if god can sacrifice himself for his people's sake,
then i can sacrifice my somewhat well being to help the man that started this all.
for what feels like eternity now, the unbreakable grip i have had on his god ****** heart
had gotten tighter and tighter
to the point where it has become
something so opposite of a stress ball,
more like a therapy for the ill minded.
there are permanent indents of my own ****** clenched fists in his chest
from the many times i have screamed and cried begging to ask, "is this what you wanted?"
his voice only lingers with echoes of my misery but he still laughs at every single word that escapes my mouth.
i hope you read this and if you do,
look at the bruises on your chest and tell me, straight to my tear-dried, sober face that they do not burn after reading each word of this time wasting piece of trash.
consider this a eulogy for your mind and eyes.
i yield all my time to your blank stares, and stuttering breaths.


- m.n.

the butterflies no longer flutter around in my belly
they've all drowned in the deep gray-like sea
of angst and exceeding worries.
your hands still continue
to wrap around my wretched heart
like grape vines, lingering around
connecting, linking, catching a grip.
please tell me a remedy to this disease
perhaps your touch or your presence
or maybe even a slight snippet of your voice.
can diminish this ****** cloud of dissatisfaction


- m.n.

let us smoke together and burn ashes
into the solid ground of hell beneath us
let us drink the addictive poison  
until the tears we cry are solid pure liquor
let us get a permanent high off of
each other's gratitude towards how
we spend the last of our lives
let us finally enjoy the vitalities
we've been eager to release to each other
let us do things no other atrocious pair
would even bluntly think about doing.
make yourself even more irresistible to me
and I'll make you look at me the same way
you look at the most beautiful, delicate piece
of poetry

- m.n.

my delusional mind has committed vacancy
for not quite a while, yet i've grown dull of it.
three to four years ago i was always thinking
don't get me wrong, i think twice as much now
but not like how i used to, just empty thoughts.
i've had people come and go, renovating areas
leaving permanent fixtures
that unfortunately, cannot be replenished
i just hope for a full remodeling someday
a new outlook on this whole forsaken catastrophe
mistakenly, im just lucidly dreaming
a thriving desire of mine that's too good to be true.

- m.n.

for the past months
the thin veins in my arms
have been ruptured and scarred
due to unhealthy habits of distasteful breakdowns.
drunk on absolute insanity
intoxicated from the feel of misery
i always hope for this to take it's last turn
unfortunately it is one straight road
a long road of wretched nights and messy sinks


- m.n.

it's more than "butterflies in my stomach"
you give me a feeling of desirability
where exactly did you come from
it's not like you just randomly appeared
i thought miracles wouldn't happen to me
but then you formed up to be a blessing
i guess you could say you're irresistible
"the one"
or maybe i'll take things too far
and make a fool of myself
but at least ill still know you
longing for your attention and rapture

- m.n.

a mellow day of sweet sorrow
wondering if there'll ever be a better tomorrow

i never realized that i could be so helpless
thinking worse, leaving me breathless

a wave of shock runs through my body,
the same face presented like a carbon copy  

that's when it disconnected
the phone dropped and the news was unexpected


-m.n.