I felt you, and reached out for you but grabbed nothing but air
That is my phantom pain

We fell in love
At the corner of heartbreak and opportunity
I could never tell which one was the stronger of the two
I think
Maybe it was you
You held it all together through a strong visage and an even thicker wall
Made of two parts mistrust and one part stress
But that didn't matter to us
We fell in love
Like love was a safe place to fall apart
So we did
We fell apart and used the glue of our resolve to keep one another together
And so we did
I no longer measure time
Because we stopped the clocks
on your bedroom wall
long ago
But if I had to
I would measure it in the times I've counted your ribs
The times I've kissed your forehead
The times I've slapped your ***
and called you beautiful
Because you are
Even though you swear up and down
that you're not
You are
Your smile brighter than the sun
So hot that it burns to the touch
Your hair the equivalent of sunshine
Not to be confused with the sun itself because remember
Those are your lips
I could equate your eyes to the ocean
but I don't want to be cliché
And because
They're actually the deepest prettiest brown I've ever seen
Every feature of you draws me in
You are a magnet
I could compare you and your features
to different beautiful things
in order to describe you more fully
But nothing could ever show just how amazing you are better than you
I play favorites with your neck
Your back is a playground for my fingers
They roam up and down your spine
With a ferocity only know by those who have drowned
My teeth nip at the flesh of your collarbone like a starved man
I breathe in your presence
And drink in the sight of you before me as if I'm a deprived alcoholic
I am addicted
Addicted to loving you

You
Are a goddess
And I am a devout follower
Your body your temple
And any space you occupy, heaven
Let me worship you
I want to use my tongue to sing hymns into your skin

You
Are a work of art
And I am an artist
Your body your canvas
Let me paint you
I want to use my hands to create something beautiful

You
Are you
And I am me
You are beautiful
in every way
I want to love you
I want to be there for you when you need me
I want your happiness to radiate through your smile whenever I'm with you
And it does
I want for someday, our goodbye's
To turn into good nights

Out of all these things that I want
The thing I want most of all
Is you

I always told myself
That watching the stars at night
Was the penultimate way
To realize just how small we are

But looking into the cosmos
of your eyes
And the nebula underneath your skin
The constellations of freckles elegantly arranged on your body
The composition of you
Is what gods are made of

You are the stardust of planets so Unfathomably far away that to look at you is to gaze upon the heavens

But You are also earthly

Your love like raging typhoons and calm ocean breezes all at once. Strong enough to level mountains yet so tender as to hold the oh so fragile hearts of men

Your mind and wit crafted like the finest diamonds, sharp enough to cut air and leave tendrils of understanding floating about

Your joy, radiant like the warmth of the sun, spreads around all you love leaving a permanent atmosphere of bliss in your wake

If there is ever a time
Where I wish to feel smaller
And ponder my own standing in this world
I will not gaze into the stars of the night
But into the vast ocean of your beautiful eyes

Sometimes
I wished god actually existed
So when I die
I can walk up to that self righteous egotistical ******* and ask just what the literal **** he thinks he is doing

Human life is such a fickle thing
We come
We go
Most of us without even being noticed by the masses

But does that matter?
In the grand scheme of things,
Does my mother overdosing on drugs
When I was only 13
******* matter?

My grandmother,
The one woman in my family I could call family and be proud to do so
Thrice stricken with cancer
On her final battle
Dying.

Does it matter?

To a stranger walking past the home she used to occupy
No, the thought of a woman who carried the weight of an entire family on her shoulders yet still taking the time to acknowledge my existence.
no
It doesn't matter to them.

But to me
To me it is everything

The memory of them fades as time goes on, but the pain is always there.
Keeping a stranglehold on a dark corner of my heart.

With You
Time is but a concept
The turning hands of the nonexistent clock on your wall
mean nothing

The minutes become hours
Hours into days
Days into weeks

I have found new ways to measure the
passing moments between us

The subtle ebb and flow of your breathing
Accompanied by the rise and fall of your chest
as if synchronous with life itself

Or maybe
I could measure it in the flutter of your eyes
as you doze into unconsciousness

The rise in temperature as i lay next to you
Holding you close as if you were the only
thing keeping me alive

The flickering flame of the candle
sitting on your dresser
dancing to the rhythm of time

With you
Time is but a concept

I always wondered about the existence of god
the one depicted as a giant floating deity in a kingdom of gold
the one shown as a praying monk in lotus formation
the fat one with elongated earlobes
Who’s to say
that any of them are god?

Who’s to say that all of them aren’t god
just perceived differently
by different individuals?
Countless men have died for their beliefs
and countless more will
such is the way
of human nature;
to corrupt all that is sacred