I suppose I should be a star-gazer.
Expectant of everything,
As the stars are mapped and shown
To their place every night.

But it seems as though
Everyone has seen Hailey's Comet
And I've yet to see an asteroid.
Always waiting, waiting.

Is it such a task?
I place myself
At every possible spot.
Years and years pass - nothing.

Just a glimpse, just a drop
Of that euphoria of the first time,
The first wistful look into
The eyes of such a wonder.

But it moves away from me.
Every **** time.
Seeing the flaws
And jagged downfalls within me.

I am just a simple star.
He is the comet.
Never shall the two touch.

As I let the memory
Of my last battle
Simmer inside,

I realize myself.
I know my decision.
I follow it.

I only do things
That make me
Happy in the best way

I only force myself
When I will benefit
Greatly from the suffering

This was useless suffering
I will be fine
Maybe a bit scratched

Probably a tad scarred
Definitely talked about
Negatively and positively.

If that's all,
Well then,
I've had worse things happen to me.

Walls.
Nothing to think of.
Not really threatening in most senses.

But
Walls are what kept me out
And still do.

Walls
Are what are between me and good conversation
And blocking out my sobs

Walls
Are slowly crumbling
But it'll be a while

So
I'm sorry if that hurts
But they're simply my walls

We're not exactly close friends
At least, not in my terms.
Yet you insist that we are so much alike.

You scream to the world
Not of any passionate emotion
Just of how much better you are because you're wierd.

Honey, you just made yourself normal, for one.
You are not better or worse
Just because you call yourself wierd.

And you're kind of a hypocrite.
As the true 'freak' would not give a single ****
About what it is that people think

And I see that you care a lot.
One must to want to hide behind a label.
'Ooh, look at me, I'm [insert here]'

Labels, labels, labels.
Shut up about them for one ****** second,
And realize that that won't take you anywhere.

You claim we are both like my favorite character.
I can say that I am,
I've read it three times and hold it close to my heart.

You take its misgivings about society and laugh.
That is not what it's ******* about!
It's about an introvert finding his way!

You are no introvert.
I'll let you have that label.
As for the rest,

I'll punch it out of your mouth someday.

Thinking. And thinking.
It's always about a number of things,
My mind never likes only one topic
Mostly because I get bored easy.

And I think, I'm not interested in boys.
I'm interested in men.
Not this annoying, ball-less ******* that hasn't learned a thing.
Maybe that's why I'm forever in love with Tom Hiddleston.

And I think, my body is wierd.
Made of broken pieces,
Glued together by angel spit.
(I guess it's been battered, as my bones are falling apart as we speak.)

And I think, I'm done with friendship.
All it seems to do is bring me woe.
You all are now acquaintances,
Far enough away that you can't shoot me.

And I finally think, I'm happy.
Even with the **** scars and broken heart,
I like the words I speak and how they power through a room.
I love each morning, a new oppurtunity for adventure.

"You're in love with my mind.

But sometimes, sweetheart,
a woman needs a man
who loves her ***." (Full Moon And You're Not Here, by Sandra Cisneros)

This rings true,
At least in my own mind.
Vice versa, plus up and down.

I respect, to a point,
That some may not feel
That that's important at all.

But oh, I've read too much
Of love and lust
And everything else that comes with romance.

I've never settled
Never will
And no regret in that.

My fiery heart has no room
For simple plots
And half baked thoughts.

I think too much
But it helps a little
As all I do is detailed through and through.

That may make me a frigid *****
Someday in some realm.
I'm already used to *****, anyway.

I daydream more than I dream,
Which is what makes me such a dreamer.
Complex twists and turns in each mind adventure.

I have many hopes
Though not all will be accomplished.

Hopefully the best ones
Will manifest as I hope.
God knows I've kicked enough *** for it.

I will tie myself to no one
Not a man, woman, or friend
At least, not yet.

Hello, you
I guess you're new
Because anyone with any sense
Would know that crossing me doesn't last

I've dealt with plenty of *******
You're not new and niether are your words.
Eliminating you is easier than drinking water.
Doesn't cost much and takes little time.

Surprised? Well, your grand mistake,
Your extremely stupid move,
Was trying to cross a girl like me
Who has absolutely nothing to lose.

Not for a while, anyway.

These nights in bed
Where I am up much too late
Espiecally with such early class

But the stress of those classes-
No, the stress of the people
Make it a need to drown the demons

I can handle class
Flick of the wrist
Five minutes each.

People are much harder
I try to relate how I can
To my friends who I cling to

But I am not good at this.
Stumbling to bashful words
Nothing interesting on my mind but businesslike questions.

I want to say
"How do you feel today?"
But I often get the same **** answer.

"I'm good."
*******, we're teenagers.
Nothing's ever just 'good'.

Whenever I do come up with something
Ears are sewn closed
Mouths repeating 'mmhm' like a mantra.

And then there's the loneliness
Can I help it if I want a gentle hand,
And maybe a pretty face?

Forced relationships aren't my thing.
I've seen it and I'm seeing it
So I stray far from that.

Okay, maybe a few friends are okay.
Though who knows how long that'll last.
I'm pretty good at ******* those up.

So the stars watch me
And listen my crooning sobs
Sung out like an opera.

I hope and pray for better luck
And slowly it comes.
But for now, music stays my friend,
My bed my lover.

The song of the city,
Crooning beautifully
As we zoom on the highway.
The lights guiding its rhythm.

The wind brings it to me
Wrapping me up tightly
Clearing my heart
Like a duster in an attic.

It starts with a good electric.
Melody like F21 mood music.
Vocals like a lullaby
But more like motivation.

It holds relief in each measure,
Like a drug, or maybe
Love & Drugs
Making me wistful.

Few hear it here,
I'm quite aware.
I'm a city girl
Stuck in the uptight town.

Nights like this,
I talk to the stars,
Discussing my life,
And unrequited love.

Nights like this,
I cuddle my pillow,
Pretending its the boy
That I hope to find.

Nights like this,
I crave the summer,
And an apartment,
Hidden in an urban garden.

Nights like this,
I sob endlessly,
Mourning lost things
I  never intended to lose.

Nights like this,
Well, they oft occur
As I am a girl of the moon,
Ruled by her ever changing cycles.

Humanity.
We pride ourselves in
Our sciences
Our technology
Our histories
And our knowledge.

We are born barely knowing
How to communicate
How to eat
How to see
Or how to identify things.

And as time goes on,
We learn basics
And live quite happily
At least for a decade.

But then we are told about
Our sciences
Our technology
Our histories
And our social norms.

But it seems so
That we ignore much of it
And simply absorb social norms
Refusing anything outside of it.

So as we live on
Decade upon decade
Some learn nothing
Some believe they know everything.

As we die, peacefully or not,
Some regret many things
Some wish for more time
And some just don’t care.

Often, as some die,
We die just as stupid
As we were when we were born
And only to our own choice...

A thorn falling for a rose
Nothing short of ridiculous.
But you’re a rose, my dear,
Can you blame me?

Am I stupid to hope?
Stupid to think that
You could love me too?
Even with my outside?

I’m not too sure.
"The worst he could say is no!"
Exactly, my dears.
I don’t think I could take it.

I can’t lose you.
Even as a friend
You’re what I have left
Though you have it all

You can lose me easy.
Plenty to replace me.
Please don’t.
I won’t.

I’ll protect you
You let me enjoy
The comfort of you
And your sweet smell.