i never wanted this

it was never my idea

i only did what you asked of me.

you closed every door i tried to open,

i tried to take us somewhere new

but every time you locked me out

then sliped me a key that doesn’t work

and in the end i got desperate

‘cause old friends screamed at me ‘let go’

i never wanted to do it

but you told me to so boldly

and watched me trembling over my words,

looking for one last answer.

you told me to end it like it was over,

like i had already done it.

please know i never asked for this

this was never my idea

i tried to salvage what you severed

and piece it back together.

and now it’s all scattered

in songs and faded scenes

and though most of me is cold and weeping

some still arranges all the parts like a puzzle

desperately

hoping

that it’s not actually forever.

you made me etch a goodbye to you
in dark ink on my arm
so that any time i'd write again
i'd remember all that'd gone wrong

you gave me all responsibility
for the pain we both felt
but how can all the blame fall on me
when two ends we both held

you keep singing i'll forget you but that will never be the case,
some days i sure want to but you've locked it this way
you and i will never speak again
and i'll hold all reget
but soon enough you won't hurt for me
and the memories will rest

let time pass
let time pass
let time pass
there's nothing i can do
to change your perception of me now
there's nothing i can do
to hid that goodbye on my arm
there's nothing i can do

i mumbled under the covers, my misery in words not as sharp
and spun on my back through tears of remorse
because i made
countless
mistakes
i screamed internally the insecurity that was building day after day
and rolled my regret up like quarters, getting heavier and heavier
then i lied
to myself
again
i woke up to shady memories of a sorry self-conscience
and i was pulled out of bed with a force not my own
then i cried
to myself
in the car
you showed me the things that brought back smiles
and sang with me in the corner
so that i
felt light
again
you sat me down gently, you spoke through my hair
and you told me not to worry
that death
could not
take me
you showed me the middle, where i stood then,
and nodded behind me before pointing forward  
so i knew
which way
to go