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it's the same as before
or the other time
or the time before that.
here's a ****
and here's a ****
and here's trouble.

only each time
you think
well now I've learned:
I'll let her do that
and I'll do this,
I no longer want it all,
just some comfort
and some ***
and only a minor
love.

now I'm waiting again
and the years run thin.
I have my radio
and the kitchen walls
are yellow.
I keep dumping bottles
and listening
for footsteps.

I hope that death contains
less than this.
 Mar 2013 Broderick
Kathy Z
One headphone in.
Hum and sing.
Tilt head back-breathe in air.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Breathe.
Change song-
Reach for bag.
Don’t shake.
Be strong.
Yeah, right.
Tears falling-flow-
Stop.
Wipe them away.
Freeze.
Door opens.
Stop crying, god ******!
“M_?”
Fingers tremble.
You’re pathetic.
“Need help?”
Shake head.
Yes.
“…Let me open the window for you.”
Blink.
Sit down.
Chair creaks.
“Must be boring being stuck in the hospital for so long.”
Force smile.
“I would be bored to death if it were me.”
Awkward laugh.
What the hell do you know?
“So..I brought some flowers.”
Shrug.
Thank you.
Look around.
“Wow..this room reminds me of-“
Stop talking.
“One day, you and me will-“
I don’t care anymore.
“Hey-“
LEAVE ME ALONE!
“You know, I had this dream last night-“
So did I.
“I dreamed-“
What would my eternity be?
“You and me together-“
Is that it?
Sigh.
Lean back in chair.
“You know, people said that pain made you stronger.”
Close eyes.
Don’t react.
“What do you think?”
No.
“Why?”
…Who the hell says that pain makes you stronger? Pain will **** you, consume you, spit you out until there’s nothing left but ashes. That’s just a piece of *******-
“Don’t look so sad.”
Scoff.
“There are people out there who really love you.”
Lies.
“…If you want to cry, go ahead and cry.”
Silence.
Silvery wetness at the eyes-
Why are you crying?
“It- it- I can’t stand that- that-“
Sniffle.
“You’re holding all your pain in-
you can’t-
can’t let it go at all....."
Gasp.
"That’s why-
If you don’t cry-
I’ll cry in your place.
I’ll cry for you!”
Soft smile.
Idiot. I’m crying too.
“I’ll cry-“
For you.
*But..don’t you think that a smile is a more beautiful expression?
Last week
I caught six fireflies in a jar
I put them in the microwave,
where they were promptly set ablaze,
and I said,
as they whirled around in the dead air,
“I guess fire flies.”
I’ve been waiting for the world to end since the day I was born.
When pressed for comment,
I respond by pushing the microphone
from my face
and abruptly ending
the interview.
I was told there were rules,
but I was also told I could be anything
I wanted to be,
and so far that hasn’t worked out for me.
I take 20 mg of fluoxetine every day
and six weeks later I can dream again.
Girl, it turns out I do have faith in medicine.
So tonight I’ll go to bed,
and tomorrow I’ll wake up
in another city
that I don’t want to be in,
and I’ll say,
“Resolved:
On balance,
I am a man of
chemicals and reactions,
of positives and negatives,
and while I may not know
where the **** I am headed,
it is certain that I will
end up there.”
 Jan 2012 Broderick
nico pascual
The night is never really quiet,  
You hear the breeze even
as it shifts all around you.
It is the memory of the day
recalling all that has happened,
Nothing stirs. Memory ebbs.
No shuffling of feet, no voices
talking without speaking.
No traffic rushing up
and down the streets,
among the palm trees.

Absence keeps us alert,
with only certain things to hear,
The movement of the trees,
a slight tug of the waves
of thought, breaking on
the shore, only heard in silence.
 Jan 2012 Broderick
Alexxfay
soft lips

on softer skin.

you smile,

you’re nervous,

so am I.

if we only knew;

this was the last of new memories.

the curve of your ribs,

the dimples on your lower back.

perfect.

my breath,

is taken away.

I shiver

as you touch my skin

and goosebumps appear.

you get closer

as I get closer

and now

we’re closer

than anyone could be.

glistening foreheads

and heaving chests.

we lie,

in silence,

in each other.

enveloped in love.

love we’ve made,

love we feel.

love we’re losing.

we just don’t know it yet.

and now

I’m lost

without you

in me

without

you’re love

in me
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