I wonder
about the silence between
your words
I want
to hear your laughter
even then
I think
it's the closest thing to heaven
I can have

I wonder
about the empty spaces
inside me
I want
to fill them with cosmos
with you
I think
it's the closest thing to happiness
I can have

I wonder
about the distance between
each star
I want
to walk every line in every constellation
with you
I think
it's the closest thing to eternity
we can have.

Delight
cowers from the monolith of
Fear

Joy
shrinks from the vise of
Fear

Hope
Dissipates from the jaws of
Fear

Heart
reshapes into
Fear

Courage
is just ignored
Fear

Everything
I am
is made of
Fear.

Philo—
not enough
too much
of jaded edges
too much
of glass shards
too much
light
not enough
to heal
Statues are worn
by the scorn
of heavens
Philo—
The look in his eyes
Philo—
Every time he laughs
Philo—
The sunlight blinds
my broken eyes
Philo—
There is no right side
in a war
Philo—
Only pain
and peace
and fear
Philo—
The deadliest wars
aren't fought
in battlefields
Philo—
Everyone
Everything
hurts
Philo—
His absence.
His silence.
His.
His.
His—
Phobia.

See my smile
snap like a twig
hear the sound
of cackling splinters
mirth as if in mockery
of the way
my laughter breaks
every time I remember
litanies repeated
beneath closed wrists
closed eyes
closed
Knock on the frown
of my mask
I wish you would
just
knock
See my fingertips
trace the lightning
that separates
my irises
Dry as the cracked
ground of my lips
Let me bleed
on my own
water the pit
of my stomach
See me bleed
See
me
Let me
just bleed
on
you.

He—
    Quiet as sorrow
    Screaming the distance between us
    Taut as a bowstring

He—
    Thunderbolt unravels me.

Who am I?

My name is want
an eternal curse
embedded into
sunken skin and
chipped fingernails
and flaking paint
on the walls
living at the bottom
of empty bottles
festering in open wounds
like dust and grit
like an infection.

Who am I?

My name is need.
a silent howl
resonating in oblivion
an echoing quiet
trapped in cages
crafted from skeletons and skulls
warnings and red signs
denial, denial
and stark, raging fear
breaking bridges
of teeth and throats.