The feeling you get, when you are so terrified of everything, when you are so hopeless wanting to find reasons as to why you are scared but at the same time not wanting to think too much about it,
The feeling you get when you are all alone and you think to yourself what the **** am I doing? Trying to find answers that you don't have yourself,
The feeling you get when you find yourself questioning things you once knew you are sure of only because there's no one to remind you how you used to be not even yourself cause you are starting to forget
and you end up wanting to disappear, to be nothing rather than sitting and feeling all of those feelings cause there is no way out, you can't get what you want so it seems like a maze inside of your head, it all leads to something that might be wrong, what do I do? I wish knew.

I lay here in my cold but also kind of warm bed at 6 am I begin to think, and when you are alone in bed at the crack of dawn you know the things you think of aren't exactly cheerful but are also related to reality as we like to call it, I start to play music but sometimes my thoughts distract me from enjoying the song, I even forget the fact that I am playing music as I am playing it maybe because the thoughts are literally inside my head whilst music is just a sound that's seeping through the earphones to my ears, I turn the music off cause it gets annoying, I stare at the darkness hoping to feel less distracted and more rested even for a little while, I sometimes fall asleep and I sometimes end up thinking more, blocking my thoughts haunts me in my sleep cause they sometimes turn to nightmares, I don't know if that's common but my dreams are reality, my nightmares are calamities that might happen or better said very possible to happen, I feel like my brain wants to get the fear out in anyway possible so If I don't think things through sometimes they are formed as dreams and it frightens me more cause I get to live them, I wake up either so many hours later or very few hours later, either way I usually wake up scared, and I sit for few seconds to convince myself it is not real but then again what is real and what isn't? That's been my life for quite sometime now.