With No Emotions left

I feel alone

Trying to understand the meaning of why

I no longer feel the need to love

Trying to contemplate ways in which I should once again

Make myself feel the need to feel

As memories race inside an empty space that was once my heart

That you have killed

I can't imagine me being on my own

While others have taken this place that you have once called my home

I've never given up the thought

Of you being in my heart

As you twist

And turned

And Pulled

Me apart

I can no long concentrate

As this nonfeeling has sealed my fate

This seems so unfair

But my emotions were never there

From the start

I knew you had no heart

So now all of this is true

I was never after you

So please don't hate me for my sins

My emotions are held within

The thin-line of my skin

So This I must confess

Cause I wanted to get it off my chess

no less

stressing me

cause you couldn't get next to me

While the Lord kept on blessing me

So forgive me for my sins

Cause all this could have been avoided

If only you had felt what I felt

When I had emotions to cover up my welts

Of being abused from emotionless love

Black boy
Have you found yourself
That you have been searching for
Are you still questioning your genes
The color of your skin
Your ***** hair
Your full lips
Are you still questioning why they call you ******
Beat you
Mistreat you
Hung you
Black boy
Have you found yourself
That you have been searching for
Cause I still can’t find me
Beneath this shadow of darkness
This cruel decomposition of myself
This king that I’m supposed to be
But now reduced to dirt
Ashes
Black boy
Have you found yourself
That you have been searching for
Cause when you do
Let me know
Cause I need to find me too

Confused
Lost
Ready to give in
But only medicine can fill my veins of wanting
Locked away for a lifetime
I need the straps to buckle me in
The helmet to stop me from banging my head
Cause I’m
Confused
Lost
Ready to give in
I sit silently
No emotion
No Movement
Lifeless
The minutes feel like days
And my days feel like years
Trying to hold on to nothing
Cause I’m locked away for feeling
Confused
Lost
Ready to give in
So this is what they call rehab
The cure of my unhappiness

As I Walk Through The Doors Of Not Knowing Who You Are
A Figment Of You Came Over Me
As Handcuffed Wrists Lead to A Siren Car
Screaming
And Hearing Sounds Of "Please Don't Take My Daddy Away!"
Echoed From A Distance
The Visits With You Last 30 Minutes
Cause Mommy Cried her Eyes Out Each Time She Met With You
So My Time With You Was Cut Short
I'm Looking For The Man I Want To Be
Who I'm Suppose To Be
But I Can't Seem To Find You, Daddy
I Can't Seem To Find That Man
Who Should Have Taught Me How To Tie That Knot On My Shoes
Stand Up And Be A man
Stand Up Straight And Never Fall
How To Say No To Drugs
How To Shave With My First BIC Razor
But You Weren't There
So I've Educated Myself
Because I've Always Been By Myself
And I'm Searching For You, Daddy
Cause I Want You In My Life, Daddy
I Want To Share Times With You, Daddy
A Free Place
Where I Don't Have To Sit Behind A Glass Case Window To Talk To You
I Want To Talk To You
Hold You
Look Into Your Eyes
Tell You That I Love You
Besides All This
I'm Still Your Son
Besides All This
And You Are Still My Daddy
Besides All This
And Some Day I Hope To See You Soon
Besides All This
Cause You Gave Me Life
Although You Weren't In It
So Now I'm Searching For You
Cause I Need You In My Life
And I Want You To Find Me Just As I Want To Find You
So If You Hear Me
Break Down Those Bars
Shatter That Glass Case Window
And Find Me
Cause I'm Here
Waiting
Wanting My Daddy
Cause I Need To Be A Man And Not A Boy Any More

I Want To Write With A Pen That Can Make You Bleed
On Your Crusty White Lips
You Mistook For Paper
Make You See Stars Within My Ink
While It Slowly Creates Words, Sentences, Paragraphs
I Want To Treat You Bad
And When You Wake Up
You Say,
"****, That Shyt Felt Good"
Knowing That I Wasn't In The Mood
To Give You Pleasure
But To Feel Your Mind With Pain
Like You Have Done To Me
So Now I Regurgitate It Back To You
I Want You To Breathe Fire
While I Put Out Your Flame With Ice
Trying To Cool You Down
From That Sweltering Heat
As Your Heart Beat Beat Beat
I Want To Make You Bleed
I Want To Make You Suffer
I Want You To Crave Sanity
Because Inside Of Me
I Feel Guilty
But No Sympathy
So I Want To See You Bleed
From My Writing On Your Walls
Because I Can't Answer Those Calls
From 911 To Zero
Cause I'm Not Your Hero
I Just Want To See You Bleed
Then You Will Know How I Feel
While I Was In Need
To See You Bleed

Not knowing who I am
Or who I want to be
I lose myself in fashion
Slangs
In someone else’s youth
Just to be on the in crowd of something that isn’t me
Confused by the age of innocence
I have tried to relive what I shouldn’t
Couldn’t
Wouldn’t
Only to have it pushed back at me
Cause I’m confused

I want to be in a place
Where nobody knows my name
Where birds sing
Bees buzz
Trees fall
But I can’t hear
The echoes they make
I want to be in a place
By myself
With myself
Because that’s what I know
Who I know
Loneliness
Where tears fall
And can only be dry by the sun
In an open desert
I want to be in a place
Where I can be
And I don’t have to run from myself
Cause that’s who I’m running from
I want to be in a place
And think happy thoughts
Cause for once
I need to be happy
I want to be in place
Where I am accepted
And not ridiculed
Or judge for being me
I want to be in a place
Cause I need to be in a place
My own place

I closed my eyes
And I dream of you
Holding you
Feeling you
Molding you
Into something all our own
I closed my eyes
And I wonder
What it is that makes you
Want me
Need me
In the middle of the night
As we become one with each other
I closed my eyes
And I realized
That it is for you that I breathe
That is for you that I wake up in the morning
That is for you that I live for
So as I close my eyes tonight
I want you to know
That you are in my heart
As I close my eyes.