i saw indecipherable secrets in the rays of a streetlight
i wanted to know
what it was i was missing
and i, didn't answer
when you asked what i was thinking
i'm sorry,
i haven't been thinking
i've been drawing pictures in the fog of windows
but it fades too quick to finish
i don't know how it came to this
when i stopped remembering
to tell time
or to tell myself to take a breath
maybe it would fog the window again
might blow dust under the street lamp

like the two dimes in my wallet
i counted the days i have felt lonely in my life-
only twice
maybe thats not right  
maybe all my time
today i doubted if you miss me at all
paced the room like i could walk to you
drove 'cross town like it would matter
cried like i'd feel better
do you know it scares me how much i love you?
it scares me that i love you at all
it scares me that you might always
be far away.

like the two dimes in my wallet
i counted the days i have felt lonely in my life-
only twice
maybe thats not right  
maybe all my time
today i doubted if you miss me at all
paced the room like i could walk to you
drove 'cross town like it would matter
cried like i'd feel better
do you know it scares me how much i love you?
it scares me that i love you at all
it scared me that you might always
be far away.

i like to watch the leaves change color
just like the old woman we met
with the shabby shoes
but you don't have to seek sadness
to make the summer feel warmer
and carnival laughs sound louder,
the winter will always be cold enough
and september thunder frightening,
so remember to wear
your coat.

i'm starting to think maybe i'm not cut out for this. maybe life is just too much for me too juggle. like playing guitar is too much for my small hands. maybe i was never meant to play this song.

this morning when i sat over the breakfast i couldn't finish,
i  noticed the kitchen clock blinking
the time was wrong
from two nights ago when the power went out
i missed you then too
in the awkward candle light too dark to move or read
i wished then i could have whispered to you in bed
whispered the poem i've been reading over again
i wish now that i could hear your voice
i have been talking with many people
and i feel bad to say so
but they bore me
you never did
i don't think you ever could.
i miss you tonight.
that's all i'm trying to say.

i wrote letters of hate
and slipped them in between the pages
of the washing machine's manual
because no one reads those
and no one should

and i painted my pride
on the stones near a lake
and then i tossed them to the water
watched them skip before sink

i carved my anger into the skin of oranges
and then dropped them to the ground
and let them nourish the earth

i fed my fear to baby birds
because they are brave enough to fall
before they know how to fly

then i put my greed inside my piggy bank
and coins and all, i left it in my teacher's mailbox
he gets laid off next week.  

and i took everything i love,
anything good i could find within me
and i threw it from a roof top,
because thats the only way i know
wildflowers grow.

you told me once that you love the earth, the way it turns over like a gauge on itself, how everything fits and how each parts is used and reused. i hope you still like it the same after i submit myself to it. i hope you like me the same when i've let myself go.