Gasping for air-
the body is weak.
Sweating hair-
tears run down the cheek.

Life passes through the eyes
of one who is soon blind
and death stalks the cries
of a man wishing to rewind.

The pain is numbing,
endorphins ensue.
No point in running,
for death only pursues.

Nervous smile,
saddened expression,
walking the green mile
with guilty confessions.

Life, once long,
now is short.
No longer strong
the soul aborts.

We stop and stare,
our lips so near,
wanting to share,
our bodies so dear.

A grasping embrace,
lip to lip,
we entangle,
hip to hip.

A fire in our eyes,
we have such lust,
we don't deny,
for we must.

A feel so great,
we live in bliss,
forever late,
we don't resist.

We lay beside,
we look to ceiling,
it knows what we hide,
every secret feeling.

I sit in a broken, gray room,
staring outside through the window of hope.
It breaks me to see the happiness of independence,
and I watch as the freedom grows.
Envy develops within me,
as I sit within my restraints-
the restraints of normalcy and the regular,
which hold me from being my true self.
Uniqueness is alien to me,
as I follow the rules of my superiors,
those with the key to my restraints.
They tell me they are my friends,
though, I don't believe them.
They never let me out through the window,
and they tell me what to do; how to act.
I am their puppet, and I am quite loyal.
Berating those who do not follow,
and insulting those who are of their own mind.
I feel a sting in my heart as I hurt those who follow their own,
but I will never stop, for pleasing those with the key is pleasing me.
I wish I could free myself of these locks-
that I could steal the key and break through the window,
but I will never be free and I shall never escape.
If only I had the will to do so,
but the comfort of the key holders,
the pleasure of never thinking for myself,
is far too great to ever reach out and take the keys,
for the pleasure of acceptance is too great for me-
I wish I had the will of those who fly free outside the gray room.

Where are you, when I need?
Always running from me, never to be found.
Taking my hand; always to lead-
never once do your footsteps make a sound.
Impossible to find, but secretly about...
why is it that you give me doubt?

The block forms in my mind; seems like I'm running out of time.
The pressure builds from my own self,
and I don't even write for the wealth.
Maybe if I had a million dollars, or some beautiful jewelery,
would you decide to come back to me.
Gift my mind with the reason to write,
because without you, I have no insight.
No insight to my reasons or why;
It's only without you my lungs release a sigh.
A sigh of doubt and annoyance.

The whiteness in my head is like quilt on a bed-
normal, but instead...
I refuse to give up; I will not stop searching,
for, you see, my mind is surging.
I never run out of words in thought,
and because of this my aspirations will never stop.

Halfway through a random poem,
with you by my side and pen in hand...
all of a sudden I am distracted by someone;
and now you've taken the chance and ran.
The misery forming in my heart;
god I just want to finish this last part.
Begging, pleading, I'm on my knees;
I look hopeful out the window through the trees,
and wish to see you running back to me-
but it's really never that easy.

I remember as a child, warm and new to the world,
before my passion snapped, and my hope was curled.
I remember as a boy, with a smile full of glee,
I remember myself, before I became me.
And now I look around; I look around and see,
every belief and dream, hung from a tree.
The noose tightens around its neck; gasping to breathe,
I watch as it dies, and I finally begin to see.
See the open world for what it truly is, a beast of gluttony-
one of despair and utter agony.
I feel the need to climb the rope upon the tree,
and cut the throat of the noose; releasing the real me.

I take the clay statue of my false self, and I throw it to the ground.
I stomp and smash and break until destruction is my only sound.
I rip, I gnash, I cut, I lash;
I turn the clay straight to ash.
I take the ash and commend the last resonance of my past;
releasing every single grain for the wind to have.

The time ticking slowly is noticeable in my hands,
as I notice them growing gray as the hourglass spills its sand.
Time flows by me in an instant to my grave.
I lay inside my wooden coffin and it begins to cave;
the walls fall inside and smother my life-
I lose every confidence and also my strife.
The agony released from my lungs cannot be in words;
The pain of watching the Shepherd leading the herd-
with me in the background, left behind to weep,
I will never be a part of the salvaged sheep.

The pain falls behind, and I see the light.
It shines down with immeasurable might-
filling my soul with utter glee;
I see the final remnants of the true me.
I stare into my eyes and beg-
"Tell me the truth of the final bed"
The other me starts to tear-
Sobbing loudly, I join my mirror.
Our tears run rivers to waterfalls; carving liquid into fossils;
memories of my shame; hoping to never be the same.

I rise from my grave and dance under the moon,
I dance with joy until night turns to noon.
My every nerve tingles as I have been born anew,
loving the sensation of myself renewed.
I taint my new soul within a moment;
the loss of purity being my atonement.
The world turns to a vicious clock;
the horrible loop will never stop.

But my fight will never quit and I cannot be haltered;
even as I give to every sin, my path will not falter.
I seek to be righteous and escape this human cycle,
I will not buckle in and become recycled.
I will fight against the pressure of time; following only my sense of mind.
My passion burning and leading the way;
I hope you will join me with hopes to stay.

You take and you take and you take and you take-
feeding off of me like a parasite,
but I will not give, no-
I will not fall through the vows I made to you.
I swore and I swear and I will always remember that...

Beautiful day under the summer sun
when we were sitting underneath our favorite oak tree,
and that smile you gave to me-
leaving me breathless.

But, oh-the drowning had not yet started.

And once we started sinking,
we really started sinking.
We dropped and we dropped and we never had a chance-
our bouyancy was lost at sea;
eaten by a  monsterous shark.

But I swore and I swear and I will always remember that...

Graceful night under the gorgeous church lights,
with you in a beautiful dress teeming with perfection-
the mirror image of all my inspirations.

I love you.
I love you too.

I do.

But, oh! Oh...

How the pain rifts through,
sinking like a weight deep into our veins...
Oh, the pain.

How it can just swim into your heart,
and grasp you like a vulture on the hunt.

My soul is screaming, and being ripped apart.

But, oh God, how I swore and I swear and I will always remember that...

Night you decided our love wasn't enough,
that I was nothing but fodder for your rage.
And how I fed you.

You gnash and you break-
tearing at my heart like a lion contained.
How you managed to persuade me to lend you my heart;
I may never know.

But like a siren calling out,
my body runs to you-
My heart does too,
just unwillingly, and wantingly,
as if my heart was possessed-
controlled by a force far away.


I sit here and I wait as time passes by.
I don't know where to go from here.
As my legs are laying in red,
they feel as two crosses laying infront of me.
Heavy; unmoving.

I wish I could sleep with you,
but how can I ever sleep without wishing you goodnight?

You left so fast,
but yet-


I am relieved.