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126 · Dec 2019
Every Time
J Martyn Dec 2019
You only text me when she's not active.
You talk more when no one else is around.
You always destroy my self esteem.
And I feel like I always let you down.

You are the only one I want.
I can't stop thinking about you.
You've told me a million times that you're scared.
But I think it's because of me, everything I do

I know I'm not perfect
And I can't change that, trust me I've tried.
I've tried more than you know.
But it's so freaking hard to lie.

Everytime I think you're falling for me
Everytime I think you'll stay.
You destroy the feelings I have
But you build them right back up the next day.

I can't ignore you
because everytime I'm mad
You try to make it better.
And you rebuild all the feelings I had.

J. Martyn
65 · Dec 2019
HUNG UP ON YOU
J Martyn Dec 2019
I’m still hung up on you,
All this **** you put me through
I can’t get over you
I don’t know what to do

I’m caught up on your words.
You have me on a string.
Waiting for it to get worse,
And I know I can’t say anything.

Cuz I don’t want you to be a part of me
All I wanna do is share a little ecstasy.
I want you to be clueless without me
If we’re gonna be an “us”, that’s the only thing I wanna be.

Forget about the what-ifs and guilt trips.
I want you to close the distance between our lips.
Trust me, I know you want this.
Blaming you for the tore- up wrists.

Why do you play these games?
Do you like that I'll willingly chase you?
It's like playing hide and go seek
But I’ll never see my way through

Our love is like heaven,
But it can hurt like hell.
I’m falling off infinite cliffs for you
Why can’t you tell?

What happened between us?
Everything started so great,
Stop making me guess if your love is real.
Have I made a mistake?

Now tell me, please
Are we even meant to be?
I don’t wanna hurt anymore
Tell the truth, set me free

Cuz I don’t want you to be a part of me
All I wanna do is share a little ecstasy.
I want you to be clueless without me
If we’re gonna be an “us”, that’s the only thing I wanna be.
60 · Dec 2019
Her Number
J Martyn Dec 2019
I want you to love me,
But I ask if you want her number.
I want you to see me,
But I hide when it comes the time
I want you to kiss me,
But I watch you kiss her anyway.
I want you to be happy,
And that means I'll have to cry.

So when I call your name,
Will you come running my way?
Or will you stand by her
And together, walk away?

When I give you my secrets
Will you keep them close?
Or will you throw them back at me?
After I trusted you the most.

Will you sing me a song
That melts my heart,
Or will you stitch me together,
Just to rip me apart.

Will you get in your feelings
And tell me the truth.
Or lie to my face,
Without me having a clue.

I want you to laugh with me,
But I listen to you tell jokes to her.
I want you to see me,
And I notice how you look right through.
I want us to share our emotions,
But I let you bend them 'til they break.
I want you to shower me with love,
Like I constantly do to you.
54 · Dec 2019
Untitled
J Martyn Dec 2019
Do you see these eyes?
They were made for seeing
through all the false love.
Do you see these hands?
They were made for digging up
the truth that you buried.
Do you see these feet?
They were made for running
away from myself and the world.
Do you see this heart?
See all the scars inside?
They tally up the lies told to me,
telling me I'm worth their attention.
Those cuts count the moments
that I’m stupid enough to think
that I’m okay.
There are millions.
A cut for each second
that goes by.

— The End —