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May 2019 · 47
selfless
deserie May 2019
ive loved hard, my love is selfless. it feels like my heart is theirs,beating in their chest. like their flesh is mine. because i’ve given more of me than i realized i was capable of giving. as a mother would her child, i love unconditionally. i love with intention, with persistence and no resistance. like my soul depends on it, as though i need it to survive. i’ve pushed myself so close to the edge, hanging by my fingertips a thousand times. trying to prove my love so genuine, so intentional. because for me consistency and reassurance are necessary to the psyche. but many times in return with no regard, i’ve been pushed so far off the cliff, my body lying in ******* while they look down to me in hopes of recovering whatever is left of me to hold on to. what they needed from me was no longer available. quick to blame myself that it was me not giving enough. but what more can i give, to give them a happy home ? in the midst of what is my failure i feel as though my soul is detached from me for i can no longer see, no longer feel. what’s left of me now lives in those i love. and those who’ve taken pieces of me, please return to sender. my heart sends out amber alerts to what’s been taken for granted of me. please no apologies, old intentions were still intentions manifested against me.
Jan 2019 · 90
sos
deserie Jan 2019
sos
i can’t breathe, i feel as though my tears are filling my lungs. i can’t stop myself from sinking into the abyss that is my mattress where i feel paralyzed staring into the static of the ceiling.
i am numb my body lymph, starving for energy. i am frail. please don’t touch, i may crumble at your fingertips.
thirsty for your sense of comfort that seeps from your pores into the air. my oxygen supply tainted from the debris of my anxiety clutching my lungs into its fists, i can taste the words my pride wont dare let me say. my taste buds turn sour to the thought. only the voice of my conscience able to pray in silence. sending an sos.

— The End —