Doubting
Arguing
Nagging
Pushing

This, this isnt us
Should we be

Supporting
Caring
Loving
Pulling?

That, that is obvious
Isnt it?

The way you laugh
Even better when you smile
The way you pull me close
And buried your face into mine
The way you always curse
Whenever you blush
The way your cigarettes smells
And the sudden calls
Even if its just for a while
I will miss your presence,

always

Im waiting
Every hour
Minute
Second
That you will show up
That you will erase all of my sadness
Like you always do

Tick tock
The clock is ticking
My tears falling
My heart hurting
My bones aching
And you
Youre not showing

Being naive is destructive,
when you close your eyes from the things you dont want to see
and being deaf for the things you dont want to hear
hiding behind a fake shield you built
protecting your own self to keep seeing the rainbow
when the truth making thunderstorms to the person you love
you can keep lying to yourself
and pretend you didnt see every single tears falling
eating those lies just because your heart is hungry
A ticking bomb growing inside you
and when the time is up
it will explode,
it will explode hard
The shattered pieces will bleed you from inside
when it happened
nothing else you can do beside sitting there and watching your world falling, and soon,
you will realize that
being naive is destructive.

Do you miss him?

I breathe with it, everyday

Do you know what actually I feel for falling so hard over him?

I feel like finally whole

Like hes enough, just the way he is. With every flaws he got, hes enough.

And i am, i am enough, also with every traces of my flaws, he managed to make me feel like its okay.

I feel like i can finally trust someone, i dont have to worry that he will let me down, because i know he wont.

And the best part about loving him is everytime i see his eyes, i see stars, moon and even galaxies, that i could easily drown into it, and i willingly to do so, because i know he will be there to catch me.

Just 3 words that come from his mouth, and i know it will be okay.

I am not sure how October looked like to you
though its a damp rainy month at southern hemisphere
I like to see it through north
a month that pictured a big preparation
a preparation to survive through the cold
it feels like the time when earth is trying to protect all of the lives within
maybe you are my earth

where the daylight becomes shorter
the temperature cools down
and leaves fall from trees
to the earth surface
just like me
to you

“when was the last time you feel happy?”

i ask this question a lot,

to my friend who seems got it all

to my relative who got his life all settled

even to my parents

they stopped and lost for a moment

happiness,

is a confusing feeling

you could feel happy

but not really happy,

until you meet your high school friends

your old lover

those warm feelings they give,

hug you with comfort

bring back the old memories,

the wide smile, the non – stop laughter, the feel of being set free, fly and being extremely happy to the most silliest thing, it almost feels like there was no burden

no scary thoughts of the future

no consideration of which bad or good

nothing, just happiness

now i believe you are happy

but dont you miss being really happy?

how can you remember his smile
with tears streaming down your face
how can you remember his voice
with a swallowed sob down your throat
how can you crave for his existence
but curse every sight of his figure
how can you dreamed about his face
but wake up with a nightmare

how can you
love
and hate
in a bitter sync?

Heart racing up
Burned my world to the ground
Pictures playing in my head
Lost my senses each second

Sorry, you said
Say it to my light that you dimmed
Say it to my hate that you caused
My agony
My disgust
My ideas of love that you crushed

Sorry, you said
I’m sorry
Was it really a mistake
I’m sorry
It was the choice of one’s self

They say when you end up missing someone
pay attention to other things
find as many distractions as you can
they say it easily but one thing they dont know,
I find nothing but your figures
Every tiny details of your presence

You used to wake me up
In between reality and dreams
I used to see you through the glass
and pretending that I mad at you
deep down
I smiled

You reminding me of the sun
foolishly sacrifice himself to pass the air for moon to breathe, night by night

And for that, as foolish as it was, I fell in love with the air
the soul that you exhale

suddenly,

in a heartbeat of time

it was worth the dying

Pelipur datang menyapa Lara
"lihat aku" bisiknya,
ia datang tepat ketika Lara ingin mengalihkan mata
muak melihat Bara
"sini, ikut aku" bisiknya,
ia datang membawa nada
Lara ingin berdansa!

boleh kah?

"boleh!" teriaknya,
"dansa!" dansa hingga Pelipur menyatu dengan Lara,

menjadi sebuah asa,

bahagia

“i put a smile on my face because you exist.”

and i prepared a frown in my palm incase you vanished

what if i told you
i still count the clock until it hit 2
what if i told you
your ache still making me blue
what if i told you
your smile is giving me a clue
a clue that my soul is still longing for you

what if i told you
i still wait for the days to passed through
what if i told you
i almost fell for every i love yous
what if i told you
the pain didnt stop me from needing you
but what if i told you
you dissapoint me enough
enough to scare me away from running back to you

“grow up” they say,
pushed me to the edge with
a chain locked in my feet

“be independent” they say,
hang a string in my neck
and tell me what is wrong and right

“be grateful” they say,
hands offered life
but walk away each night

“help” shall i say,
unable to move without a hand
in my string

“help”,
words choked up in my lungs
brain making senses

am i really that helpless, or you are the one who drained my soul?