I think if I think hard enough I can escape my bones and my skin. I think I can become some grand cosmic furnace placed in the heavens with Scorpio and Orion churning out star after star like some universal mother. I think I can become an ocean like cold steel pounding and pounding against resistance with froth and fury. I think I can become the warm sun on your face (a pleasant touch that is burning you to death). I think I can become every blade of grass in your lawn every daisy in every field every deer in every wood every tree in every forest every bit of ground beneath your feet every breath in you. I think I can become every drop of blood in your lungs.

clicking teeth
rattling breath
veins too small and cramped lungs
spindly ribs and spiderweb lips

you wake up
sunshine on your face
lazy smile lazy voice eyes squinted
why can't I be happy like you?

you taste like ozone and i have traced the knots on your ankles
and the hole in your chest
for hours
revising calculations
compiling a chart
mapping your unknown spaces to find the real distance from you to me
not in the light years from your mouth to mine
but thoughts
memories
four thousand six hundred fourty four instances without me
that void is infinite

your mouth is full of flies
your brain is a quasar with no light on the horizon
there is nothing left of you but bones
and a nest of veins and arteries with your heart stuck in the center like an egg

your wings are melting
you've flown too close to the sun again
wax tattoos you poppy red in drip
drip
drips

how could i forget you?
your parabolas
your rosy cheeks
and the weight of you
how could i forget?
you have no solution
     (i could help you find one)

your teeth are razors
gentle razors sliding over a galaxy of me
neck and fingers and chest
knees shoulders back stomach lips nose ears cheeks


you could **** me you know
with those gentle razors stuck in your skull


cut me open and pull me apart
spill me on the floor

cold hands and brittle bones
your skin is thin like snow on summer mountains and you are beautiful

open your ribs
i will sleep in your lungs
i will breathe your breath
i will taste of your insides and i will love you

a cracked skull
your head is full of fire
i will push your pieces back into place
i will make you beautiful again

there are flowers in the notches of your spine
i will water your flowers and feel you
bend and flex and bend and twist and flex and bend
an orchestra of blood and bone and sinew and gristle

watch the angels on your skin
skimming your mountains and valleys
your bumps and bruises
i will find your constellations

your veins are failing and you cannot feel and you are beautiful
tight fists and soft lips

endlessness terrifies me
my chest swells and my heart flutters to think of it
a cold cold ocean blue like night filled to the brim with nothing
a long dark void both hot and cold. dead stars and dizzying dances full of forever


but you and your smile and your mind are endless
and I am not afraid at all
you are bioluminescent and there are stars trapped under your skin
(you have no antidote)

i know what newton tells us

i know countries and continents and cities

i know the planets and their moons

but i did not know the galaxy of my body the planets that are my organs or the nebula of my mind
until you showed me

you taught me and showed me and led me with coarse hands and eyes deeper than any space i have ever traveled.  you caught me in your gravity when you showed me ribosomes and platelets and when you traced my veins like they were a map you needed to follow without even knowing where it would take you. you told me the cosmos are forever but the body dies and that is far more beautiful than any atmosphere or supernova. i want to chart the stars on your skin with my mouth and i want to show you the taste of an atom and i want to teach you what overexposure to your radiation does to me but you are already laughing and telling me that something as small as you does not deserve the attention of the universe.

when i said i wish i had never met you

i told the truth

the universe was easier to comprehend

when it was only dead stars

instead of the way you look at me