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You don't really know how I struggle
just to string the words beading by color
threading them into a ring on my right hand
rainbow wrists and darling pinked heart-shaped
pockets at the ******* securely aligned.

A sneeze is an excuse to learn forward
and lurch inside with pleasure,
doesn'
t everyone know that?
It's all interrupted in the end
anyway, but
each cliche understands and I
transparate and soften physicality
fffft.

and rematerializing like a mother-
in-law I stake my heart on
a whited sepulchre-
but ain't originality a *****? The repetition
becomes quite tedious, but go
on with a smile, my dear;
For life is full of
surprises- wretched beats and
sweetened bruises, rather like a berry
and most unlike a radish.

So hold your basket gently as
you sway and twist within
a mellow breeze that teases
the auburn tendrils that once
framed a face too young
keep the corners of your mouth
up, and defy your forehead by
the strength of your brow
for I always stand ready
right behind.
Acid leaks from my fingers
and you watch it with glee!
as time fragments and loops
repeat themselves redundantly.

My logic knows all and my shoes
have left my feet in search of a
robo-walk to maximize the pleasure.
I move in angles- trip trip trip----
stutter

All energy flows throught this very vessel
no need for nourishment, this ***** flies
backwards. Marching in grotesque lines
heading nowhere in particular. Faces
lose recognition and I die. die. die again.

My eyes are open? There is no difference.
All I see is a spiral tunnel filled with the
gruesome buzzing of infinite electric flies
and shades of nightmare.

Sound, words, fall short. I'm in a box
at a distance. Can't reach to decide whether
I'm sitting standing speaking. It tumbles out and splats
to the sticky purple mass
spittled like the sides of my brain
which pulse in a threat to implode

Waking dreams and living death
no borders in this country
a kaleidoscope of tulips, twisting strands
of gelatin, columns of panic,
and a glitch in the night.
A quick scream soon stifled.
Last night I dreamt for 20 years,
and life unraveled, picked into bare threads
before me. I'm still crying.
The beauty and love and trust
is so fragile, and betrayal
wins so easily. A small deed
or its absence will fester and ****.

Last night I dreamt for 20 years.
Believe me, hold your loved ones
with every hug you can spare,
and never forget the kindnesses
each day bestows. For tomorrow
breeds doubt and amnesia, and
believe me, karma will bite you
in the ***. Maybe not in this life,
but you will taste the bitterness.
And, oh, how its acrid decay
burns holes in the tongue.

Last night I dreamt for 20 years.
Even if you deny yourself
salvation, at least spare
the Others you (once) love(d).
Do this, and protect the
Dreamers, like me, from our
raining bleeding hearts.
The lines have escaped me once again,
all buttered up and sliding under furniture
like cockroaches at dawn.

I was made with a different chip.
My heart, she dances to her own music,
a song with no words- just Gregorian chanting
and an amnesiac beat; she dances lonely.

My tongue is tied to the floor of my mouth
with fresh sinew that I stole from the belly
of the cat still steaming on the damp asphalt
beneath alien streetlights, streaming
unhurriedly past a new Mercedes,
seeming to fall in chunks down my throat...
neverlanding.

Every trip, every drip, drop, knife or needle,
only leaves me more alone when my imagination
is gone again, and the elevator panels
have ceased giggling as I tell them ***** jokes
between floors two and four.

My dreaming lover lies while I stare rudely,
washing his clothes and feeding him broth.
He wretches over and again, poisoned
by the arsenic in my kiss, the lead in my bowels.
Not this lover, nor any other, could survive
the rugged terrain where I insist to live,
where the well supplies me well
with replacement tears,
yea, even blood.

The mosquitos so strong there,
despite the heat and barren broken stones,
they lick me dry as I methodically flip the light
and lift the coffeetable and ottoman in the den,
finding the nests of my soulmates
who have eaten my lines slowly,
savoring the bitterness of cheap paper.

I refill myself at the well,
swallowing the unsuspecting larvae,
while the one I love drowns facedown as I watch.
His heart stops, and mine, she quickens her step.
She can hear the tortured tongue.
Tickled with every gulp, he's giggling.

I take a step forward, over the void.
The elevator disappears as I turn the corner
into the falling crimson sun.
Don't make me leave my room today
I'm too scared to leave my room today
too frightened to bear the faces
too afraid of rampant judgment
too alone, because no one can understand
except maybe Anne- but she's dead
She went like I will
I know I will
I'll take my own life
there are no other options because
I'm too tired to turn over
too empty to cry
too nauseous to walk
too frail to work
too cold to move
too weak to die just yet
I barely shiver
My body rebels
and calls and yearns for peace
for respite
for death
I bend under the strain, the weight I feel
I'm too scared to leave my room today
Don't make me
A poem
it will escape as a bird
your next notes painted on photographs
of mint velvet

and mine

mine

will do as it pleasez
no rules dangling charmingly
upon my ankle
icing up my tattoo

a Hindu ****
who believes in *****
but not in mankind
not himself

it dies ashed
stuck to a flytrap
diving the room into
dark and light
red and green
cold and hot
but cut slice the floor with your foot
as you're reading backwards
into a pool of ink
that droughts
and ... nothing

was/is left!


.. that is,
nothing--
but my hula wrists
twists and beats
waves

Light is both small particles and waves.
So it is

that
I AM.
Ce n'est pas la fin.
Ce n'est pas triste.
C'est ma décision.
Suicider, c'est un répit
C'est la joie de retourner
La journée de la chemin

De ma domicile définitif
C’est ma paix finale

A rare blue stone beneath the sea
An opal shedding my tears
And they glisten oilingly
In the fragile current of my hope

I stand at the final precipice
Above the ultimate chaotic
Spray, miles below
And my feeble flame,
It flickers at last
And the gnashing teeth obscure me
A small price, the invigorating shock
That signals one last breath
As I meld with the living force
Of the sea
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