There are things to lose
But so much more to gain
Dear God help me to see
The value beneath the pain
This person's heart is so
Precious and invaluable
Don't let me lose it in my own grief
And let me know her hurt also makes her lovable...

If death is the absence of life,
Where does life go?

A lost memory that cannot be found
A distant, forgotten, pitiful sound
A trail one traveled a path once walked
A frozen heart forever locked
And here is where I unfold my tale;
Here is where the story begins

A cold clear morn early in December
In perfect detail I can remember
The terror and fright with which I was met
The horrific sight, I’ll never ever forget
The crimson highlight in the snow
What have I done, what has become?

I fall to my hands, I fall on my knees
All the better if here, I were to freeze
The tragedy brought about by my hands
Life is such a delicate thread; frail strands
Where did I begin, why did it end?
Slowly, across my face, a smile stretches

What is happening—what have I become?
How did my heart and mind become so numb?
Had I found this sight not too long ago
It would have frozen me, cold as this snow
Who did this? Was it my fault?
There she lies frozen in death

I get off on the music
And you get off too
It may seem twisted and sick
But it’s what we do
Thrashing wildly to the beat
A dark dance never meant to be
Feel the rising, rising heat
Vision fades nothing left to see
Darkness and pleasure
Everywhere

Her eyes are soft they are ever so bright
What have I done to have fallen from grace?
So far away from her amazing gaze
A longest drive; a far journey of flight
Look up in the sky—stars in the dark night
In the faintest lights sparkling in deep space
Is written her name, time will not erase
Dancing stars; how she looks down in delight
We may not be near my sweet firefly
But the day grows nearer until we meet
See each other once again; hold you close
Look up see we share the same blue sky
Not as far apart as we feel my sweet
Eagerly awaiting my love, to propose

Once there was a little firefly
Who danced and sang for her favorite sky
She loved him dear, he loved her deep
And when his firefly fell asleep
He wrote a song a poem to her,
The only one who inspired and made his heart stir
It was not fancy, no not a bit
If anything he thought it pathetic
He knew his lady firefly was worth much more
Than all the words he had in store
But he could not simply sit in quiet
Because she made a heart soar, that could not fly yet
So as she slept, he gave them to her
His words so plain, his intentions so pure
He wrote to his love knowing she'd see it next morning
And he just went on and on adoring
The beautiful gift god gave to the sky
His lovely, his perfect, my dear firefly...

Hot, hot shower, in a dark steamy room
Not gonna lie baby, I wish you'd been there too

I find myself in this heated room once again,
The vanilla sunrise through the window...let the fun begin
The steam lingers in the air, the water on my skin
Oh lovely, how I wish, I only wish it had been-
You bedside me
Water cascading
Over your body
Do I wash you up, or down?
Beauty in sexuality can be found
Maybe the mood's just getting to me
Maybe the temp's messing with my head
One day, this pleasure will be
Until then the fantasy's fed

Oh the running water is so hot
But I know you know that it is not
As hot as you would be with my loving next to you,
Will you let me do all the things I want to do,
All the naughty pleasures in my head?
"Don't worry," I whisper. "They don't all take place in bed..."

Anything, love, you want to devour,
As we take this hot, hot shower...?

Do you know the sting of air, on skin?
When now there's a scar where there was perfection?

You are white because you are pure, and my perfect
You are black because you are my greatest mystery
You are red because you are passion and seduction
You are yellow because you are radiance
You are blue because you are gentle and kind
But you are purple because you are powerful
You are green because you are life giving
And orange for your stubbornness
You are pink because you are love
And gray because you are steadfast
You, my love, are color to me
You are everything that I see

A little sadness of the soul
Helps keep a tattered heart whole...

Inside every man, no matter the age
There's a boy with fears, and a spirit adventurous
Inside every girl, not matter the age
There's a mother, tender, loving, gentleness

And in a life
Where two people are one
Perhaps the greatest part
Is in strife
Breaking yourself on stone
So that the other half a heart
Is upheld

dying on the inside
idle on the out
Riot, riot, fireside
Life goes on about

I’m here but you don’t know it
I’m near but you don’t know it yet
Am I queer? For pursuing you so closely
If you saw me would you fear our closeness?
I think it’s clear, I have something to hide
But Darling Dear, Don’t be scared, I won’t hurt you
Don’t shed a tear…

I'm getting back up
You can't keep me down

I know those eyes--I know his heart
They're burning burning burning
Entranced I stare, entranced I stay
My madness has gone its own way

“One step forward three steps back”
What I wouldn’t give to be walking that pace
That term is highly relative and depends entirely
On the direction with which you face
I’m turned around, and marching the wrong way
Those meaningless idioms they all like to say
I simply scoff and keep walking full bore
In the wrong direction

I could make your choice easier
I don't really feel like being "one of two"
It wouldn't be fun, but all the easier
Because I can't wait for you to decide "who"

What is this pain, what is this hole?
I think I'll wander through for a while

I can still smell your hair
Feel your hand in mine
Your cheek on the back of my fingers
Your forehead on my lips
Your head against my chest
My arms around you, and yours around me
Your gentle breathing
Still hear your lovely voice
See your shimmering eyes
Your special smile
Your rounded chin
Soft lips
Sturdy neck
Feel your delicate fingers
Your running palms
Your elbows; arms and wrists
Your beautiful perfect wrists...
Your waist in my hands
Your chest pressed against mine
Your sloping shoulders
The backs of your hands
Your hair, nails and teeth
Your reassuring voice, singing to my soul
Your comforting eyes, looking deep into mine
I can still see you standing there
In the rain
Heartbroken
Alone...
My Love I'm sorry for leaving
But I can still feel my heart close to yours
All close
For always and ever

Do you remember when we met? I was in a terribly bad mood
Everyone thought I was being  funny, I was really just being rude
You asked what my name was though, not once, but twice
I hadn’t answered; a very simple but efficient device
A way to get most people to leave me alone; cause no one cares
But you didn’t let it slide, you wanted to know and made me aware

I want, oh how I need to run away
I used to have this lovely place
A place I could safely stay

But now I feel such a disgrace
I don't have this sanctuary anymore
It's a sadness I cannot begin to face

I used to bear the key to the door
And I could slip inside when in need
But now the threshold's gone; the horror

I have the energy, and oh what speed!
But I don't even have a faint clue
Where I should go, to where I could flee

I remain frozen, oblivious as to
What I could do, where I could run
I cry in silence. Paralyzed solitude

I desire to be strong
But I am merely a blade of grass
Bent and broken by the rain

I’m sorry I needed to hear you say it. I’m sorry I was so needy, so desperate to hear you tell me to my face. I’m sorry I wouldn’t let go until you did. But I’ve changed. I know how to take a hint. I won’t bother you anymore. I won’t keep dragging you down, hurting you, taking you to dark places you don’t want to be. I’ll listen to what you’re really saying instead of requiring you to tell me. I’ll read what I’ve been seeing between the lines for a long time, but tried so hard to ignore, simply because I didn’t want it to be true. I know you’re done with me. I’m completely used up. You have no more need for me. I knew it for a long time, but had to hear you say it before I would release you. I know that’s a hard thing to say to anyone, even after you’re finished with them, so I’m done waiting for you, expecting you to. You’re free. Free from me, free from my *******, free from my hurtful abusive captivity. I won’t hurt you anymore.

My dear, my sweet, my little glob of glue
Princess, warrior, and Firefly too
I love you

Sometimes, to break is nothing but pain
But even when we don’t see it, there is something to claim

“Whatever doesn't **** you makes you stronger”
But pain doesn't always toughen us, and make life last longer

There are the times though, we destroy ourselves with reason
And we know we’ll come through the fire unbeaten

Nothing can be made bigger, made more powerful
Without a little destruction; truth can be sorrowful

The times when we willingly subjectify ourselves though
Feel the best, we know what we’re doing—reaping the glory we sow

We all desire strength, power and might
We all want to be stunning, beautiful of sight

We think the ways we build ourselves up, are what pretty us the most
And give little attention, to life’s trials and complications; they’re nothing to boast

But those are where we find our strength; withstanding the tempest
Screaming our passion, unmoving, fighting, holding fast

It is the pain we endure, that we often try to ignore
The brutality, the violence, the blood sweat and gore

But the cruelty of life, all the things you've battled through
That’s what makes you beautiful…this is why I love you

Stay strong, Life's a fight
But I'll go through it by your side

You want me to write you poems
This is all I have to say
I'm so proud of who you are
With each advancing day
You make me proud you give me joy
You are my bestest friend
I will stay by you for always and ever
Past and beyond every single end
Your beauty inspires me so endlessly
Your heart--intimate fashion
You wear your soul so wonderfully
You have my supply of passion

When we can stand and fight
We can grasp true strength despite
The weakness in our hearts and sins within our minds
We know all it takes is time
To heal all wounds and strengthen our defenses

You are what a friend is
The embodiment of companionship
Why do you think you're my shipmate?
It wasn't an accident or a coin flip

You are what a friend should be
Faithful and honest, true and kind
Sometime you put my own efforts to shame
I was graciously given who I would never find

You are who a friend is
Steadfast and helpful, generous and sweet
You are so distinct, so precious and unique
You are mine alone, from head to feet

You are the basis for all friendship
You are an example of what everyone needs
But you are not, my love, for everyone
You are just the one for me

You say you are a friend
A friend until the end
I cannot comprehend
How you can just pretend
To so earnestly lend
The value of a friend
A friend until the end
Why do you just pretend...?

A trip, a spill down memory lane
Reliving ever stain--all the pain
The truth is there is no "past"
Everything we've done will always last
What we did lives through the present
Never in life to be absent

And I realize
The only thing;
The only animal
The only creature I really hate
Is myself

Hear the darkness
In the rain
Or the cloud covered moon
Hear the Violence
In the silence
Of a still dead room
Hear the clamor
Of an army
As you sit, silent, pondering
Here the turmoil
Of a heart
In the forest wandering

Call me useless, it won’t hurt
I’m used to being treated like dirt
Leave me left under the sun
Nothing that hasn’t already been done
Abandoned hopeless in the night
Oh the feeling of being a knight
I wanted to help to fight for you
"Do I want to? what else can I do?"
I guess you're alone in this world
That means I am too....

Listening to unknown tunes
Then the sickening guilt consumes
I'm pathetic, I'm ordinary
I can promise I am not very
Good at this, in fact I ****
Addiction's vile, I just feel stuck
You beat yours, why can't I beat mine
It's always haunting all the time

You filth! You painted woman you fake creation
How could everyone; how did I used t stare with fascination?
You don’t even seem real, and the reason is you’re not
How did you, just another person get so violently caught?
Your vanity makes me sick…or maybe I feel sorry
What you appear is truly repulsive but that’s what I see
If I stop and for a minute ponder, I feel pity
So scared you paint a person completely
Different than who you really are…
Convinced now you’re just a little star
I pity
Such Vanity

I-so-lation-ism
My mind my cag-ed pr'son

Left Alone, no one here
On my own, pain’s near
Lurking at the threshold
Like your knife, to my heart
Plunging deeper and deeper
Quite a delicate art
My knees are weaker and weaker
Never living a life so bold
I wish I knew what I’d done
Are you killing me or am I killing you?
It wasn’t meant to be fun
Tears stain my face, what is there left to do?
My blood, seeping out…growing cold
Then it goes black.