When your name lights up on my phone, anxiety pours over me
molten lava burning through my chest

Maybe it’s because I’m half expecting in some deep place in my mind that you’ll be saying how much you miss me, how I’m all you think about, and that it’s my face that causes your sleepless nights

Maybe you’ll say that you need me in your arms so you can finally breathe,
or perhaps you wanted to spill your thoughts in to my hands, let me in to your world, let me be the one to fix you and love you

I don’t know who I’m trying to fool

I know when your reach out to me, it’s not to tell me that you want to wrap yourself around me or that the very weight of my existence is what keeps you going

No, you don’t want to tell me that you want to know every part of me, or that you think I’m the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen
because it’s just not true

Maybe it once was, and maybe it’s my own ******* fault that it’s not how you feel anymore
But that doesn’t take the pain away

If anything, it’s all the more excruciating knowing what was once so close to being yours that your fingers danced on it’s edges and you could taste the sweetness of your dreams coming true, was snatched from your grasp so quickly you could barely blink, and having to live with the truth that it was your own hands which cut the rope connecting the two of you












Now I sit suffocating on the feeling which claws its way through my chest when I think about you for too long



Now when I imagine you sitting across from her, marveling her beauty, giving her the same look you once gave me, I feel like I am about to crumble in to such small pieces no one will ever find me again, fall so fast I’ll go right through the floor, silent tears stinging my cheeks begging my body to end this torture

They say I should be over this already, that I need to move on

I wonder if when they say this, they can feel how I felt when I knew you were mine

I wonder if when they say this, they can feel the pain that explodes in my chest and burns my body now that I know you are no longer mine, and will never be

They say I should move on, and maybe they’re right, but I’m not quite sure how I’ll get your face out of my mind or how I’ll stop feeling this way when your name lights up on my phone