The time for brooding is over
Let them say I invented the stars
when they were born
That I weaved the fabric of the universe
while I remained awake at night
Let them see that I'm no longer suffering

For tears are no more than mist
And my irises are the color of laughter
Laughter which I crafted from sunlight
So they can say that I breathe tempests
And spring's flower petals float in my bloodstream
Let them see I'm more than what I was

For the sky is the face of unraveled smiles
Where masks are shattered shards
And truth is blatant on heaven's eye
Now they can say I am true
That I am in every blade of grass
And every pebble on the riverbed

So now let them say what they want
For they can see
I have been my own nightmares
Just as now I am my own dreams.

It's late afternoon
The sky bleeds purple
As buildings claw at its fabric
December breathes coldly
And I feel them as if they are tempests
I can see every crack on the pavement
Hear the footsteps of the ebbing crowd
As if they are thunderclaps
I feel all
And they are all mine
I am awake

It's evening
Streetlamps flicker like flames
The houses are dead silent
And what my gaze befalls is my own
But I am nothing and everything
The horizon is but a blanket
Of a little piece of the universe
Sometimes it feels good to be small
So that the world will be but a giant blur
As if in a dream
I am sleeping

It's finally night
The most beautiful face of the day
For every time I close my eyes
I scatter jewels beneath my eyelids
I paint the silver crescent of the moon on the dome of my skull
And I find peace in the dark where others find fear
In the absence of heaven's eye
Angels sing me to sleep with cherubic lullabies
While my mind grasps at the vastness of the universe
And I have found the greatest escape
I am alive.

It's quiet.
This is the only happy I will ever be.

My blood is ink
And my heart is an empty inkwell

So. You've decided to go on a journey to hurt yourself. The road will be ****** and gory, brambles of thorny vines will grab you and strangle you like a vise. But I will be here to guide you on how to make yourself bleed, either literally or metaphorically. Trust me—I have a doctorate in masochism, and I have formulated 9 simple steps to assist you in your personal quest to become unhappy.

Step one. Do something bad. Do something people would never expect you to do. Do something shockingly horrible. The worse, the better. Talk about your loyal friends behind their backs and make sure they're eavesdropping. Punch the nicest person you know in the face. While an old woman is crossing the street unassisted except for her fragile walking stick, kick it from beneath her trembling grip and walk away without looking back. Tell your mother you're a *******. Slit your wrists in front of your parents.

Step two. Hate yourself. If you have done step one splendidly, I'm sure you'll do fine with this one. Convince yourself you're a despicable creature, not worth calling a human being, and wallow in self-pity. Sit on a throne of shattered beer bottles and drown in liquor, screaming odes to your repulsive self. Behold the snide looks directed your way and revel in them. Know that you don't deserve to live. You will fear death, though. Fret not, this is perfectly normal at the early stages of your journey to hurting yourself.

Step three. Let others talk about you. People will notice the change in you. They will then talk among themselves, wondering where the old 'you' has gone. Let them chatter, let them speak. Don't tell them the truth—that you have killed the old 'you' because you want to get hurt, you want to bleed. Don't tell them you hate yourself more than they do. Be aloof and indifferent. If you already are, congratulations! You are now apathetic and pathetic. Don't be alarmed, this is all part of self-hate.

Step four. Isolate yourself completely. Leave your loving parents and let them know you hate them while you're at it. Put your phone away, don't check your Facebook, and hole up somewhere unforgiving and depressing. Lock yourself in a gray room, starve yourself, deprive yourself of the things you can't live without, stay isolated to the point of almost losing your sanity. Convince yourself you deserve all of this. Lie to yourself if you have to. You have already began your own ruin. Why stop now?

Step five. After a long, long time of isolation, get out of your hiatus. Look at your phone and see it empty of messages. Don't despair, you did this to yourself. Check your Facebook, stare at the lack of notifications and don't wonder what happened to your 'friends.' Get out of your shell, look at the mirror. Recognize the monster you've shaped out of your flesh and blood, behold your creation in bitterness, and remember what you used to be. Remember when you weren't so keen on hurting yourself. Remember and wonder why you decided to. Then hate the monster in the mirror, because this isn't you, this isn't what you wanted to be. Know that you are a terrible creature.

Step six. Fall in love. Fall desperately in love with someone who can't see what you have become. Hold him/her tight, shape your shrunken heart into something that will cradle your love. Let yourself feel joy for the first time. Realize that you have made a terrible mistake in deciding to hurt yourself and the people around you. Let it dawn upon you that you want love, you want this, you want happiness. Experience heaven, and remember that your love can't see what you have become.

Step seven. Reveal yourself. Let them try to change you, let them fail. Let your love see the horrible creature you really are. Hurt the ones you love and relish it. Let them know you are no longer the same. Watch them turn their back on you, watch them walk away. Watch your love step back in horror, watch him/her leave you. Let them break you, let them leave you dying, choking on a garrote you fashioned out of your own blood, let them give up on you. Let them forget what you used to be before you decided to hurt yourself.

Step eight. Regret every decision you've made. Despair, fear, rage, flail in a prison you built out of your hollow bones. Feel all those negative emotions, know that they are all gifts you've given yourself. You didn't know what you got yourself into.

Step nine. Calm yourself. Realize that after the turbulence you feel nothing at all. Search your soul, scrutinize your thoughts and emotions until you realize you are nothing but a black hole. You are empty. Congratulations! You have succeeded in hurting yourself in the worst way possible! I will now be unavailable for further assistance. Welcome to your personal hell.

Good luck getting out of it.