He awoke at four that morning with the sunrise.
"Time to go, babe, get ready," he said with a smile,
Thinking I had been asleep, unaware
I lied awake all night, waiting anxiously.
I wondered if he thought it rather strange,
His little girl wanted to deep-sea fish.

He hand-made ham sandwiches with cheddar cheese--
(Because he knows that cheddar is my favorite)--
And then forced me to take some dramamine.
"It keeps you from puking your lunch," he teased.
I didn't fuss at him for giving me the **** pills.
I was ready to catch my first Atlantic shark.

Florida's early mornings aren't that warm,
So he gave me his old jean jacket as we drove south.
The dock was full of average sailor types--
Our captain's name was Anderson, I think.
Anderson looked just like his boat too,
Weathered by the wicked waves of the ocean.

The boat would swerve and I would sway so awkwardly,
Unbalanced like a newborn giraffe.
Dad gripped my shaking shoulders and whooped,
"This one's gonna be a beauty, you can mark my words!"
I snatched, tugged, and reeled violently--!
The beast finally surfaced with the tiniest plash.

She wiggled on the hook, to my mild astonishment,
Slippery, slime-covered, and small in size.
"It's a white snapper!" Anderson boomed.
She was sixteen inches and diamond white,
Glistening in the sun like the greatest treasure.
Dad patted me on the back, chest swollen with pride.

Catching Atlantic sharks didn't matter now.

The sun came up early one day
My eyelids burned with golden glow
I sat up amongst the wagging cat tails
And saw naked ladies by the stream

Their lips were a pale magenta
They had eyes that enraptured me
As I took their waiting hands
I felt skin as gentle as a flower

I swam with them in intimate bliss
The trees hid us from prying eyes
Their laughter filled the spring breeze
Bespelling everything that it touched

Together we drip-dried in the sun
They shared their sweet elixir with me
I drank until my heart was content
And kissed them all before evening came

We parted with sadness, but amiably
My weary limbs grew numb as I walked
Back to my home amongst the cat tails
I felt my insides weep with exhaustion

The aftertaste of their nectar was bitter
I looked back toward the stream in fright
But the beauties had closed their petals
And they lay limp in the night air

My love for them left me as I sank
Into the cat tails that still swayed
I closed my eyes and took my last breath
As eternal slumber overtook me

Oh lovely coffee
You torture me so badly
Burned my **** knee

Everyone wants what they shouldn't
We're stuck in the Garden of Eden
You are the apple, and I am Eve
Not mine to take, but who gives a ****?

Your sweet aroma tugs at my stomach
My mouth is watering, I'm drawing closer
My mind screams, no, no, stay away
But my heart says, shut the hell up

It's becoming harder to function now
All I can see is you, standing there unabashed
You're crimson, sensual, and all too aware
You know I'm watching, and you're amused as ****

The urge has become almost demonic
Temptation is mocking me because I'm a fool
*******, she giggles obscenely, You're trapped
It's too late to turn back now, and I hate it so much

You're centimeters away, so warm and close to me
I part my lips, about to take the plunge
And then, distracted, you turn and walk away with a smile
****, my heart says, and takes me to find a new apple

pack up your aspirations
because when you wake up
i'll be long gone by then

like one last cigarette
i'm a five minute treat
and i get burned out quickly

i'm heading for the stars
see you in the milky way
if you ever manage to catch up

there's no delay in the heavens
and i like my instant gratification
so if you're willing to wait for me--

i'm willing to come back soon

Final exam week
Is essentially akin
To purgatory

Slutfaced *****
I heard she has implants
Oh my god, did you two make out?
ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME!
Sweetie, you need to stop dreaming about *****
Hahaha! What a *******!
I live for you, but you need help
See the guy by the cereal? Great ****.
Okay, guys, who's bringing the flaming dog ****?
Ew, your happiness makes me want to *****
I think I have a tumor in my left eyeball
So, I was at the bar and this guy walks up to me...
What exactly does a guy mean when he's going to Lion King my ***?
I think this chicken is still alive
The Big O
Where in God's name are her *******?
I learned what ******* was today
It's okay, at least we're not blonde *******
I'm sorry, but it's going to be a cold day in hell before I wear **** floss!

I remember like it was yesterday. There were three.
I stood there, face pressed to the glass as I looked into
A room filled with chaos, joy, and plenty of frenzy.
I didn't understand the tubes, or why something so small
Took so long to finally come into this world,
But I was fascinated.
Dad was standing beside me and smiling.
He said something to me, but I was too
Entranced by you.

The nurses pulled you each up to the window,
That way I could get a better look.
My face contorted, and I felt confused.
I think it worried Dad just a teensy bit,
The way I was looking at you.
He leaned over me and asked,
"What's the matter?"

I wasn't sure what to say to him.
So I straightened my glasses,
Stared him in the eye,
And boldly said,

"My newborn brothers look like naked mole rats."

He walked with a swagger like I'd never seen
His hat was tilted to the side, his suit was keen
His lips curled into a smug smile
He asked me to sit and talk for awhile
He whispered, I blushed, and took his hand
The first time I had been close to a man

There was a kiss, a peck on the lips
He stroked my hair with soft fingertips
I had begun to feel a little sick
Every move he made was so slick
I soon would know it was all a hoax
But I couldn't resist his persuasive coax

The days dragged by like years on end
Every color in my sight began to blend
All things turned dark and gray
When he let go of my hand that fateful day
There were tears, and endless pain
I swore I'd never love again

Now the sweetness of his lips is sour
And sometimes I sit counting the hours
I wait for another boy to come my way
And maybe I'll sit and talk for a day
Because now that my expectations are low
I have become the black widow

There's this thing called love
And this is how it goes
First, you take a shot of poison
It's your choice which one!
There are several, after all
Arsenic, cyanide, strychnine
Take your pick, dear

Then you sit back and take a breath
Your veins start to burn, fire in your blood
Your heart speeds up a few beats
Will it rupture if it goes so fast?
Your stomach starts spinning--that's the nausea!
Try to keep it down, babe
The pain will subside soon

You're turning cold and clammy
You start to shake
You stop breathing
Are they looking your way?
Don't meet their eyeline
Just let your eyes roll back into your head
That's what you get for loving someone

The carnival is back in town
And all is buzzing with joy. The sound
Of children playing and crying
Fill the air. None think of dying
In such a lovely place,
But do not let your eyes turn toward space,
For this carnival plays the tune of
The Funeral March.

Speak not of the sound you hear
Late at night. Though queer,
You must ignore your fright
For there is no escaping the clutch
Of Time and cold Death’s touch.
Run away, run away while you still can,
You silly children. Listen not to the man
Standing at the gate for he only sings
The Funeral March.

Look away from the carousel,
Its beauty is evil, and only leads to Hell
And Death. Go forward or back,
But it makes no difference. It cuts no one slack
And takes no pay for its soul-snatching. Your tears
And screams are all its sustenance. Cover your ears
And look away, my dears. Do not dance to the tune of
The Funeral March.

Pay no attention to the sweet smell of cotton candy
It is only used to make coffins. The taste may be dandy
But the proof is in the poison. Come grey and old,
Then leave spry and young. If you are bold
You may live another day or year, but rest assured
They’ll be back to take you. Their sworn word
Is no good to your ears, because all you can hear is
The Funeral March.