"Prisoner's Dilemma"

Recovered from the gunshot; wound to the head jumbled in regret, bleeding out angst, screaming worry! and in vain; embracing the loving and comfortable agony because sometimes the smallest Voices have the loudest tone.

Which to believe?

Justification in Insubordination.

"Destroy all uniqueness to create a stiff mess" Never knowing
Idiosyncrasies lead to genius
As that genius leads to wealth
as you master the craft of *******.

Foraging and burrowing for solace  as I hear my beckoning cat singing its hymn of luck...
An electric shock as she left a Hubristic phenomena that impelled itself into an energy disk
using its persona to become a mask
Leaving the host
Exploiting secrets, extorting the waves,
Leaving the host (alone)
in "whys" and "why nots"
creating parallels and contamination
in its solace, an energy box,
as aggression followed
to palliate the breeze
while space blazed and swirled creating new baby miracles everyday;

I lost dignity trying to fit a culture's mold, I lost self-respect in my rebellion. Trying to fit the "look," looking foolish in my efforts to look cool and have a hard grace. I preserved the made up martyr in me in an effort to feel sane. I gave into temptation from tormentors and deadly weapons--all for a sense, a sojourn, into a limpid environment. I was proselytized into believing the hype of "this will take your stress away."
Delusional.
Leaving the land
to indulgence in the mud.
A self-proclaimed sociologist in a lions den
that was filled with sheep--
becoming intangible in  obsequiousness to the slow-moving beat of the followers.

Old holes with new vacancy and a new capacity to be
filled; with beauty and lore just living one more day to
recover from the gunshot. There’s a new way, diving into the
seas, indulging (in limpidity); instead of stopping halfway living
in the sun, but diving into asphyxia to gain a form of twisted
self-worth. Talking to the higher good with cryptic
intentions–begging for help, reaching the final stop sign.
Pain in subsequent diversity, an addiction, I admit, and
obsession greeting.
Headstrong and relentless; be in your efforts
Evade the subject!
Happiness shouldn’t lay in the thresholds of pain.

As I bled the river with all of the elements combined
Lost in Unkown Hubristic form
leaving; checking out
finally
helping; to raise money to pay back for
months lost--
raising and raising--evaporation in the solecisms of the feeling of somebody
else's needle, a scapegoat for (their) life.
Eversion--turning inwards--is better,
better conceived,
better learned, an
easel for (your) life--never moving,
sill--
bright white for beautiful colors and fluent strokes to be placed upon; a
painting never
finished;

She was the bird I picked up from falling down

The insignificance is felt in the light of the blue moon
Alone--feeling lonely--while someone else's heart beats to your rhythm universally connected but galaxies away...able to fuse together but the moons take hold and you get swallowed by ego and excess empathy by the shooting stars' flame.

Because once you're steady you crave that bump in the road that shoots adrenaline and excitement through your veins to feel alive again

All I am and once was made you
Do we fit together perfectly?