The greatest pain one can know
isn’t external
nothing in this world can damage yourself
more than yourself

We so seldom think that we are our own worst enemy
when we systematically breakdown ourselves
thought by thought
breath by breath
stroke by stroke
the pain in your chest far outweighs the one on your skin
And this distraction is all you have left

These cuts are too deep for any cosmetic solution
the medicine of choice for the mind is at the bottom of a bottle
and the sling on the heart just doesn’t quite cut it anymore
there is no cure all for this pain
There is no grandiose way to tell others
That you don't want to live anymore
That you would rather die
Than to have to suffer
Your own existence
For even
Another
Second

We fell in love
At the corner of heartbreak and opportunity
I could never tell which one was the stronger of the two
I think
Maybe it was you
You held it all together through a strong visage and an even thicker wall
Made of two parts mistrust and one part stress
But that didn't matter to us
We fell in love
Like love was a safe place to fall apart
So we did
We fell apart and used the glue of our resolve to keep one another together
And so we did
I no longer measure time
Because we stopped the clocks
on your bedroom wall
long ago
But if I had to
I would measure it in the times I've counted your ribs
The times I've kissed your forehead
The times I've slapped your ***
and called you beautiful
Because you are
Even though you swear up and down
that you're not
You are
Your smile brighter than the sun
So hot that it burns to the touch
Your hair the equivalent of sunshine
Not to be confused with the sun itself because remember
Those are your lips
I could equate your eyes to the ocean
but I don't want to be cliché
And because
They're actually the deepest prettiest brown I've ever seen
Every feature of you draws me in
You are a magnet
I could compare you and your features
to different beautiful things
in order to describe you more fully
But nothing could ever show just how amazing you are better than you
I play favorites with your neck
Your back is a playground for my fingers
They roam up and down your spine
With a ferocity only know by those who have drowned
My teeth nip at the flesh of your collarbone like a starved man
I breathe in your presence
And drink in the sight of you before me as if I'm a deprived alcoholic
I am addicted
Addicted to loving you

I sat at the corner of our street. It's funny the way things mean so much to us but nothing to others. It's strange, the metaphysical way you hold my face in your hands is something only we understand. Our street. We met here. We met again here. Sometimes I get coffee by myself at our coffee shop just to reminisce on that day. You were so beautiful. The way your hair perfectly frames your face. I always talked about your eyes. I found God in them, how could I not? The sky whispers your name to me on a daily basis. What did you think of me back then? I thought you were perfect. I think you are perfect. When I look at the sky I think of you. You love the sky and all its gradients. I imagine that when you look up at the sky you imagine limitless possibilities. Sometimes I think you might fly away. I always call you angel and I think it's appropriate. You're a beauty far too great to be of earthly descent. I look up at the sky and take another sip of the coffee. You always liked yours sweet. I look up at the sky and take another thought of you. I do that often. The funny way things mean so much to us but nothing to others. There's beauty in the closeness we share. There's beauty in everything about you. I look up at the sky one more time.

You
Are a goddess
And I am a devout follower
Your body your temple
And any space you occupy, heaven
Let me worship you
I want to use my tongue to sing hymns into your skin

You
Are a work of art
And I am an artist
Your body your canvas
Let me paint you
I want to use my hands to create something beautiful

You
Are you
And I am me
You are beautiful
in every way
I want to love you
I want to be there for you when you need me
I want your happiness to radiate through your smile whenever I'm with you
And it does
I want for someday, our goodbye's
To turn into good nights

Out of all these things that I want
The thing I want most of all
Is you

I've always wanted to be someone else
Smarter
Wiser
Cooler
Someone better than who I am now
But today
Today I want to be nothing

I read that if you truly love something
You never let it go
If you can't go a single day without thinking about it
Then hold on with all your might
But you wanted to let go
I've tried so hard to be angry
It's the only thing that makes the pain go away
But I can't
I can only sit here and wish with all my might that you were still here
Next to me
Sharing these covers
In this bed that used to smell like you
My mind flashes through all of our memories together
Trail hikes
Late nights
Movies
God she was everything to me
She was my person
And at one point in time I was hers
When did that change

Im slowly starting to forget how the sweet tincture of you always makes things taste better than they were
How the most mundane of tasks could be a grandiose adventure
But most importantly
I realize
That my view of you was so much better than the reality before me
And im happy
Not that i now think less of someone so far gone
But that i can feel again
You were a black hole of emotion
******* everything in not even letting joy escape
I thought that i had passed over that horizon edge and been forever lost
I should have taken my sage advice i had given you in the beginning:
Nothing lasts forever and time heals all wounds

I Stitch my lips shut to a conversation I can not start because all it will bring is pain
I want to reach for you but you pull away
I miss the sound of your heartbeat but neither you nor I will feel the weight of my head on your chest because you are too numb
To numb from the past to want to feel the present and too numb to even want to think of a future
All because of him
I want to speak to you
Tell you everything will be okay
Tell you that he was not worthy of your love
But my tongue holds in the silent rage of my thoughts

There was a moment
Only briefly
Where I wished you were here
To relish in this moment
With me
But our time has passed
And I stand here
Alone