOU ARE NOT A METAL THAT WILL CORRODE,
YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT SO GET OFF THE ******* ROAD.

Whether you're seeing things different
Or you're just being different
Don't ever forget to let the light glisten
And light the candles of hopes and dreams.
Breathe. One. Two. Three. Go.
Set the scene.
The future is unforgiving
And the story has yet to be written
So challenge the norms
Stand up against the storms
And set the scene.
Breathe. One. Two. Three. Go

I was like you once
Held a frown
That stretched further
And further beyond
The reaches of hell.
I was like you once
Saw darkened spots
Within the sun
And treasured
The shade beyond
The radiant beams.
I was like you once
Saw shattered dreams
And complimented
Their perfect
Resemblance to
The dreams of those
Who actually gave
A ****.
I was like you once
Dying from the inside.

I am not like you now
For an artist had
Painted colours into
my life,
An artist has painted
Beauty and scenery,
An artist has challenged
My mindset,
To break away from heart
Aches and breaks,
To allow me to see
That after every storm
After every droplet
Of water from the sky,
Is a rainbow.
An artist who made
My frown
Turn to a straight
Expression
Then to a smile.

They chant "keep fighting"
As sparks started to ignite
I figured I was in a trance
Filled with heavy breaths and pants
They yell "keep fighting"
But I decide to ignore them.
Letting go of the screams and yells
Releasing their surly bonds over my soul
I stopped fighting
And let the demons walked right in.

Now I walk around with demons in my mind
And they darken whatever part did once shined.

Crimes do not exist solely on Earth.
They are also seen on Heaven.
No matter how many times you go to church.
Bearing any one of the seven.

God weeps for you, weeps for change.
Although you do not see the tears and care.
And although you might think it's strange.
God has made the world filled with air.

All for a reason , for you.

Faint echoes of applause
As the day approaches a close
Darting a death stare to the sound
As the casket gets lowered to the ground.

I was too emotional exhausted to exchange punches
And the memories of our late night 2 a.m lunches
Flooded my crimson teary eyes
As I hid my tears by looking at the skies.

I should have fought for you or at least with you
Way before my days became stained with a permanent blue
And there are no do overs so I can't relive it again
And for you sweetheart I dedicate my tear stained pen.

Next time write me a message and I'll fight for you
I've left a felt-tip pen buried next to you.
You use to make the ***** jokes of the felt and tip
Write a to-do list and I promise, not one item skipped

They chose suicide,
With belief that somehow it soothe inside,
For when the grass turned blue,
They had no idea of what else to do.
A feeling that nothing mattered and it was a waste of time,
Laying lines after lines of sadness upon their arms,
Until they finally did themselves harm.
The people who walked a road alone,
Or seemingly alone,
Saw friends as strangers,
And family as dangers.

I had a friend,
A close friend,
Almost a best friend.
Sadly this friend chose the bitter end,
Tormented by names the other kids called her,
From man to other names regarding her masculinity,
The edged blades of brutality,
That rained upon her soul,
And no matter how much time I spent with her, she still has a hole.

I visit her once in a while now,
We'd talk through different realms somehow,
She'd reply in silence,
But i know she would have said something like
'look up to the sky dilweed, theres so much to see. Look at the ******* clouds, look at the sun it shines for you you *******'.
The way she'd berate me but in warm gesture,
I will always remember the one thing she said to me,
'The path you pave is yours to walk, be it alone with a friend, it will always be your path. What matters is you get your ******* *** of the couch and walk that path you lazy ***".

How does suicide.....
soothe a person's inside.
Does her heart and soul,
Finally feel peace as a whole?

One uneventful night I had a dream,
A breed of the creatures that no longer roam the Earth,
A tragicasaurus was what it called itself.

It spoke in a mixture of growls and english,
I was mesmerised by this moment and wanted a selfie,
I reached for my phone but it was missing.

A mixture of panic and fear set in over my body,
And the dinosaur forever remained a figment,
Of my imagination.

If I could capture every one of my dreams,
It would contain only photos of you,
And that would be the most exhilarating,
Most beautiful collection of photos in existence.

If the last year has taught me anything
Its that love is all about correct timing
That love is a beautiful emotion
Comparable to the grandest ocean.
Love is more than just timing though
It's not a tale to tell but a way to show
That there are empty 'I love yous'
Which only ever come into view
When things start turning more sour
Slowly and surely, hour by hour.

If the last year has taught me anything
It's that if it's with the right one
It takes more than just timing
To keep the feeling of love from being gone.

Thank you for teaching me this lesson.

I could simply tell you that I love you
But I would feel that that's not enough
You deserve a complete beautiful view
For you've already shared your beauty.

You are a gem amongst common pebbles
Minstrels sang songs of your radiance
But even they could not match your treble
For a beautiful voice from the most beautiful girl

I love you more than you could imagine
Maybe it's strange to you and unbelievable
And although there's parts you can't fathom
I do love you whole heartedly with all I am.

           Babe, I love you.

Upon resting in bed with a girl,
I asked her 'do you want to spoon?'
She gives of a shocked face and says,
'Fork no'.
I looked at her with a smile
And mumbled 'that's not very knife of you'...

Come dinner that day,
I broke a dinner plate and decided it was funny to say,
' dish is a dishaster'....

I haven't talked to her ever since.

Thank you for helping me with your wisdom
To rescue me from this monstrous cataclysm
Your kind words rescued me from an abyss
And nothing you say is ever amiss.
I don't know what I could do to repay you
For dabbing red in the patches of blue.
Thank you Ana, for your kind words,
I want to let you know they are heard
And that I really appreciate you.

They say it takes an eternity to learn of love
Another eternity to comprehend what it is
And another eternity to be able to cherish it.
However
With you I found love in a second
Which leaves me all eternity to
love you and to cherish you.

14 was the year of my first crush,
It was so brand new , a new rush,
Confusing admiration for love,
I went around spouting lies,
Of how I fell in love with that girl,
A girl who never knew I existed,
Perishing the feelings, I resisted,
Never gave her the chance to ever find out,
Who I was.

17, witnessing my enemies get demolished,
Studying hard aiming for scholarship,
Overlooked on myself and things I haven't polished yet.
My first girlfriend and I ended,
Way beyond anything that could be mended,
It wasn't cheating nor lust,
just,
a lack of respect for me,
And no matter how much I worshipped her,
She threw coffee in my face....in public.

18 and I'm still not found out,
Mind still somehow clouded with doubt,
As though I'm a teapot without a spout,
Unsure of what remains my true purpose,
Maybe this is a blessing or a curse,

19, I recovered from my first breakup,
Had a crushing sensation that I've had enough,
Of love and trust , almost given up,
But the feeling ends abrupt,
When I witnessed my mother married.
I reached for my phone, hurriedly,
called my ex to see if she's married,
She wasn't.
Stumbled on a revelation,
That my best friend of ten years is dating my ex,
Felt an intangible relegation,
As though I've been pushed into segregation,
Day dawns spent in complete isolation,
Because amongst losing love,
I felt I almost had enough.

20, I found solace in submitting spoken thoughts,
Between finding peace and skill I was caught.
Afflicted with my own self,
I ventured to get help,
In the form of poetry.
I developed a crush for my close friend,
Because where the horizon ends,
I saw her and me holding hand at the end.
I strayed from the path of mutual attraction,
To explore myself and realised,
That although we went to the same school,
We spoke of the same things, lived by the same rules,
We would never work,
To afraid of the hurt I might cause her,
I said there has to be other paths we prefer,
I gave her up like I gave up drinking.
We remained close friends to this day.

21, will be the year that I graduate,
University is over for me,
Busy schedule cleansed up,
Finally able to say I've had enough.
Hanging out with my close friend more,
Because we always had open doors,
To our separate lives.
Hopefully I,
Find a girl that I could feel infatuated,
Set sail into a world so saturated,
Because 21....
is what I make of it.

Being a brother means
Checking for the monsters under the bed
And not becoming the monsters.

Being a brother means
Being the one to chase away the nightmares
And not be the cause of the nightmares.

Today I stand on my two feet as an older brother.

People said 'days end, when nights come'
and the same happens for the morning sun,
But lately I've got them all confused,
I don't know if I'm staring at stars
Or watching the headlights of cars;
I don't know if I'm glancing at the moon
Or whether I'm walking through a zoo.
I've been sitting on fences picketing the news;
And I'm still blind despite all the clues.

In the final moment
Although her eyes weren't open
Her smile was never broken
Just somehow, somewhat missing
And in my fading vision;
I saw her smile return;
Completely embraced by life.

I've witnessed myself drunk before;
When for was used before the word ever,
Where forever could never be severed
And the bottles weren't mixed with tears.
I remember drinking myself silly;
people said 'alcohol removes your fears'
and the same happens for my peers...
But I did not grow the least bit braver
In a hailstorm of battles that could
only ever be won by giving up.

I saw the universe in your eyes,
And I watched the universe burn
Along with everything in it.
People said 'days end, when nights come'
and the same happens for the morning sun...
But for me;
days don't end, nights don't end
The curtain draw was not closer
And though I can be sober,
I was drunk on the starlight;
more than I was sober by the sunlight;
the days don't end, nights don't end
when I have to live without my best friend.

Last year a girl broke my heart, I wore a mask and a facade.
In retrospect my ribcage wasn't my heart's safest guard.
I fell, crashed, plummeted into the pavement hard.
We went from locking eyes like lovers, then everything changes,
and we started locking eyes like complete strangers.
Now if I could express this in front of my guy friends
and rather sit in a pool of emotional fiction and pretence
It would have saved for a lot of hidden and unspoken anguish;
So please I beg you to understand, and excuse my language:
but **** SOCIETY!

The critics casting judgement, I haven't even been dressed yet,
Judging books by the cover at go and ignoring the get set,
You've never taken the time to get ready to know people
but you rush to the finish line and deemed those left behind, 'evil'.
You saw shades of colour in the same way you did a tree,
your heart learnt to love only what your eyes can see,
you saw the skin colours and focused on the image,
glanced at the cover, read the blurb and chose to never finish.
You critics casted judgement on a man and his husband,
Disgusted in the same way of hearing about two cousins,
I don't really dress for you, so don't worry about what I'm wearing;
So please I beg you to understand and excuse my swearing
but **** SOCIETY!

I've been on online bulletin boards, anonymous boards,
To alleviate the general sensation of just feeling bored,
But I took a wrong turn, landed in a place where hatred roamed,
And I know that I did not take this wrong turn alone.
I have seen your type, cheer on **** as though it was a competition
sprawling all over 'how she deserved it' , each sentence was wicked.
I have seen your type; type away paragraphs calling a minor: a ****,
and I do not know if you suffer from the pain we feel but words cut,
they cause an internal bleeding that drowns out the flame and life
inside of us, and when we chose to relax and go online to peruse at night,
you are there; with your taunting terror, laughing at the disabled,
laughing from a monitor screen, bits of bytes and data from a cable;
and every second of our lives, we would have to be stuck with you.
You speak of knowing our hurt, mocking our pain as if it was true,
And I pity those who found tall buildings, and harming themselves
before they could ever reach out to find any sort of help.
I'm sorry, I had a major fall earlier, and I may have a concussion
So please  I beg you to understand and excuse my cussing:
but **** SOCIETY!

Truthfully speaking, ******* society!
What the **** have you done for me?

You are the sunshine that seeps through drawn curtains
A bright warm sensation that creates clarity of the uncertain
You make me smile in ways I never knew I could smile
And although we have only known each other awhile
You are a breeze of cold wind on a burning summers day
With each breath of word echoes an elimination of dismay
So to think I would be so lucky to have ever met you
And diverged from black and white to different hues.

I have never met anyone as amazing and as beautiful as you,
anyone as smart, as talented, as comforting and as kind as you.

Watch how the sky twists
From clear blue to complete grey
Bringing hell on Earth.

Walking on lone walks
Reminiscing on the past
As skies start to rain.

Rain leaks from my eyes
The birds fly back to their nests
As I become lost.

Breathing is a chore
Existing where things will die
Praying for blue skies.

Blue skies that never
Seem to ever reappear,
Life is a hassle.

I leapt, upon thy silhouette,
At first glanced of a shadow
Sprung life into mine feet
While fingers slip to let go.

Cursed cacophony of mine
Sung beauty with tragic
And healed hurting hearts
With orderly havoc.

Thy presence lurks around
Like a wraith's touch
But mine heart haunted by
The ghost of love lost, just as much.

I imagined your eyes
a million different times;
I remember seeing stars
within each and every stare
But now I can't recant the thought,
Universes may sometimes implode
The same way a hurting heart
keeps the heartbeats on hold;
And sometimes muffled long enough
You'll realise the screaming silence
is a sign that 'you no longer love'.
For some it is sadness, some it is joyous;
But for me, it is closure.

I imagined your eyes
a million different times;
and I'm glad I got to see
all that was stored behind
the blue sky you had for eyes.
Our chapter was never mine,
It had been yours all along
And with memories tarnished and gone,
I can only do so much as to say thank you.

I can hear the bells ringing
The eulogy I've been awaiting
I can hear the choir singing
And the tales of my end circulating.

I can hear it all
But confined in this box
Unable to do anything
And the door locks.

Darkness is back
Nothing left but dirt and soil
Everything is black
And I have gained no mortal spoils.

A friend once told me that after a breakup,
You just need to be strong and say "enough",
But how could I do that...
    When they make me feel so weak....
made my heart beat in tandem,
       ran through my mind in random,
Made my knees weak.....

But I somehow grew strong.
       I am the Hulk.
I am the incredible Hulk.
                    I don't need someone
Who never needed me.
That's the cycle of life.