For a species that I love so much,
they just can't seem to hate enough.
But I won't quit,
I'm not a quitter--
this withered heart
will never bitter.
I'd rather live with love and pain,
than get the chance to say I'm sane.

I couldn't keep my sanity,
while studying humanity.
At least that's the excuse I make
when episodes are hard to take.

I never had, I think,
the chance--
I swear I'd blink and
sounds would swirl inside my ears.
Paranoia induced tears but
I've been watching people lately,
wondering just what is 'crazy'?

Sometimes I think it's not just me,
they too can't find reality.
But even more they waste their lives,
while I sit back and cherish  mine.
Ignore each other and poke at screens--
do they wonder what life means?
I do.
Constantly.
And maybe that is why I'm me,
and me.

...And I knew it was bad
When I awoke to the hopes
That I have received a message
or even a missed call from you,
but call it foresight
for when I got out of bed,
I knew you would not be
by my side,
in my life,
near my arms,
in front of my eyes
and I knew you were fine with that.

...
But I wasn't...

I wish I was sober.
I'm stumbling,
Falling,breaking
and my path
has been one of
crooked winding roads.
I wish I was sober,
and not a man
who is drunk
by the search
of love.
Hoping that love
can ease my pain
heal my wounds
erase my flaws
embrace my strengths
and fix my broken bits.

I do not love you as if to own you in chains,
I seek not to possess nor capture your heart,
I chose to love you with my being and heart,
No matter what that entails.

And if letting you go to the man you dream of,
Then I will always let loose the lines that connect
me to you.
Just to see you smile.
I wonder how many ways I can say I love you,
But now I wonder not
For I have found I need not show you my love
As I only want to see you happy.

So I wait for your words like
an unopened book.
till you message me again,
and talk to me.
Till then, my heart remains silent.

But I love your smile
only because they lit the night,
sparkled like candles, twinkled like stars,
until they guided me,
to you.