locked
out of my house and home
locked
out of the lives of everyone else
locked
away from the contact of others
locked
away from where i can hurt them
locked
into a world of my own
locked
into a spiral of self destruction
locked
tight in a place where misery thrives
locked
thight in a place where i can't seem to die
locked
where i can never escape
locked
where the only comfort is my own blood, dripping, slowly, a vivid color in a world of gray, and my best friend, the knife, dripping silently with the color of my secret romance, waiting, waiting, for my next command. here, now, i've decided, now my friend comes closer, closer, glinting in the light of the flickering street lamp and the moon, now at my throat, it's a good feeling, painful still, all my worries, my fears, my miseries, are now dripping, steaming, slowly down my front, my head is so light, nothing matters anymore, i don't have to stand anymore pain, i'm drifting, i'm flying, i'm sailing, i'm falling, i'm sleeping. good-bye...

A sky so bright
With morning light
A land so dark and cold
And I wish with all my might
For the end of all our fright
And for the demons to relive their hold
For I am caught
In a a cage, wrought
Out of the hardest steel
And now I've faught
Energy, I have not
Nor a steady keel
Ranbows fill the sky above
Look! There flies a single dove!
'Tis a sight so pure
But what the demons love
Is to block the world above
For our world of sadness, there is no cure

I smile
I laugh
I'm happy once again
Then I leave
I go off on my own
My brain starts thinking
Gears turning
Thoughts blurting
Interupting
My peaceful, empty mind state
I'm spiraling down again...
AGAIN?
But I was so happy!
So happy and true!
How can things come and go?
Melting awa just like snow?
It can't be
I don't believe it
I wont!
But here I am again...
AGAIN!
Why does it have to be so?
I'm standed on an island
And island of pain
Misfortune
Dread
But what hurts the most
Is that fact that no one
NO ONE
Sees this "me"
When my smile slips from my lips
And I am alone
In mind and spirit
AGAIN...

The Chorus Of Laughter
All The Day Long
People Smiling, People Smiling
As No One Notices She's Gone

She's Always Was The Last One Picked
And Forever Will Be
Sitting In Her Own Corner, A Lonely Island
Of A Dangerous Playground Sea
Everyday She Dreads The Sunrise
Bringing Another Day Of Shame
People Laughing As She Messes Up
After All, It Was Always The Same
She Didn't Even Let Her Shoulders Droop
Or Her Head Hang
She Just Put On Her Strongest Mask
To Face The Day Again

Then, One Day She Disappeared
Completely Out Of The Blue
She Was There, Then She Wasn't
Where She Went, No One Knew
Washed Up On The Beach
Of The River Nearby
Was Where She Was Finally Found
How Could A Girl So Young Die?

Her Mask Had Hidden Every Tear Every Pain
She Had Ever Had
She Almost Had Seemed To Be A Happy Kid
None Realized How Things Had Gotten So Bad
Next Time You Fell Like Putting Someone Down
Just For Your Own Amusement
Please, I Beg You, Think Again
Is It Really Worth It?

The Chorus Of Laughter
All The Day Long
People Smiling, People Smiling
As No One Notices She's Gone

I stare at the world
through turquoise eyes
and I see the pain
and the suffering
caused to every one else
it stabs through me
just like a blunt knife
a scream to the sky
"why must I care!?"
every scratch
every bruise
I feel on my very own body
I don't know why it has to be this way
I just feel like this
every single day
I've taken acting lessons
and I know how to not show it
but I also have a habit
of over doing it
so staring, seemingly lifelessly
at the world through turqoise eyes
I'm called a heartless person
but that just hurts even more
I just can't stand it
why does my world have to be this way?
I don't let any one else
see the pain that's caused me
every single day
at some rare times
I'm able to forget it
but that doesn't mean
that it ever even leaves
it haunts me
every single ****** day of my life
and I'm only able to release my emotions
through these ****** *** lines
of drunken, depressed emotions
and I stare at them angrily
through these turqoise eyes
I know I **** at writing
and I **** at singing
I fail at everything I try
I might as well die!
I sit alone in my room
staring at these blank, depressing, white walls
through these turquois eyes
but I still hear the screams
of all of the abused children
I still see the blood
soldiers of every race shed as they fall to the ground
I still feal the pain
of all those I've met
I still smell the filth
of the crumbling homes of those in third world countries
I still taste the tears
that slip into my mouth, as I sit here crying
I stare in to your eyes
with my own turquois eyes
and I ask you now and forever
"Do you have the guts to show the world that you care?"

Yes I Am Mad At You
But Mad In The Same Way That I Am Mad At Myself For Stubbing My Toe
It's Something Small And It Passes Quickly
Just A Stupid Table Leg
Time Passes And All About The Incident Is Forgotten
Simply Human Nature Wasting Time
I Could Never Find The Heart To Be Mad At You
For Anything, For That Long
It's Already Starting To Dim
While The Happiness Spreads
Through Out My Very Being
"He's Coming Back!" My Mind Screams
What A Headache That's Causing Now!
At Least The Cause Is One To Celebrate
And Not One To Mourn
I've Taken Time To Think, Myself
I Know That Everything For Me Is Fine
Just A Lttle Confused Here And There
From The Sounds Of It, You Might Be Too
But I'll Be Your Friend, Forever To Hold
Forever To Guide
Forever To Be By Your Side
Forever To Be Here When You Need Me
Forever To Make You Smile When You See Me
Forever To Be A Crutch To Lean On
Forever, Whenever, You're In Need, Remember, Me
And I Promise That I'll Remember
How You're Always There For Me
And I'm Letting You Know That--
Just Making Sure That YOU Remember--

"Just Like The Rain
falls unto the earth
And Angles Roost There Weary Wings on the clouds
May you fall
time comes you need rest
fall unto me
roost those solemn wings of emotion on my shoulder"
Remember