January 30th, 2013,
Martin Edward Saunders,
My best friend, my brother,
Hung himself at the age of 16...
The world seems like a dimmer place,
My heart seems a little more hollow then usual...
I keep hoping for a message over Facebook,
Or maybe a text on my phone from you...
None of us want to believe you'r gone,
Some of us literally can't imagine you gone,
I miss you buddy, and I love you...
I raise my glass to you.
Good bye...

Behind my smile is something  broken.
Broken from growing up in a place,
where my parents and I would have daily death threats.
They worked live-in at a group-home,
I had no choice but to live there among them.
From the age of 7 to current 16,
I've heard every word in the book,
had a child attempt to burn down our house,
in the middle of the night, killing us all...
I've seen my parents brake down in tears,
I've witnessed my family fall apart...
By the age of nine, I imagined myself dead...
I attempted to suffocate myself in grade 4.
I remember crying into my pillow,
but I couldn't bring myself to doing the act.
I still get urges, urges to drag the blade across the wrist,
the urge to tie the slipknot...
I wish I could end it all, the pain and confusion,
but that would help no one.
****....

Imagine, walking down the middle of the road,
not a single noise is to be heard, other then nature.
Birds claim the skies as their domain now.
And the land animals claim our homes, and buildings.
The streams pristine and pure, the air fresh finally.
And I think, how wonderful it would be to see
the tables turn on us, to see earth take back what it owns.
And I realize...I don't care if we all die off, the human race.
I welcome that day, with open arms.

The Goal in life, what is it? To be loved? To have a family?
To be successful in the eyes of everyone, too please everyone?
Why? why do they matter? Their opinions? Then again, in this world,
You can never be safe from ridicule. Try and please everyone?
People pleaser, your doing it for the attention.
Go against that, do things for your self, your plain old selfish.
So now Im here, without a **** clue of what to do,
whether or not I did, or have done the right thing,
Maybe that's for me, and me alone to decide, **** what others think.
Justice, injustice, right and wrong,
Maybe these are all undefined to us at birth, we create the meaning.
We create a meaning behind them, as we do our lives,
we are the writers of our life. Why be bound by a single thing,
When we have an entire, beautiful earth before our eyes?

With the new year around the corner,
look at yourself, look at who you are.
Take this time to evaluate yourself.
Remember all the struggling people you passed
who could have used someone like you.
The ones who could have simply needed
a push in the snow, to get their car going,
or maybe even just greeting people you pass,
showing them that there are still people
in this beautiful world who are beautiful inside.
Live this year, with the goal of helping people before yourself,
live it being happy not sad, being entertained not bored.
We have the whole **** world to explore, we are our only constraints.
Yet we choose to stay with our ***** glued to our home,
As a famous person once said:
*I often wonder why birds stay in the same places when they can fly anywhere in the world, then I ask myself the same thing