"Who am I?" I ask myself staring blankly in the mirror, trying to answer one of the simplest yet hardest questions.
I could answer with my name, but a name does not describe me or say anything more.
i could say what i like to do: play sports, video games, read, listen to music. But that is what I do.
I could say that i am a son, a brother, a friend, and a boyfriend, but those are just my relationships.
I could say i am funny, outgoing, smart, immature, stupid, hopeless, but that is what i have heard other say about me.
I can also describe my outer shell but that is also not who I am.
I have always gone by what others said about me. If i receive affirmation i feel i am worth something but on the other hand if i hear criticism i feel like i have failed. Each day after i wake, i try to pretend, hide feelings, and put up walls to prevent myself from getting hurt.
All i really want is to fit in.
I recently had a sort of a dream. I dreamed i was drowning but it was not water or any sort of liquid i was in. I was drowning in feelings i buried deep inside. All my friends, family and close ones were there but they were simply watching me. I reached my arm out and called for help but no one was willing to go through the trouble. i was slowly dying, suffocated in what i thought was me. All the love, all the hate and everything in between. When i woke up i was not sure hot to interpret what i had seen, but i was afraid non the less.
Sometimes i feel like I am not the protagonist in my own story.
"When will I discover the real me?" i ask myself.
When will my mind be free and not limited by this mortal body?
Rapidly the "me" inside, wants to come out and discover the reason why I am here.
Why me and not the 7 million other ***** that could have grown to be?
So if you could please tell me who i am supposed to be and what do you see when you look in my eyes.