The cave was deep,
as deep as my mind,
searching for my inventory,
I see my watch,
and there was no more time.
Everything was blank, froze,
and I yet had nothing to drink.
My throat, dry, couldn't breathe,
as the cave came down, crashing onto me.
I stood tall, my mind moves forward,
empty but full, I know I had to move forward,
toward the light, the light that shines on the other side,
this is my time, I'm full, and this is my life.

I smoke my cigarette
And you ask me for a drag
I try to pass it to you
But I can't move.

It's only a dream
No not a dream
But a nightmare
Only one I created.

I smoke my cigarette
You ask for a drag
But I turn to you
And you're gone.

I do my own stunts,
these battles I face,
are my all mine.

I face every heart break,
and all the tears,
and everything tears me down.

I do all my own stunts,
every breath taking moment,
and kiss I shared.

Every time I say "I love you",
I mean it,
and couldn't love you more.

So when I say I'm damaged,
maybe you will believe,
but you will know this,
*I do my own stunts.

I am just a lost soul,
in this crazy, beautiful world.

I am just a hopeless romantic,
in this amazing, loving world.

I am just lost.
Can you help me find my way back to you?

I am lost.
Help me find you once more.

I am lost.
Just please help me someone.

Lost.
Lost.
Lost.

I am lost.
Do I need to spell it out for you?

Lost.
L-O-S-T.

Just simply lost.
In this beautiful relationship.

Simply
and
happily


Lost...

Three years ago today.
That's when you asked me to be yours.
I said "Of course!"

You were kind to me.
You were perfect for me.
You were mine.

We spent three weeks together.
All day, every day.
Just you and me.

We were as happy as can be.
Then you had to leave.
It was so hard to see you walk away.

Watching you leave tore me apart.
It made me break down and cry.
And I cried all night.

You called me that night.
You called to cheer me up.
To make my tears stop.

Three months later I knew.
I knew I loved you.
You knew I loved you.

I told you four months after.
Four months exactly.
And you said "I love you too."

One month later.
You proposed.
I squealed "Yes!"

Two months later.
You broke me.
You ripped my heart out.

To this day.
You will always have a part of me.
Just one small part.

I still love you.
If only you felt the same.

You see her in the corner,
sitting, watching, waiting.
She longs to be up there once more,
but she just sits and watches.

She gets up and tries to dance once again,
but her knees give out and she falls.
She falls to the ground,
and breaks into tears.

All she wants to do is be up there,
where she belongs.
In the spotlight,
with a face full of makeup.

Once again she gets up,
and stumbles to a ballet bar.
As she grabs a hold of the bar,
she feels the cool wood under her hand.

The memories are flooding back,
like an uncontrollable hurricane.
She burst into tears once again,
and falls to her knees.

She stands up for the last time,
and grabs the bar.
She still remembers everything,
she has learned.

She enters fourth position,
and readies her arms.
She began to rise up,
on to her toes.

Her smile widens,
as her muscles tense.
Her knees start to spasm,
and worry begins to consume her.

She slowly sinks down,
back on to solid ground.
And she slowly walks to the mirror,
puts her hand up and closes her eyes.

She opens her eyes,
and looks around the studio.
It was all just a dream.


You see me in the corner,
sitting, watching, waiting.
I long to be up there once more,
but I just sit and watch.

I get up and try to dance once again,
but my knees give out and I fall.
I fall to the ground,
and break into tears.

It was not a dream,
but mere reality.

You see this smile I force
but what you don't see
is what is really happening
I'm not always confident
I'm really just a good actor.
I may look happy
but I'm not really.

Who do you you want me to be?
Someone like you?
Someone like everyone else?
I can't do that.
I can't be who you want me to be.
I can't be that girl.
I can't be that perfect.

You see the scars
but you don't see the pain.
You see the lies
with the truth not to be found.
This is how I feel
but you'll probably never see
the real me.

I'm so afraid to tell anyone
about how i really feel.
I know I should see someone
but no one believes me.
My mom wouldn't believe me.
How would I tell her?
How would I tell you?

My home.
Those two words most people
take for granted.
I miss my home
playing in the grass.
I miss my life
I was forced to leave behind.
Those lovely places
I can no longer remember.
The lives I touched
are no longer shining.
The faces I knew
are now just blank stares.

My home.
Do you ever think
about if you were to leave?
Where would you go
and would you be accepted?
Did you ever think
of these things?
Will you ever have
to put them into action?
Will you always
stay warm in your bed?
Will you live
forever?
Will you live past
your thirties?
All of this should
trigger some thinking.
Can you think of someone
just dropped off on their ***?

My home.
Where is your home
if you have one?
Where will it be
if you leave?
My home is back
in Ireland.
My home was, was
so beautiful.
Everything was taken from me
all in just a few days.
I was so young
barely 24.
Everything was so simple
until things smashed down.

My home.
My home was all
I had for myself.
It was all taken from me
in just two weeks.
Once the sickness
sets in there is no hope.
My health rapidly declined
and I was no longer me.
I was just a fleshy mass
that looked like me.
I had no emotion
or expression.

My home.
My home quickly became
that hospital I was dying in.
I had bronchitis at first
but pneumonia quicly followed.
They did everything for those
two diseases but ignored underlying ones.
In the second week of my
hospital stay.
I was put on a
breathing machine.
Hypothermia set in
and Death visited frequently.

My home.
My home was my bed
I layed and died in.
Life support was
my only option.
Three days of no response
I was taken off.
I died in my
so called home.
In that bed
I layed in for two weeks.
Death was swift and my new home
was yet to be determined.


My home.
Those two little
important words.
Think about your life
and what you will leave behind.
Think about who
you leave behind.
Just think about
your home.

My home is obsolete.

We have said our vows
and now it's done, I have this ring
upon my hand now.

You have made me happy
happier than anyone
that can ever be.

So here's to you love
the best I will ever have
I love you always.

In the cemetery
That's where I want to be
In the cemetery
That's the place for me

O' I would sit there for hours
Reading the stones
Up in the towers
Finding the bones

At the mausoleums
And by the crypt
People from the coliseum
With blood that dripped

Corpses of all kinds
Up and down those rows
It all blew my mind
What this place could show

It had intense beauty
Like the days of gray
Even if the trees are sooty
Out by the bay

I have been there
Since who knows when
I just hope my last breath of air
Was not slandered within

I remember the days
When I was with him
But everything went up in a blaze
And he turned grim

I fell into the sea one day
Off the long pier
Too far from the bay
This water here was awfully clear

I hit a rock on my way down
I could tell from the blood
This was the day I did drown
And sunk into the mud


He wanted to find me
And give me a proper burial
Instead of leaving me in the sea
Of this Cuban place, Mariel

He took me back to my home
A small town in Maine
In our house filled with tomes
His colour started to drain

He brought me to this cemetery
The one I would always go to
It was my favorite cemetery
The one I had to bid Adieu

My grave reads: "Here lies Edgar Polanski.
He lies here in peace.
Always loved and always will be.
Died September 16th 1928 at age 37."

We are having a big white wedding,
I can't believe it,
We are so ever happy,
I don't believe it.

I look out to the decorated pavilion,
And I see all the white decorations,
It's too white,
It was too ******* white.

There was something I could do,
I needed to add colour,
I needed the depth of colour,
It had to be red.

The things I sought for were not hard,
The things I found were quite useful,
I went and found you,
You were in the garden hidden away.

You found her again,
After I told you she had to be gone,
She saw me first,
That probably wasn't the best.

I went up to you first,
And pulled out a six inch blade,
I put it to your throat,
And I hear you whimper in pain.

She tries to back away in fear,
I pull a gun on her,
She suddenly stops,
And the both of you just stare at me.

"What's wrong babe?" I say to you,
"Are you getting cold feet?" I say,
"What the **** were you thinking hunny?",
"Didn't think I'd find out did you?".

You just stare at me,
Eyes filled with fear,
Just looking at you exploded anger within me,
You had to be taken care of.


I turned to her,
She was terrified,
She had no idea what I was capable of,
Neither did I but I was about to find out.

The roses in the garden we were sanding in,
Happened to be white,
But they were about to change colour,
They were about to become blood red.

First I shot her in the head,
It blew backwards and covered the roses,
Next I took my knife closer to your neck,
I got real close to your face and looked into your eyes.

Your eyes looked empty and filled with fear,
I said "Are you ready for this?",
"Are you ready to die?",
He just looked at me with fear in his eyes.

I took my knife and dug it into his throat,
His beautiful dark red blood sprayed everywhere,
It was all over the roses and my white dress,
I couldn't have been happier.

I walked over were the entire crowd was,
Were it was the brightest,
It had to be changed,
It had to be covered in their blood.

I walked down the aisle,
Everyone was gawking at me,
I decided to be civil with these people,
So I turned and shot every single one of them.

I looked around and saw the gorgeous colour,
The colour of life,
The colour of death,
The best colour ever created.

I was a quick shooter,
So it took merely two minutes,
Two minutes for forty people,
Those forty people were including my family and his.


As I saw the blood splattered chairs,
And the splattered carpets,
All the blood covered bodies,
And the now red piano.

I dropped the gun that was in my hand,
Turned and just stood there,
I just stood there in the silence,
And looked out to all those empty chairs.

I walked to the beginning of the aisle,
Grabbed my bouquet that was now red,
And started walking,
I walked through the blood puddles and head pieces.

I reached the end of the aisle,
Where the priest laid dead,
And I turned and faced him,
And said "I do.".

Baby the way you touch me drives me crazy,
Baby the way your breath feels on my shoulders takes me to new highs,
Baby the way you make me feel is unbelievable,
Baby the way your body moves makes me wild,
Baby the way you look is indescribable,
Baby the way your hair looks after a rough night,
Baby the way your voice cracks when you get nervous,
Baby the way you get nervous when you around me,
Baby the way you look after we have some fun,
Baby the way you complain about being bruised after I take advantage,
Baby the way you walk around my house in just a baggy tee and underwear,
Baby the way your eyes flicker around when your just going to sleep,
Baby the way your lips seem to always meet mine at the right time,
Baby the way you get embarrassed about your body when I love it,
Baby the way your legs always entangle with mine,
Baby the way you cuddle with me while we both sleep,
Baby the way you stand around and watch me puts me on edge,
Baby the way you feel about the things i say makes me love you more,
Baby the way you love me is the greatest in all ways.
Baby I love you.

Why?

Why did I love you?
Why did I trust you?
I knew you would only hurt me
But I guess i was to foolish to see it.
Why did I say yes?
Why couldn't I guess what was to happen?

You were stupid to lose me
Because now you may never have me.
You only made me happy
But I see it was only a front I had.

I wish you were more mature
To really see how you felt
Because if you did look inside
You would have seen
I really meant nothing to you.

I am truly happy now.
Can't you see it?
So why do you always try and ruin it?

I am happy with someone
Who you can't take me from.
Her name is Katelyn Janelle
And she will always be mine.
You will never have me
As long as we are happy together.

So again I ask myself
Why did I love you?
Why?