Twelve hours to focus
And redefine one's abilities
To chew one's toungue and cheek
To bounce one's knee
There will be no sleeping
Because sleep has become obsolete
An outdated human ritual
Just begging to be cleansed

Twelve hours to come down
To rediscover one's limitations
To nurse one's swollen tounge and cheek
And to rest one's aching body
There will be no sleeping
Because sleep is never an option
An incessant dream
Just begging to begin

Staring downward
Listening intently to the next curse
Intent on you
Wailing
Reverse peristalsis
Rugurgitation of a steel keg
Incurred by you
Swallowed
Eyes dilated
Fixed by an insatiable mind
Allowed by you
Clarity
Senses ******
Pharmaceutical entities flood the brain
I love you
Baby

A man had no heart
He did not lose it,
He just simply did not have one

The definition of sweet said:
It's ok, I will make you one
And she gradually pieced one together

There was only one stipulation
That could not be defined as simply just or unjust
This heart was fatally connected to its creator

Instead of look for a way out
Instead of look for the easy way in
He decided to look nowhere

He need look no farther than what he had gained
Where there was a hole before
Was now plugged up with a heart

It would be foolish to say that he was now whole
To say he was a whole man
But amendments refine the crude

Time heals all, time preserves all
His life was now hers, but he could not complain
For where there was nothing, there now was all to be gained

A mind like a cumulus cloud
Parted by the sun
A mind that is clear now
Frantic thoughts are done
A mind that forgot all that was trivial
A box of pills to wash it down
A mind like a hazy room
Peers through a smoky corridor
A mind for books
Lying tattered across the hall
A mind for incessant violence
Making every move
A mind for what could be
Perpetual instant gratification
A mind that now knows better
A mind that is mine

Merry Christmas, it's 1954
Mom and Pop will pass out in about an hour
Hope you enjoy the **** in the box
Too bad its not what you asked for
I wiped up my knuckle children with your list
Sometimes Santa forgets
Mostly because he drinks incessantly
To battle his dualistic nature of sexless monogamy

Face-up with a wood shard through my stomach
I won't be hungry again
I guess there always is a positive light

A backwoods lobotomy filling a five-gallon bucket
While her parents watched in earnest
Her head was just too big
I think she is pregnant
Then take care of it, just use the rusty coat hanger method
This bucket will need emptying first
Feed the slop to the swine
It looks like you two are going to be grandparents
This grotesque, mutilated corpse of an unborn
No, it looks like the pigs will be well-fed in the morning
How long until slaughter?
Hurry up and it will be done

Chased him from his mettalic lair
Consumed him one and all
Felt him rush to ends of hair
But in the end I lost

Hands around the neck
In search of dying breath.
***** nails dig in.
Hoarse cries begin to thin.
I'm not dreaming.
I'm not thinking.
Lost all touch. please, don't wake up.
No, don't wake up.

Hemorrhagic ecstasy while bathing in your tears.
Innocence exhumed for you after twenty short-lived years.
Cheek to cheek
In my arms
Don't wake up.
Please, don't wake up.

Lost in the shrill hiss of the wind
A figure approached the site
Masked both without and within
A black mass looks down his sight
Opened fire, suppressed at close range
No will or wanting a change
Just dying to watch rotting slaves
Under his servitude, fill his domain

Lost in the shrill hiss of the wind
The wailing of children in graves
Dig, dig, dig into skin
Pull out the rotting remains
Their fate will be the same
A **** without the shame
No ductape, so no screams
Their mothers would be pleased

Lost in the dead night
Two busted up broads
*** pays real right
After you met that rod
That met the side of your face
Who would pay you now?
Not even your own son
And for him you make it free

Child-bearing hips, and an *** to boot
Thunderous thighs, thick and thorough
Tight set of abs and a right rack, too
Hair kinda long wanna pull on
But of course,
She has got to be short

I've lost my voice, misplaced or hidden by me.
Quarantined and deemed unclean, I'd rather kick this chair and choke.
This broken record playing, static pitch inside my head
Most tragic note I've ever formed.

You mourn that which I consider normal.
I swore refusal of logic resolve.
You called my bluff, and my throat choked up.

Don't call
This love.

I know that which you see as sacred.
We grow together with no need for words.
Your mind grabs me, leaves me gasping.

Don't call
This love.

My voice returns in vibrant resolve.
Echoes freely, hopelessness swiftly absolved.
Let's just enjoy this.

Don't call
This love.
Let's just
Enjoy this.
Don't call
This love.

Profound love
Sandwiched by incompetence
And lack of empathy
Force-fed to a wired-shut mouth

A slight quiver from the bow in your back
I come on strong like a fatal attack
Hunting you down
A hushed whimper in your throat condemns
The subtle undertones of shameful whims
Cutting you down

A silent breakdown in the guise of guilt
Laying waste to a temple built
Crumbling down
A lucid dream where you all four come
Expecting nothing, but for me to run
Gunning you down

So, it has come down to this
Sinking further between your lips
Holding your hips I aim to fix
This memory with another hit

Self-soothe with a fading bruise
All there is left of you
Leaving you down
Tip off the cops in this ****** plot
Left unpursued with a final thought
Burning you down

So, it has come down to this
Sinking further between your lips
Holding your hips I aim to fix
This memory with another hit
Erase her graceful face
Erase her staying taste
Erase her hopeful trace
Erase her
Erase her

(Ich möchte sehen, dass Sie sich für Ihre Unwissenheit brennen. Ich will sehen Sie spucken Blut, du verdammte Hure. Es gibt nichts, ich will in meinem Leben, außer dich leiden sehen aus erster Hand. Ich könnte glücklich sterben wissen Sie nahm das eigene Leben, also, wenn Sie wirklich wollen, mich glücklich zu machen, dann gehen ******* do it. Ich werde weinen gottverdammten Tränen der Freude, wenn du weg bist, dass eine Garantie ist. Gehen Sie weiter und hassen mich, weil ich krankhaft bin, aber dieses realisieren: Sie wissen nicht, Scheiße, und du wirst nie, du Fotze stur. Ich werde dich in der Hölle zu sehen.)

Microseconds skid by
As drops of pins
Eyes roll back  inside
Deep within the skin
Life turns tide
And plays back again
High time to die
And travel with the wind

Backtrack twenty years and lose my name
A cigarette resting here ashes straight
No smoke hits my lips
No, my hand drifts in wisps
In vain

One drag buries what were thoughts
One crown and coke on the rocks
No use to think back
One mere note ignites the past
And stains

Ceiling fades to a nearly pitch black shade
Hallucinate by ******* your own eyes shut
Permeate the blood from the gunshot stain
Sleep, sleep, the night has come

Fluids seep out of me
Toxins squirm their way out
From their inhospitable new home
One that will suffocate them

Dreams implode in me
Fantasy at the hand of reality
With his superior firepower
Aimed elegantly and accurately

Sleep aerates the field within me
Dreams rise again, poisons come back in
Slitting my throat again
Licking it off my chin

Spare nothing
A commodity worth everything
So lucky

“I’ve never murdered anyone.” said the girl to the boy
“No one enjoys a liar.” he replied through a gritted smirk.
“Although you knew not what you were doing I still hold you accountable for your actions for who else am I to blame?” the boy inquired in an almost human tone.

He’s applauded daily, friend’s and family’s hugs
And they all are aware that he misses the drugs
*******, ecstasy, alcohol, and ****
Used to be all that that crazy ****** needed
Cranking his **** like a jack-in-the-box
Slayed all his cravings as swift as a fox
She claims to love this boy straight to her death
And it might arrive in time to save his

A Victorian-era young youth of ripe riches
She could have portrayed Helen herself
Much more assertive than all of the *******
****** up and begging for help
He licked some girl’s hair-covered ****
Then kissed his savior right on the mouth
**** coated tongue with some chick-***
Then ****** her without any doubt

“No one can **** me! Nothing can stop me!”
Shouted the young man in rage.
“Don’t be so quick, baby.  We’ve got a new baby
Growing in me on the way.”
The young man’s jaw dropped to the ground
Exposing his soulless trench.
The ******* of evil ****** the man
Into a hug with that heartless *****

You are my slave
You are my slave
You are my slave

Three-fourths of a decade pass with ease
When your only concern is if you’ve got some cheese
To place on a ******* and nimbly consume
Being real quiet ‘cause in the next room
Is hell on the earth
And that spawn that she birthed
Blowing through everything that you earned
Shoveling **** at your ******-*** job
Or ******* a **** just to make your boss throb

The man spilled his southern-style tea on the floor
Causing a stain and a crash and the door
Flew open while the billows of smoke
Circled around the sweet ***** who was cloaked
In nothing but her jutting-out demeanor of anger
Screeching shrill nonsense of his lacking of manners
Threatening to pack up and leave him to live
Without his accidental, wicked, lead kid

You are my slave
You are my slave
You are my slave

“What the **** do you think you’re doing?!”
Was all she got out as he wrapped
His weathered and callused hands around her neck
He then ****** his blood-filled **** into
Her vile, child-rearing hole of malice
And pumped violently while his
Daughter watched in a state of shock and arousal

I’m not your slave
I’m not your slave
I’m not your slave

Where's my grave?
Simply unfair
You didn't save
A place somewhere.
Too weak to dig
Myself a hole.
Incinerate
Someplace, alone.

You say you're trapped
Inside yourself.
Hostile to my
Indifference felt.
Won't fully grasp
This tragic fact.
My body lives.
That's all I have.

Just wanna ****
Until I die.
So, let's just ****
And say goodbye.

Heard those deadened footsteps
Stark-black, solemn eyes met
Clawing, withered hands crept frantically groping in darkness
Searching for the exit, sweating toxic, life detainment
Lids from coffins open
Wispy curses spoken
Tranquil dreams are stolen
Knotted rope broke again

Shallow breaths wish to cease
From cracked lips and stained teeth
Haggard cheeks, dry and white
Wish to harden and end tonight
If only sleep could last forever
And wipe away all seen together
If only we had never met
That summer night, cool and wet

Its so easy to just pretend
I'm right back where I once began
But now I'm waiting for the end

Treacherous lips haunt my mind
Kissing on some other kind
Of man that I apparently can't be
Suffering from my own disease
Starving ribs, jutting out
From pale skin laying down
Alone in bed, wide awake
While she's all smiles with love to make

Its so easy to just pretend
I'm right back where I once began
But now I'm waiting for the end

Menthol drops stop inflamed, bursting lines and sanitize glass eyes
Leaving opaque walls behind
Perceptions consist of persistent resistance, lists never ending, refusing to change, shallow blame twists into shame
As the drops start failing

I did it again, I let her back in
I knew where to go, but I went where I've been
I did it again, I let her back in
I knew where to go, but I went where I've been
Cursing birth at death
Wrapping my hands 'round her neck

And stealing her last breath

Heartbreak may pull me down
Haunted by all I've found
Live and let live
Don't forget, just forgive

Drugs and depression may seek me
Blatant confession has saved me
Bite, spit, kick, and fight
Rage against the dying of the light

Kindred spirits may uplift me
Pithy quotes may stick with me
Still I know my role, sacrifice the one to satisfy the whole
If ignorance is bliss, intelligence is meaningless

I burnt my hands
Sliding down a rope
Time slowed
I glanced at the ceiling
As it diminished
I prayed to God
I broke from form
I wanted more
Like a *****

Lost in a pathetic attempt
Not like I had dreamt
Swallowing a gun
To my last setting sun
Music in the air
Coming down the stairs
No one left down there
Though no one really cared

Her tongue gets me hard
And then shatters me

Still waters run deep
A pansexual ideology burrows farther
Gorge yourself on self-victimization
Fault rests in your skinny fingers, slipping
Swallow it and drown in your laughable appeal
They've got nothing on me

Heart palpitations
Make it hurt to breathe
I want something hard
To sink myself into this mattress
Like the younger years
So innocent,
Yet so full of acts
Degradation

You pay for it everday.
No matter what you do now.
No matter how much you've changed
And in your heart, you know you've changed.
No one from your past, especially the ones you loved,
The ones you hurt, and the ones you loved to hurt repeatedly.
No one will ever see you for who you know you have become, no,
People only know and see the past, your whole hamper of ***** laundry.

They only render you with a nostalgia of disgust and pity
And tell everyone who mentions your name
About the things you did, the actions for which you repent.
The price you pay everyday for the person of yesterday.

The one who paled with every drug
Cannot repay.
The one who speaks can only shrug
And pray

For another day to wash away
The grime that's left and always stays.
The one who walks in public stained
Will wince and pay for another day.

**** and **** my ***
P.C. Beach '09

It's been awhile since I've written anything at all
It's been so long since my dying voice sang a single word
I'm desperate to discover this path
This quiet trail into eternity, look at me
I don't cry anymore, but in my dreams tears pour
And drown me indefinitely, finally killing off what I've seen
I scream, I scream

I grow tired of catchy hooks, my nose in books
Your empty looks give away what I guessed for months
I should have run, loaded up my gun
And found peace in nonexistence
But your insistence has brought me back here
Alone and in fear, blinded at the gates my dear
Rediscovered how to care
Then remembered this burden to bear

I smell like smoke
I spit up beer
My medication fades
I can't even work up one tear

I'm out of smoke
I'm out of beer
My meds don't work
There's no one near

It would be so easy to try it again
To try to sleep until I end

I reek of putrid fumes
I haven't bathed in days
Let alone even moved
Only one pervasive thought looms

I don't care
No one cares
Time will heal their wounds
Time will augment mine

It would be so easy to try it again
To try to sleep until I end

You approach her tentatively
And the wispy sky darkens
But it is not an agent of detterment
Your cold skin meets her warm
And all is gone
But a false premonition

Grime-caked fingers digging into
An infant’s innocent eye sockets
The chubby little **** shouldn’t be wearing that locket
No tears run their course down its soft, pink epidermis
But one could bottle up
The slightly thinning blood
Into a small
Thermos

I told that **** to get an abortion
My ******* ***** deserves better than her
I can’t stand the scent of baby lotion
I’ll go fishing with its flesh as lure

‘Cause I’m pro-choice
Yeah, I’m pro-choice
‘Cause I’m pro-choice
Yeah, I’m pro-choice

The wailing, ****** howl dies down
When the child’s trachea is crushed
By some hand-me-down, rusted hammer
That turns its body to mush
One could still see the baby’s frozen face
Open-mouthed and purple-blue
Spinning around the unwashed blender
With the previous night’s food

I told you to get a simple abortion
My ******* ***** deserves better than you
You better coat your putrid *** in baby lotion
And have some mouthwash ready, too

‘Cause I’m pro-choice
Yeah, I’m pro-choice
‘Cause I’m pro-choice
Yeah, I’m pro-choice

I forgot to tell you that I had a dream about you last night
Oh yeah, was it good
No
Well what happened?
You rejected me

I'll put a brick in my hood
I'll throw a brick to ya dome
I'll shove about anything
To get me through up my nose
And I still flatter them  hoes
And get their ******* all wet
Until they drip, drip outta the dryer
I'm washed up they said
Yeah, I'm sauced up too bad
Sick as **** in the head
Don't give a **** about bread
I'm busy countin' my lead
I'm about as sick as they get
So I break up some nugs
Have a *** count my stacks
Line my crib with straight thugs

One, two, three, six, click
Clappin' these sixes while she's suckin' my ****
Leavin' my Deagle 'cause I'm wantin' to live
Givin' heaven the finger 'cause I'm lovin' to sin

No one gonna stop me
Yeah, nothin' that can top me
I'd wreck a ******' Bentley
Then suit up on a Harley
Take a trip to Muncie
And load up on some chronic
And smoke until I'm smellin'
Like a farm of hydroponic
****, I gotta get my mind right
But I can't 'cause I'm livin' in the high life
Not a cent gets spent on a dime, right?
Wrong, I spend it all the time

And time keeps tickin'
My watch looks broke 'cause I can't stop spinnin'
Run outta smoke so I tryna hit some resin
My lungs stuck up, but I just keep rippin'
Them souls apart, them hoes apart
Nothin' but the best for my bros so far
I am the number one in this
God-forsaken little blip
Midwestern farmer ****
No one here allowed to spit
But I do everyday
While all my ******' neighbors be balin' that hay
Hooray, we got another couple mouths fed
'Til I force-feed 'em an entree of straight lead